Rubin & Ed

Are you willing to open the door to your dreams?

Success! - Success!

Why do we want that success?

Money! - Money!

How do we get that money?

Work!

No, no, not work...

Real estate! - Real estate!

Power through positive real estate! The P-P-R! The organization!

Yay!

Do you have what it takes? Are you the kind of high caliber motivated professional...

that will stop at nothing to get what you want?

Who are you? Who are you?

You are an incredibly powerful sales person who continually

climbs higher and higher up the ladder of success.

Chant after me: "I am an incredibly powerful sales person who

continually climbs higher and higher up the ladder of success!"

"I am an incredibly powerful sales person who continually

climbs higher and higher up the ladder of success!"

"I am an incredibly powerful sales person who continually

climbs higher and higher up the ladder of success!"

Success! - Success!

Boy that Mr. Busta sure can give a speech, can't he?

Now chant along with me: I am an incredibly powerful sales person who continually

climbs higher and higher up the ladder of success...

Wow!

Rubin! Stop squeaking that stupid mouse!

I said stop squeaking that stupid mouse!

Why don't you do something else for a change. Why don't

you get out of this house and make yourself a friend!

No! - Yes!

No! - Well then take out the trash.

Hey weirdo! Who let you out! Here kitty, kitty, kitty...

Come 'n get me! Ha ha ha!

Here kitty, kitty, kitty... Here kitty, kitty...

- Hello? Hello Rula this Ed... hi, hi... hello.

Uh I hadn't called for a while so I thought I'd call and say... hello.

Exercise Ed. - Oh no, Rula, please.

You know why you feel better when you exercise, Ed?

Because you're doing something you don't really want to do.

I know, I know.

You're paid in life for doing what you don't really want to do, Ed.

I know... I know.

You always do exactly what you want to do, Ed.

That's why you're broke.

Ya know, Rula... I uh... I haven't talked to you in quite a while.

How are you doing?

Great! - Really?

Well that's great. I'm great too. I mean I'm doing great.

Just, things are going great for me uh...

Gotta go now, Ed. - Well, ok! No problem. Listen it's been...

Woof! Bark, bark, bark!...

That's it! No more Mahler . Not another note until you

get out of this house and make a friend!

No! - Yes!

It's for your own good, Rubin. You can't stay in this house the rest of your life.

Yes I can! - No you can't!

Why? - Because I said so!

Now go out and make yourself a friend. Bring him home to dinner and

I'll give you your music back!

No friend, no music!

I want you to meet my mother.

Excuse me. - Buzz off.

Excuse me. - No.

Excuse me...

Excuse me... hi, uh... - Grrr!

Excuse me. My name is Ed. Who are you - who are you really?

I'm making a survey for Power Through Positive Real Estate...

may I ask you a few questions?

Are you 100% satisifed with your earning potential 100% of the time?

Yep! - You are...?

Are you 100% satisfied with your life and or outside relationships?

Yep! - Really?

Uh... If the answer to any of these questions is not 100% yes...

then come with me right now for a free introductory seminar on

Power Through Positive Real Estate!

Uh... I could go around dinner time? Come over my house? Pick me up?

I think that could be arranged... and your name and address please?

Rubin Farr. Fontenoy Inn. Room 71.

Motel? - My mother's the manager.

Very well then Mr. Rubin Farr of the Fontenoy Inn, Room... 71.

Your life... is about to take a positive turn!

I'll pick you up at 6.

Got one!

Enthusiasm! Hello... how ya doing?! Hi.

Hello Rubin! What a tremendous day. A fantastic day for real estate!

What say we motor on over to the seminar and get you started

on the "Express to Success"?

Nope. My mother's not here yet. You need to meet my mother.

Quite a living room...

Quite a squeaky mouse.

Could I have a glass of water? - No!

Actually I better be going. - Wait, wait, wait, wait!...

Come on in the kitchen and have a glass of water.

This is quite a kitchen!

Ice! Ice is nice...

Ahhh! ...Good Lord, what the hell?!

I'm sorry, uh I wanted some ice. I didn't realize... look...

I didn't do it.

Why don't you keep your hands off other people's refrigerators?!

Listen you don't eat those things, do ya? Because I could get sick eating cats.

It's a pet!

I know it's none of my business, but why do you keep your pet in the freezer?

I'm keeping him frozen until I find the right spot to bury him.

Look, my mother just called, she's going to be late.

I don't feel like going to the seminar now.

In your frame of mind, I think the seminar would be very good.

No!

Well look, tell you what. We'll leave my business card,

right here on the table that way your mother will know where you went.

No!

I drove all the way over here, I think the least you can do...

Shut up!

You shut up you son of a bitch! I'm sorry I didn't mean that...

Excuse me, I did not mean it.

I guess you're pretty broken up about your cat?

You had him for a long time? - Yes.

Let's see, where could you bury him? Don't have a yard so that's out.

Why don't you bury your cat at sea?

Cat's hate water. - Well then we'll bury him out in the desert.

No car. - Well then just get over it!

I mean, go on to the next step.

Set a goal, and obstacles become opportunities!

Man you really need that seminar right now! Let's go over there...

Get out of my house!

You know you really are an asswipe!

Sorry. I didn't mean that either. I didn't mean to say that.

You have a car? You dropped my cat? - Hmm?

You have a car. - Yeah. Well... we go to the seminar first,

and then we bury your cat.

He'll defrost. - Pack him in ice.

...That's a good idea, Ed.

I'll go get the cooler.

This car belongs to the organization. Pretty nice, eh?

They let me borrow it especially for this.

Hey! Uh, I'll drive. Hey! What are you doing?! Hey!

Open the door! Open!

Alright! This is an official car!

No, no, no!

What do you think you're doing?!

Turn right. Turn right!

Ok, uh, turn left!

Great. You're not really going to the seminar, are you?

I'm not stupid, I know what you're up to!

We have to be back before 10 o'clock, ok?. We have to be...

back before the seminar's over.

I don't mind your driving, less work for me if you do. I hate driving.

Just works out that it's less work for me, more for you. You know what is...

really sad is that you don't realize what you're missing.

You have the potential to be rich, you know?

You know the number one difference between you and a rich man?

He has money and you don't.

If you're smart, you'd ask yourself, "why?".

What is the matter with you anyway? I mean, don't you want to be a success?

I tell you, the difference between a guy like me and a guy like you...

is that I've learned from my mistakes.

I used to be really messed up. You know, I had a bad temper, the seminar...

taught me how to control it. - Would you shut up about that seminar!

You shut up you pissant son of a bitch!

Sorry! Didn't mean that.

Hey listen, could you pull over. I gotta see a man about a dog.

Where'd you get the beer? - Store.

I guess I'll have one.

You know, we don't drink beer at the organization. It's kind of a crutch for...

reality avoidance.

Organization really gets you thinking about things in a whole new light, you know?

Like... ever wonder why people wear clothes? - Nope!

Look at it this way, man's best friend is his apparel. Now...

you start to dress for success and you will score with the babes and

make the big bucks. Gotta admit that's true.

I don't have to admit that. - You have to admit that!

No I don't! - Yes you do!

I don't have to admit anything.

You have to admit there's hair on your head.

No I don't. - Well you have to admit that!

Well you have to admit your cat's dead!

He's deader than a doornail!

That cat is colder than a well-digger's ass!

Pretty hard to deny that isn't it, Mr. Smartypants.

Yep! Deceased. El Morto. No more mister kitty cat.

Man, I love drama. Really gets the old juices flowing.

What... oh no, it's after midnight! I have to get this car back!

This road leads to the freeway.

Oh horseshit!

It's not a road - it's a river! - River!

Stupid! It's the middle of the desert.

Turn around. I can't go out here. I have a heart condition.

I have to bury Simon first. - Bury the stinkin' cat now and turn around!

It has to be the right spot!

Great! This is just great! Now I'm stuck in the middle of the desert with an ignoramus!

You're the ignoramus! This is your car!

Stop! Have some of your cereal! See how you like that! Huh!?

Rub it in your hair and stick it up your butt!

Don't ever - ever! Call my cat stinky!

You're a killer! You're a sick killer!

Hey! - Oh... where are... please.

Car won't start. - Huh?!

Pop the hood, will you?

Ahh! I'm going to get kicked out of the organization for this.

The freeway's just over that hill. Go call the organization tell them to come out here to pick us up.