Rules of Engagement

I'll have an egg white omelet

with spinach and tomato.

And I will have a regular omelet with ham and cheese.

And can you take the yos that you don't use in hs

and then put them in mine?

When your heart explodes,

try not to fall into my breakfast.

Egg whites and veggies?

I'm not dying in that c.

Oh, hey, isn't that the new coupe

that just moved into our building? The Harrises?

It is, good catch.

What is wrong with you?

You know that I don't like other peop.

Yeah, well, other people feel the same about you.

I'm gonna go say hi, and by the way,

that little menu is no h for your enormous head.

Hey, hey.

Check out what I got Jen for our four-year anniversa.

Of what, the first time you did ?

No, of the night we met.

It was the same night.

Yeah, she did not make me earn it.

Okay, look. Four flavors of popcorn.

One for each year we've been together.

Nice.

Huh?

She is one lucky lady.

You wanna give me a handful of cheddar?

No, no, no, no, no.

Then the quadrants won't be even.

Come on, give me some, I need it.

You sound like Jen the night we met.

Hey, guess what, we're having dinner with them tomorrow nigh.

Come on, you couldn't get out of that?

No, I'm the one who suggested it.

Great, fine, I will eat,

but don't expect me to turn on the charm.

I'm pretty sure that switch

has been locked in the off position.

What's with all the popcorn?

Oh, it's an anniversary gift for Jen.

Huh.

Guess there are worse things than forgetting.

Mr. Dunbar?

I can't believe I'm down here with the mole people.

Sir, the subway is the lifeblood of the ci,

where thousands of lives intersect

before radiating outward in a thousand different directions.

It smells funny.

You might just be catching blowback

from your Axe body wash.

That could be it.

I smell wee-wee. We're cabbing it.

And then we did the whole, you know, share desserts thing

before calling it a night.

So long story short, we had a great evening.

Long story short would have been

we had fun with the Harrises.

Yours was a long story longer.

Well, it sounds like it was a success.

Mr. People person over here even asked

if we could get together this evening.

I asked Jane, she thougt that they had other plas

but then Paul reminded r that they didn't, so we made a date.

Seeing 'em again tonigh. Boom, four words.

I got four words...

I want a divorce.

"Divorce me" would be shorter.

Anyway, who knew we'd find a couple in the building

we both like hanging out with?

We live in the building.

Oh, no, Jeff didn't mean that.

What did I mean?

Fine, guess we won't invite them over to eat popcorn.

Ugh.

Enough with the popcorn.

What? What, honey, I thought you liked it.

It was okay at first but I'm so sick of it.

I keep finding it everywhere.

The sofa, the bed, the shower...

I want it out of the house.

Fine, if it goes, then I go.

Well, I mean, and then when it's gone, I'll come back.

Hello?

Oh, hey, Jane. How are you?

Oh, uh, no, that's fine.

We'll just get together another time.

Talk to you later.

Aw, they had to cancel tonight.

Paul just got the stomach flu.

Oh, that's too bad. Yeah.

I guess we'll just pick up a pizza.

Oh, great, so we can just sit home by oursels

eating stupid pizza, staring at the walls.

Hey, why don't the four of us do something?

Sorry, buddy, pizza night.

Here's your lunch.

Come on.

You're not still mad you missed out

on hammering that subway chick.

I wasn't looking to hammer anyone.

This woman and I, we shared a connection.

I felt it.

Yeah, in your hammer.

Who's to say what might have happened?

Sir, you may have just cost me the romance of a lifeti.

Keep your diaper on, Cupid.

Fortunately, I've decidd to take matters into my own hands.

Ooh, well, take that into the men's room.

Or at least the stairwell.

As I find myself saying far too often in the workplace,

I'm not talking about masturbation.

I've posted the particulars of my encounter

with that woman on Missed Connections.

What's Missed Connections?

It's a website where pee who shared a romantic moment can try to reconnect.

Well, I love to burst your bubble,

so I will.

There's no such thing as love at first sight.

And what do you know about it?

You know, one time I was lucky enough

to see the most beautiful woman in the world.

I locked eyes with her and then...

She was gone.

You ran out of quarters?

Did I tell you this story?

You know what, I'm gonna help you

find this girl just to prove

there's no such thing as love at first sight.

Ah, this must be the mentoring

I was promised all those years ago.

Hey, dudes.

Hi.

Anyone want a little popcorn?

Or as the Indians call it, pop-maize?

Is that true? Mmm-hmm.

Not...that kind... of Indian.

I've got some very important business to take care of.

Should I forward your calls to the stairwell?

Nope, no interruptions.

Hi, uh, I'd like a small cheeseless vegetarian pizza,

and for my husband, a large meat-lover's pi.

And I promised to ask, could you please take the cheese

from my pizza that you don't use and put it on his.

Jane?

Hey, Paul, looks like you're feeling better.

Uh, what?

Remember about how I told Audrey

that you weren't feeling well?

Oh...right, right.

Jane said it was the stomach flu.

Oh...yeah.

Oh, why am I eating piz?

Uh, I'm sorry, is there something going on here?

Are you guys blowing us off?

Look, we had a great tie the other night.

It's just...

Thanks, hon.

Uh, you know how couples get together

and sometimes it's not exactly...

Like, the group chemistry...

I mean, don't get me wrong.

We really enjoyed hanging out with you...

Okay.

It's Jeff.

I... I mean, we didn't want to say anything.

No, it's fine, I get it.

Believe me, I get it.

Hey, listen, how about the three of s

hang out the next time Jeff goes out of town?

Oh, does he travel a lot?

No...

They gave me your extra cheese, righ?

They had to clear it with the manager, but, .

Hey, you don't have any big conferences coming up, do you?

We got one at the end of the month.

Really? Yeah.

Out of town?

No, everyone's coming here.

Hey, did you call Jane and Paul to reschedule?

Mmm, not yet.

You know, I was thinkin, when someone suddenly has the flu,

doesn't that sound like a blow-off?