Footballers' Wives

Oh, my God.

Bitch!

Trisha, love, breakfast ready.

You've got to eat as much fruit and veg as you can, Trisha.

This one has got selenium in it.

You know, I read all about it on the net.

You've got to fight the cancer from within.

I know you're trying to help, love. But to be honest,

if I've only got a year left, I'd rather enjoy it, eh?

You got to try, Mum, for me.

And for all those people coming to the auction this afternoon.

And Eva de Wolffe is doing the organising.

You know, Elton John was at her last charity bash.

Yeah, well, that's another thing I was gonna say.

I ain't comfortable about being some sort of "charity case".

You're not the charity case, Trisha. You're the charity.

Your name's gonna raise loads of money for people in your position.

You've just got to be there. Show them there's always hope, yeah?

Yeah. Look, we know you don't like talking about it.

Me and Shan reckon you got to go and get a second opinion.

One of the top consultants, someone in Harley Street or America.

You can try all the hocus-pocus you like. Throw money at it, whatever.

There ain't no cure for what I've got, I told you.

Well, maybe if you were a bit more specific.

It's...

It's down there, ain't it?

It's personal, right? So just leave it.

I've been there, had the drugs...

Maybe there's a treatment that could put you in remission, you know, give you longer?

Listen, I'm at stage four. There ain't nothing anybody can do about it.

Stage four?

Well, put it this way. There ain't no stage five.

No, no, no, no...

And tell Claudia there's only so much airbrushing we can do.

Maybe she better lay off the pasta next time, okay?

Bye. Oh, dear me.

Not very flattering for your little friend.

Hmm. You know, you really have to be careful when there are cameras around.

I would have thought she, more than anyone, would have known that by now.

I know, it seems unfair, though.

She's just trying to have a good time and they make her look like some kind of pig.

Hm, yes.

Oh, darling, do I detect a little tiny crush?

Oh, no, no, no, not at all. I just think she's a nice girl, that's all.

Girl? You really are gullible.

That's why I have to take care of you.

I think maybe I should take care of you right now.

Again? Darling, you are insatiable.

But sadly, I've got the caterers arriving in half an hour.

And don't you have to go and kick a little round thing about in the grass?

- Oh, yes. - Mm-hm.

Hurry back after training. Don't forget we have to greet our guests.

Why didn't you wake me?

What for? You got the week off. Enjoy it.

What's that?

Wedding shoot. Turned out nice.

- Happiest day of our lives, right? - Right.

- So how come you look so sad? - Don't be stupid.

Look, I'm just going to be late for training, that's all.

I could meet you after. We could get some lunch.

What, a steak for me and a bowl of steam for you?

Anyway, I said I'd go over some stuff with the coach.

What, again?

I'm skipper, Libs, and Webbsie's out of action. I've got responsibilities.

What about your responsibility to me?

I mean, what am I supposed to do all day?

Maybe you should try finding a new PA.

'Cause you've been in a dog's mood ever since you fired the last one.

Me?

I'll catch you at the charity do.

Back off, Watson.

You might call it tracking back,

but most of us thought you was just mincing around.

Sorry, mate. I don't know, I was...

Yeah, well, forget it.

I know you've got stuff in your mind.

Yeah. I don't know how you're even keeping it together, mate.

I went AWOL when my mum... Well, you know.

Yeah, well, that's your speciality, isn't it?

What is actually up your arse today, man?

Your parents still around, Paulo?

Shut up. He's an orphan, yeah?

Oh, sorry.

No, no, it's fine.

My mother, she didn't really look after me, you know?

Harsh. Is that how you ended up with Eva, then?

Oi.

I'm just saying, older woman, mother figure kind of thing.

What?

Yeah, well, I wish my mother looked like that.

Yeah, Eva's one sexy bitch.

How'd you two hook up, anyway?

I, uh...

I met her in Brazil when I was starting out.

Her magazine did an article on me. It made my name.

Eva's a saint. She's only ever helped me.

Given me strength.

She's everything to me

and I love her.

Yeah, course you do, mate.

- Yeah, sweet. - Go on, son.

So, everyone still coming to the auction?

Yeah, yeah.

You'd better!

Shall I just meet you there?

Oh, don't get a strop on.

No one's gonna care if we're a couple of minutes late

and I'm not taking any chances this time.

Come on, Tan. This is an important event for me.

Oh, never mind the dying lady, then, eh?

You know what I mean.

Some of my designs are up for grabs and if they do well with all the publicity there...

Yeah, cancer will be cured and all suffering banished forever.

Oh, shut up.

I feel sorry for Callum's mum, of course.

And don't you go acting so holier-than-thou, anyway.

I know exactly who you're going to such trouble for and it isn't Trisha Watson.

I just want to do my bit for charity, darling.

Yeah, the Tanya Turner Love Life Fund.

You've just got to forget it, babes. He's taken.

I don't know what you mean.

Come on, they're an absolutely beautiful pair.

As worn on the day of his debut for Sparks. Surely you can go a little higher?

Thank you.

Sold. Callum Watson's signed football boots,

to the lady with the magnificent taste, for L800.

Thanks for coming, girls. We really appreciate it.

As if we'd have let you down.

Box tickets for tomorrow night's premiere of La Traviata at the National Opera House.

Who'll start me at L1,000?

Ah, we always...

We were going anyway. I was born for the opera.

- Panto, more like. - Shh.

Do I hear 2,500?

2,500, anyone?

Come on, these are extremely prestigious tickets.

- Hi. - Tanya, hi.

I was just gonna get myself a drink.

- Oh, here, take this one. - Oh, thank you.

So, how have you been?

Yeah, good, good.

Sold! I don't think I could get another plane for a while, though. Well, not unless it's with you.

So, we haven't bumped into each other since...

Tremaine's wedding.

The wedding, right. Oh, God, I think the photographer had it in for me.

Yes, I'm sorry about that, Tina.

- Tanya. - Whatever.

My picture editor shall be severely reprimanded, I promise.

I've got a thick skin, me.

Yes, well, maybe you should use a better moisturiser.

And looks like you're quite a tough old bird yourself.

And that spill you took. Oh, I was convinced you must have broken something, at your age.

Not even a nail, sweetheart.

I bought the tickets for Traviata, L3,000.

- It's actually rather a bargain. - Excuse me.

- Looking forward to it? - I can't wait.

Right, next up, bespoke Lucy Lockheart designs.

His and hers, as worn and kindly donated by Tremaine and Liberty Gidigbi.

Let's start at the reserve price of L2,000 for the set.

Thank you, the lady here. 2,750? Wonderful.

Sorry about that, Eva can be a little bit insensitive.

Oh, don't worry about it.

But listen, Paulo, I've got to know if it's just me or not.

I can't stop thinking about you

and what happened on the plane.

I'm with Eva, that's how it is.

- That's how it is now but... - No, that's how it is.

- So don't you want me? - I can't go behind Eva's back.

Tell me you don't want me. Just say it and I'll leave you alone.

You can't have everything you want in life. This I know.

Where are the bogs, mate?

For L6,000 to the gentleman in the grey pinstripe. Well done, sir.

You're in possession of two authentic Lucy Lockheart designs,

which may well become extremely valuable indeed

from what I've read in the press about the interest in this young designer.

Now up for grabs is a diamond necklace,

kindly donated by Iman and David, whoever they may be,

who apologise for not being able to attend this afternoon.

Some of us from my church are organising a retreat to Lourdes.

I'm not fussed about cricket, to be honest.

No, it's in France. It's a very special place.

Filled with God's love, and if you're lucky, you might be touched by the Virgin.

It's where miracles can happen.

I could have a word with Father Hayworth

about sorting out an extra place on the coach, if you like.

You're all right, love.

I don't believe in miracles.

Trisha, Women With Cancer Care are desperate for a few words.

No way, Shannon, I told you.

But think of the support you can give the readers.

I don't feel well. Oh, I swear.

- You all right, Mum? - Yeah.

Just get me a chair, son. Maybe a little brandy, eh?

that I'm sure all the ladies have been waiting for.

And maybe even one or two of the men.

A dinner date, tonight, with Mr Paulo Bardosa.

Shall we start the bidding at L1,000?

Well, one at a time, ladies, please.

Uh, 1,500.

L2,000. 2,500.