You Me Her

Previously on "You Me Her"...

I see you, Nina Martone.

Andy is relentlessly posting photos of him and his dad

having a smile-off somewhere in the woods.

Say, has anyone ever written a thesis about

excessive cyber stalking of ex-boyfriends?

- Iz. - What?

I'm pregnant. This just feels right.

And I don't wanna fuck it up. I cannot fuck this up again.

- Oh! - Oh, no.

I was gonna sneak out and catch "Pillow Talk" at the Paramount.

And you're welcome to tag along if you want.

Are you seriously asking me on a date right now?

Absolutely not.

I already work insane hours at Pinnacle.

And if I make partner, it's gonna be even worse, so...

I was assuming you were coming home, not coming to get us.

And as long as we're being honest,

I miss Hawthorne Heights.

I'd rather sleep under a fucking bridge.

They want in. Offices, staff, the whole nine.

Oh, my God.

I guess shit just got real, huh?

It's okay. We'll figure it out.

What if you really are Mr. Right There in Front of Me?

- Well, how do we find out? - Hey.

Whoa, fuck, hold up.

Were you guys just about to kiss?

Hey.

Andy's back.

He was...

And now he's standing there

right in front of us looking like...

Looking like he could use a cold beer.

Would you... would you like a cold beer, Andy?

Yeah, I'm gonna take that as a yes.

No disrespect, uh...

Oh, it's still Shaun.

Yeah, no disrespect, Shaun,

but, uh, can I talk to you privately?

Okay.

Good on ya.

Very mature, Nina.

Super adult.

- For a second there, I thought you were gonna... - Uhh!

Do that. That... that's what I expected.

Lemon water instead of beer.

What brought this on?

Don't get all smug.

It's just my regularly scheduled liver cleanse.

Okay.

- It's on my iCal. - Uh-huh.

- Can I see that? - No.

On the phone, you said you had a revelation.

You first, I guess.

Yeah.

I didn't take this project just so you could see me all cleaned up.

And I didn't really call you all those times

just to brag about my latest chip.

Okay, well, maybe a little.

But mostly, um, I came here

because I wanted to make sure that all those...

things I was doing back then didn't...

Ruin me?

Yeah, something like that.

And if you were hurting,

I wanted to do anything and everything I could to make it better.

What's wrong?

Well, Emma's back.

And she's pregnant.

And we're together again, the three of us.

- Jack's wife? - Ex-wife.

- She's pregnant? - Mm-hmm.

- And... and Jack's the father? - Yeah.

She's keeping it.

So what does that make you?

We were together when it happened.

So the baby is ours, not just theirs.

Jesus, Isabelle.

- Excuse me? - Please just listen to me.

It is only a matter of time before those two gravitate back

to the world that they know,

to the way things were.

How long are you gonna live their life instead of your own?

Are those boots?

What?

Are those... boots?

Yeah. Yeah, these are the boots

that I didn't get you for your 17th birthday.

Only, um, a lot better.

What?

- Wow. - Goddamnit, Izzy.

How many times am I gonna have to run after you?

- I'm just trying to... - Save me?

Is that what you think I need?

- What did I do? - You didn't miss my 17th birthday, Ben.

- What are you talking about? - Oh, God.

You were drunk already

when we met for lunch at a skank ass bar.

You'd been AWOL for about, I don't know, a month.

You looked so sick, it scared the hell out of me.

You bought me boots.

Wrong ones, wrong size.

Downed about 4 double vodkas in 20 minutes

and then promptly dropped off the edge of the earth

until about this time last year.

Maybe my life isn't what you expected

'cause it sure as hell is not what I expected.

But I'm not broken.

Not like you were.

So if you came here to save me,

you shouldn't have fucking come at all.

- Here it comes. Yes. - Aw.

What am I looking at here? Is this, uh...

UFO footage? Come on.

- Oh. - I'm kidding.

- You guys did good. - Guys, congratulations.

Are you kidding me?

You've been through it three different times but...

- Hey! - How many kids do you have? I forget.

Hey. How long have you been there?

Sorry, I just had a really weird meeting with my dad,

so I'm just still a little, like, ah.

- Are you okay? - What happened?

She had a meeting with her dad?

- We can talk about it later. - Just sit down. I'll get you a glass.

Okay. Iz, this wasn't a planned thing.

No, we were downtown and hadn't seen the sonogram yet.

- Huh? - Should I be mad?

I caught you guys having wine and cheese,

not an orgy.

It's amazing, right?

- I'm... I'm good. - Okay.

Okay.

Mm-hmm.

Kind of looks like a gnocchi.

Six weeks.

- It's pretty accurate. - Yeah.

Hey, so Izzy, will you be joining us

as we celebrate our hard-fought independence tomorrow?

What?

Isn't... isn't that the 4th of July?

Did you guys move it when I wasn't looking?

Ah. No, this is when Hawthorne Heights

was incorporated, when we escaped

the brutal tyranny of Raleigh Hills.

Yes, my liege.

See, Izzy? We still day drink

even after selling our souls for better schools and lower crime.

Yes, we just make up ludicrous holidays as an excuse.

Love you, babe.

- You have to come. - Mm.

Unfortunately, I have a shift at Directions.

Oh.

And then probably a... feels like a...

... bad cold?

You don't have to come. It's okay.

I know it's not your thing.

- Unless you actually wanna go? - Hmm?

Did you say something?

Uh-oh.

It means the cold's barreling through.

Hey, you know, for future reference,

if you really wanna sell it, you gotta...

you gotta almost, like, abrade your esophagus.

Yeah. Uh-huh.

That, I buy.

You have a Master's degree? Excellent.

That's actually something we insist upon for our nanny.

Our toddler and pre-toddler crave elevated discourse.

I will bring my "A" game.

Maybe we'll start a book club.

Wow. Great crowd.

You know, if you hire me, I'm literally here all week.

Oh. We have seen a lot of clunkers.

Yeah, it's pretty grim out there, right?

Hear it all the time.

So French Lit.

My employment possibilities are infinite.

My parents were thrilled.

Why don't you teach?

I like to think I do.

So obviously, you speak...

Francais? Oui.

Je parle couramment et j'aimerais aider vos enfants à apprendre.

Okay, I don't know what you just said,

but your very existence makes me wish we had 11 more kids.

I said, yes, I am fluent.

And I would be thrilled to teach your children,

if you're okay with that.

I'm only semi-fluent, though, in Spanish. Sorry.

- That is so disappointing. - So when can you start?

- Tomorrow? - Okay, what's the catch?

You're either a slaver or a cannibal.

Does it have to be just one?

Okay. This is officially one of the three best days of my life.

Honey, we have two kids.

Are you saying this is better than our wedding day?

You got shitfaced, grinded on my great-aunt, when she was 80, so yes.

It's one of the three best days of her life,