Star Trek: Lower Decks

No, no.

No, no, it's overheating.

Come on. Keep it together!

Aah!

Sorry.

Captain's log, Stardate 58354.2.

The Cerritos is back at Tulgana IV,

where we'll be updating

the Federation consulate's power systems,

a straightforward job which gives us extra time

to fill some of our Starfleet quotas.

Ugh, the recruitment booth, no!

- Well, someone's got to do it. - Uh, do they?

'Cause last time I checked, nobody's ever signed up

for Starfleet at the recruitment booth.

- I did. - Shh, shh, you're not helping.

- Sorry. - I know it's not super exciting,

but it's our assignment. What are you gonna do?

Hmm, complain the whole time and make it twice as miserable.

That is your specialty.

Ow.

You okay, Rutherford? Man, you look wiped.

I haven't slept in a week.

I keep having the same crazy nightmare.

Ooh, the one where you're in a new timeline

with Kirk and Spock

where they have cinematic chemistry?

- Ugh, I wish. - Looks like you've got

some long-term memories stuck in the buffer.

Probably useless stuff like when you called the captain "Mom."

Want me to purge the cache?

Yes. Anything to help me sleep.

And done.

Why don't you go take a nap?

You'll wake up feeling like a new man.

Thanks, Tendi.

Hope you're right.

There's a spot where we can set up in the commuter's market.

I have a degree in xenohistory, but sure,

put me on folding-table duty. That's great.

Oh, I'm sorry, is the booth not exciting enough for you?

Yeah, actually, it's the worst

and I'm really glad you said something.

Can we get a different assignment, please?

I don't care if you like it,

- that's not the point. - No. The point is

to give us work nobody cares about

so the captain can tick off a meaningless box.

I care, and I'm gonna be checking in today.

If you so much as step one foot out of that booth,

I will transfer you to Starbase 80.

Starbase 80?

Don't joke about that. Starbase 80 is the worst.

When I get down there, you better be in the booth

with a PADD full of contact info,

or you'll be at SB80

faster than you can possibly imagine.

Okay, okay, I get it.

Okey dokey, time for some shut-eye.

Hmm.

Huh?

Ah, my fuckin' head.

Did I even go out last night?

Wait, what's going on here?

Ugh, those are the ugliest nacelles I've ever seen.

And who put Engineering down there?

That's stupid.

Wait a minute, California-class?

How did I get here?

Ensign Samanthan Rutherford.

Transferred from Douglas Station on Stardate 56329.4.

Okay, shut up, shut up.

What the hell is this?

Holy moly.

What the heck is happening here?

Hey, hey! Let me out of here.

Hey, you. Give me back control of my body.

Nah, dude, this is my body.

You already effed it up.

- No, it's not. - Whatever, man.

I don't take orders from a reflection.

I'm not a reflection.

Help! I think an anaphasic alien took over my body.

- You're an anaphasic alien. - Nuh-uh, you are.

Hey, what is this thing on my face?

It's my face.

Fine, fine, fine, don't answer it.

- I don't need you. - Hey, hey! Get back here!

Aw, man.

Starfleet, get your Starfleet.

We got new worlds,

they're strange, and they need seeking out.

Wow, it's crazy to hear you, like, actually trying.

Yeah, I have to. Ransom's got it out for me.

I'm not taking any chances with creepy-ass Starbase 80.

Do you have to go to Starfleet Academy to work on a ship?

Ah, thank you for asking. No, not at all.

You can enlist as an NCO and then go

to the Tech Services Academy on Mars.

You could work in a transporter bay.

How about that?

Really?

Do the transporter guys ever get to sit on the bridge?

Um, I mean, yeah, I guess, it could... it could happen.

Hey, pal.

You're signing up for seven years in a windowless room.

Wait, really?

Don't listen to her, the ships have, like, tons of windows.

It's, like, practically a greenhouse, right?

Just not, like, every single room.

- Meh. - Ugh.

What the hell, lady? I was about to close.

Aw, did I step on your little sales pitch?

What are you even, some kind of space archaeologist?

Independent space archaeologist.

That first part's important, since you know,

I'm free to do whatever I want,

unlike some ensigns around here.

All right, fine. Whatever.

Uh, Starfleet. Get your Starfleet.

Prepare yourself for Warp 10 excitement.

Discover the undiscovered country.

How often do you get to collect dilithium?

Oh, all the time, tons of crystals.

Hey, buddy.

- You want to be a Borg? - What? No.

Starfleet crews get assimilated all the time.

Hope you like being covered in black rubber tubing.

- Aah! - We do not!

Borg drone, Starfleet drone, what's the diff?

The "diff" is I'm about to shove one of those artifacts

- up your ass. - Mariner, don't.

Just stay focused.

Graphenated corridor joists?

These Cali-class junkers are such fire traps.

The Cerritos is a great ship. Give me back my body.

Hey, there, pretty lady.

- Hey, Rutherford. What's up? - No, no. Don't talk to her.

I mean, everything, now that I ran into you.

Trill, huh? Those spots go all the way down?

Excuse me?

Barnes, call the captain. He's an alien or something.

Hey, Trill, uh, when is the security shift change?

Why would I know?

Because you're in security?

We've been on four dates

and you don't even know what division I'm in?

Well, damn. Maybe if you weren't so boring,

I'd remember some of this stuff.

Uh!

Oh, okay. Walk away.

I got to figure out a way to contact Tendi.

She'll know how to get rid of you.

Wait, who's Tendi?

Uh, nobody. Never mind.

- Computer, locate Tendi. - Computer, no!

Ensign Tendi is currently located

in Repair Bay Five.

No, no, no, no. I-I don't know what you're thinking,

but you stay away from her.

Hey, check out this pod plant from Omicron Ceti III.

It blasts out mind-control pollen.

Jeepers creepers.

That's swell.

I don't even talk like that.

She's gonna see right through you, you goofy goof.

Oopsie doodle.

I can't remember when the security shift change is.

- It's at 0900, silly. - Of course.

Tendi, come on. That's not me.

Ah! Damn.

It worked.

Dude, don't do that. This is my body.

Who are you talking to?

Don't do this?

Aah! I'll kill you.

Rutherford, are you okay?

Let me take a look at your implant.

Get away from me!

- I'm fine! - Aah!

Ensign Tendi to sickbay.

I need an emergency medical team on Deck 11.

Huh.

See more where that came from, kid.

Just join the Indie Archaeologists' Guild.

More like space thieves.

Hey, why don't you go in that museum

and steal some artifacts? I know you want to.

Oh, right.

Because everyone who doesn't salute their boss

is a criminal?

You know, lady, if you are really dedicated

to the pursuit of knowledge,

then you're kind of limiting yourself

by not being in Starfleet, actually.

Ooh, actually, I was in Starfleet.

Petra Aberdeen... Graduated Academy,

did a tour in the fleet

before wising up and getting out.

Whoa.