Hard Quiz

Tonight on Hard Quiz...

Expert subject, Lady Gaga.

Expert subject, William Butler Yeats.

Expert subject, Xanadu.

Expert subject, typewriters.

Here's your host Tom Gleeson.

Hello!

Yes, we're back, baby.

Welcome to Hard Quiz.

These contestants are heritage buildings and I'm a wrecking ball.

Last one to be demolished without council approval

will be tonight's Hard Quiz champion.

Let's say hello. G'day Michael.

Tom. Your expert subject is typewriters.

Correct. Why?

I used to work on them. Really?

Yes. You were a typewriter mechanic.

I was a typewriters mechanic, yes. Do you have a typewriter collection?

I've got a few. Yeah?

A shed full. Oh, there's a photo of it there.

Just a few.

There's your shed full there, look at that.

You've got an old car in there. You really do like old shit, don't you?

Yeah, yeah.

I think there's a few ABC viewers up the back, um...

And you're a quality manager. What does that mean?

I look after quality in a hospital.

So making sure that all the staff are doing the right things.

OK.

I run around with a clipboard, checking things off.

Do you ever say, "That's bad quality"?

Occasionally, yeah. What, to surgery?

That would be frightening. Uh... they're not too bad.

Yeah, you walk into the operating theatre and just go,

"This is bad quality, everyone.

"Step away from the carcass."

Brigid, you're expert subject is Xanadu.

Mm-hm.

Um... how can I put this?

It's a hard film to recommend.

I disagree.

Is it true that you came on this show because you needed to find

a husband, but you didn't want to go on Married At First Sight?

What do I answer to that? Well, you wrote it on the form.

Did you fill out the form late at night after a few wines?

I thought maybe it would be a better calibre of man,

maybe a little bit smarter, a little bit more funny, discerning.

OK.

Do you like typewriters?

Maybe.

I don't know Michael's status. Anyway...

Jess, your expert subject is the poet Yeats.

Yeah.

Is it true that you travelled around Ireland reading Yeats to lakes?

Yes.

So, I saved up to go when I was in my early 20s.

I hired a car, drove around all the main lakes

that he wrote about, and would get out, put on a coat,

get my book of Yeats, stand by the water and read it.

Yeah, and just read it to the water. Yeah.

OK. Are you lonely?

No. I had Yeats.

Oh, you had Yeats with you, OK.

Just a dead poet and water. Lovely.

Now you're a playwright. Yeah.

What's the point of being a playwright

when streaming services exist?

Great point, yeah.

Well, I'm just saying, like, if I had a choice between a theatre subscriber

or a Netflix subscriber, I know what I'd choose.

Would you? I think theatre subscribers are interesting.

Mm.

Alright, but, yes, there is not a lot of call

for theatre as much as Netflix,

which means you spend your time pursuing things like Hard Quiz.

Just like comedy, I imagine.

There it is. I love it.

Now, you're a member of a club called Friendly Vegans of Melbourne.

It sounds like a bad version of Real Housewives of Melbourne.

Yeah. It's mainly eating, I have to say.

That's the friendliest way to be vegan,

because you just cook something yum for someone and they go,

"Oh, that was vegan."

Mm. "That was disappointing," yeah. Never.

Well I'm a member of Angry Meat Eaters from Sydney.

Vinny. Hello. (LAUGHS)

Your subject is Lady Gaga. Yes.

Is your shirt made of her underpants?

Yeah, maybe. It outshines you though, on your own show, so...

Did you make the shirt yourself? No, I did not.

Oh, where'd you find it? ASOS online.

All my clothes are from there. They're all from ASOS Online?

Yes. I'm like the gap between, like, you know, teenage boy,

but like very small man,

so, like, my size doesn't exist in stores.

OK. Yeah.

Alright. Lovely.

I won't comment anymore on your size.

I know you're between small boy and tiny man.

So, Lady Gaga - have you met her?

Yeah, I have, a few times.

Last time I met her was five years ago when she was here, on her tour.

I look like a child. I still do.

But, you know, it's worse there.

How long did you have to creep around the get that photo?

We actually waited, like, five hours at the hotel.

Is it true she kept a painting that you made of her?

Yep, so, my friend Hannah and I drew a painting

and we asked her to sign it,

but we gave it to her, and she went, "This is so nice."

And then took it and then left. I'm not mad, but, like, I'm mad.

Did you do the painting yourself? With one of my friends, yes.

Oh, you did it together.

I contributed not that much, but I'll take credit for it.

Oh, what part of the painting did you do?

Um, see, like, the pencil bits above the hair?

Yeah. That.

Oh, you... OK, maybe you could do a painting of me, and...

Well, you have no hair, so it's easier, I guess.

I feel like I kicked that in front of the goal for you.

When you first got into Lady Gaga,

you said that you saw one of her songs on YouTube,

and then she was so sexy you had to watch it on your own in secret.

Well, I... What did you mean by that?

I thought she had a penis back when everyone thought she did.

Oh. And I was like, "Ooh!" Yeah.

OK. Yeah.

And that was a winner? Yeah.

Oh, well, she doesn't have one, so it's, like, a loss for me...

Oh, OK. But it's OK.

Do you ever watch Hard Quiz on iview in secret?

No.

I've got a penis.

I can confirm that.

Alright, well, let's play... HARD!

Win or lose five points. Steal an answer, double points.

I'll ask each of you five questions on your expert subject.

Right, you get five points, wrong, I will take five points from you.

The rest of you can steal at any time to get double points.

Let's start with Vinny and his expert subject Lady Gaga.

Here's one of Gaga's earliest hits.

According to the lyrics of Poker Face,

Lady Gaga is bluffin' with her what?

Vinny. Muffin.

Correct.

Yeah, you were probably hoping she was bluffin' with her tootsie roll.

Lady Gaga was born Stefani Germanotta,

with her surname giving rise to a high school nickname "the what"?

Vinny. The Germ?

Correct.

Wearing a dress made of meat at the 2010 MTV Video Music Awards,

Gaga was protesting the US military policy known as Don't Ask... what?

Vinny. Don't Tell.

Correct.

Ah, Jess, as a vegan, would you wear that dress?

I would not.

I would wear a tofu dress and it would be gorgeous.

In the video for Telephone,

Gaga and Beyonce Knowles drive the Pussy Wagon,

seen in which Quentin Tarantino film?

For the steal, it's Brigid! Kill Bill.

Correct. Double points to you!

Yes. Tarantino owns the Pussy Wagon

and he lent it to Gaga for the video,

but she wanted to call it the Muffin Wagon.

Alright, last question in your set, Vinny.

Playing Ally in A Star Is Born

and winning a Best Original Song Oscar for Shallow,

Gaga shot her first concert scenes at which Californian music festival?

Vinny. Coachella.

Correct.

Next set of questions is for Jess on the poet William Butler Yeats.

Born in Ireland, but educated in England until age 15,

Yeats' first high school report described as very poor

which aspect of his writing?

Jess. Spelling.

Correct. He was a bad speller.

After proposing numerous times to his great muse,

Maud Gonne, Yeats proposed to Iseult Gonne,

who was what relation to Maud?

Jess. Daughter.

Correct.

In 1917, Yeats championed a new device

he named the metallic homunculus,

that purported to communicate with what?

Brigid for the steal.

The dead.

Correct! Double points to you.

Yeats had what he called a strange second puberty

after a Steinach operation, a version of what contraceptive procedure?

Jess.

The one where you... Oh, what's its real name?

Um... vasectomy.

Correct.

The one where you, cut the...

Yes, yes.