Mud Key

Hey, man. Spare some change?

Whatever, jerk.

Fuck you, you fuckin' snowflakes!

He's fine!

No, he's doing that hunching thing again.

Baby, he's fine.

Hey, Dave!

-What happened to the $20? -I gave it to you.

Fuck.

Oh, here it is. Here it is.

Thank you, sir.

Bye, Dave!

- Are the bumpers out? - Yeah.

You might wanna straighten her out.

Thank you!

- You gave him water, right? - I sure did.

I'm thinking maybe we go to Mud Key today, instead of Boca Grande.

Whatever you think.

Yeah. It looks like tide isn't gonna be low there

'til, like, 3:00 or 4:00, and we'll be long gone, anyway.

Unless you'd rather go to Boca Grande.

You know how much I love you, right?

Hi, there!

Don't go so close to the mooring ball.

It's fine! We're fine, babe.

You ran over that other guy's anchor yesterday.

I wouldn't say we're so fine.

I didn't run it over. We just got tangled in it.

- Look out for the grass there. - I see it. I see it.

- Oh, God. Ugh! - Oh, my God.

I don't know what happened.

I swear I was following tracks.

Maybe low tide came in early?

'Cause tides are whimsical like that.

Get the dog!

I got him.

I know, right, Pepe? Shoot me if this ever gets old.

Oh, I will.

Oh, great. We have neighbors today.

And such lovely ones, at that.

Maybe we'll recognize them from the Capitol attack.

Yeah, that could be the bullhorn lady.

Hopefully these yahoos aren't in the mood to string up any lesbians.

I'd pull in to the right, over there.

I would love to, if she would move.

She has to. This isn't her island.

Hi, there. Uh, excuse me. We'd like to pull in here.

-Okay, get the dog! -Thank you!

-Do you have the dog? -Yes, yes, I've got him.

Jesus, Jodi, not so fast!

What the fuck?

- That didn't sound good. - Fuck!

All right, check the anchor.

-I-- I'm holding the dog! -All right, I'll get the anchor.

Fuck! Jesus.

It's okay, it's okay.

I'm so sorry. Baby, are you gonna come get him from me?

I am working on it.

You don't need to do that.

You got it beached pretty good. Y'all ain't going anywhere.

We're total newbies, if you couldn't tell.

Baby, I need you to take him from me.

Here.

Okay, hold on.

Here you go. Watch his ear!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God.

Okay, ready? Look!

- Look! Where's his thing? - Baby. Baby.

-Thank you. Thank you. -That's what I'm here for.

Go, go, go.

God, is this gorgeous.

- What happened to taking it easy with him?

He wants to play. What are you gonna do?

Baby, can you get a clip of this?

Of you playing ball with the dog?

-Yeah! -I don't know where my phone is.

What's wrong with him, anyway?

Well, he tweaked his back in the Chihuahua Races a few weeks ago.

Believe it or not, he's a mix.

We're hoping to not have to do an MRI,

or even worse, spinal surgery.

So for now, we're trying acupuncture and laser therapy.

- Jesus Christ. - I know. It's a lot.

He's also on anti-inflammatories and muscle relaxers.

Where y'all from?

Here.

Well, part-time here, part-time California.

- This is our second home. - But we come as much as we can.

What about you guys?

We live here. Year-round.

Oh! I am so jealous. Are you guys Conchs?

-We're here over 20 years. -Originally from West Virginia.

Oh, nice. So what brought you guys down to the Keys?

- DJ was in the Navy. - For a second or two.

Well, thank you for your service.

Babe, can you please get me a beer?

You couldn't have asked me that a second ago?

Women, am I right?

Ow! Jesus, babe!

I'm sorry, I thought you were looking.

That hurt! You could've hit me in the head.

Thank you so much.

- Women, am I right? - That's not funny.

-I'm sorry, baby. -Are you?

Okay, thank you.

Y'all need something to keep your drinks cold?

Oh, thank you so much!

-Thank you. -My name is Liz, by the way.

And Little Mouth That Roared over here, that's my wife, Jodi.

DJ. That over there is Amber.

-Hey. -My better half. Sometimes.

You hydrating between rounds?

Oh, I'm just not drinking right now.

-Why? -I'm just taking a little break.

You're allowed to say you're not drinking, babe.

That's a good thing. You should be proud.

Liz is an attorney, and she thinks you're gonna somehow hold it against her.

The lawyer part or the not-drinking part?

Exactly.

So, uh, DJ, you had a stint in the Navy?

What do you do now?

Mmm, I'm mostly in construction.

Jodi flips houses.

I mean, that's what I do in LA. I just started doing it here.

-Babe? -Yeah, I don't know. I just kind of feel bad.

It's not the most socially acceptable thing to be doing.

- Ugh. - Yahtzee.

Fuck socially acceptable.

Okay, thank you!

I mean, if I wasn't doing it, someone else would, right?

It's not like I'm single-handedly raising property values.

I'm just playing the game.

We rent a condo over in Searstown

and our owner decided to sell it, so he just gave us notice.

Does it need a lot of work?

Shit breaks all the time.

What is he asking for it?

I'm just curious.

We're looking at places up the Keys.

Sugarloaf, Big Pine.

- I hear it's really nice up there. - -Yeah.

And how great would it be if you guys could buy something?

Uh, we can't.

You know what? Jodi should get DJ's number.

She's always looking for a good contractor.

I'm, uh, more of a handyman now.

Smaller projects, things like that.

Yeah.

Real fuckin' small.

It's just hard finding good workers down here.

Right, right. What with everyone being so transient.

I don't know about that.

People come and go all the time.

He knows what "transient" means, babe.

They're all a bunch of illegals.

Now, hold on. Let me finish before y'all go off on me.

They gotta be paid under the table.

They don't pay any taxes on that, and then send all that money

back to whatever the hell country they're from,

and none of it goes back into our system.

DJ, they don't wanna hear it.

You know what? It's okay. It's okay. I get it.

I'm a big rule-follower.

It isn't right.

Huh.

What?

I like to do things on the up-and-up.

-Mmm. -My wife here, not so much.

What are you even talking about?

Uh, right now she's trying to beat the system,

be an influencer, and not have to work anymore.

-What's your handle again? -I'm-- I'm not trying to beat the system and not work anymore.

And it's @FlippinAwesome,

no "G," dollar sign, exclamation point.

And you've got, like,1,800 followers?

Almost. Almost. I need some new content.

Good poopie, buddy!

Should I get a clip of that?

That's funny. That's cute, babe.

I'm trying to pull back the curtain and be open with my audience,

establish a lifestyle, grow followers.

You don't get it.

That is a beautiful poopie.

Are you just gonna marvel at it, or are you gonna go pick it up?

He hasn't been going since he's been on his meds.

And, plus, he's anal-retentive anyway,

so when he does go, I like to make a big deal.

Are we still talking about this?

Thank you. Welcome to my world.

You're not gonna believe it, she actually has a song that she sings about it.

And if you're lucky, you're gonna hear it.

I'd rather lick a razor blade, and then eat a lemon.

Honey!

And then put Tabasco on it.

Write that one down.

So what do you catch here, DJ?

Oh, snook. Lemon shark.

Uh, mangrove snapper, sometimes.

Lemon shark? You can eat that?

Yeah, sure. You can eat just about anything you catch out here.