Ted Lasso

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

No, Trevor, no. The bag has to go all the way in, okay?

Use all the space. Out the way. Thank you.

What's gone on back here? Right.

These need to be moved around, 'cause this is gonna jiggle about, otherwise.

Now, can we move-- Hello?

There's someone in here. Oh, my God.

Hey, almost forgot. You know how we're playing Everton tomorrow?

- Yeah. -Well, that's not a town.

-It's actually a team in Liverpool! - Like the Beatles!

If you see John, Paul, George or Ringo, will you take a picture, please?

Hey, you got it, big guy.

Okay, hey, I better get a roll on here, all right?

Okay. And Mom wants to talk to you. Hold on.

-I love you, buddy. - Love you too.

Still haven't told him John and George are dead?

They're what?

It was Keith Richards.

Hey, Ted.

-Hey. How you doing? - Good.

How's work going? Everything all right?

Yeah. I'm sorry. I know this isn't easy, but the paperwork the lawyer sent?

I know. Oh, hey.

Got it right here.

I'll, uh, look it all over, sign it, send it right back. I promise.

Okay, thanks. Hey, good luck tomorrow. We'll be watching.

All right now.

Whoo-hoo!

-Girls' trip! -Mm. Liverpool, here we come.

I just want to say up front

that I'm really flattered you asked me to come this weekend.

Oh. Come on now.

But, hey, we're both single. I think you are super hot.

If I'm gonna dip my toe back into the lady pool,

I can't think of a finer body of water to do it with than you.

No. Keeley, I think you're confused.

I was, at first. Then I was like, "Come on, Keeley.

Blow off some steam and have some wicked sex with your new friend."

I'm fucking with you.

Oh, my God.

I thought you were being serious. I mean, can you imagine?

Oh, I have.

Do-da do-da do do do do doo

Looks like we have a new passenger on today's flight.

Actually, Keeley will be taking your seat on the jet, Higgins.

Oh.

Sorry.

I'm gonna go spend a penny before we take off.

See you downstairs, Rebecca.

Oh, that's okay. I always enjoy the antics on the team bus.

No. I need you to stay here this weekend.

Doing work that doesn't matter.

All right, gentlemen. Who's ready to go show Everton what we got?

Whoo!

Thank you, Dani.

Jeez, Louise. Why's everybody so down in the dumps?

What happened? Did Beyoncé dump Jay-Z or something?

No, nothing like that.

Thank goodness. Just saying it out loud made me immediately sad.

Let me see what's going on here.

Hey, guys. Seriously, come on. Talk to me. What's up?

Well, we're fine.

Mm.

-Yeah, I'm all right. -Okay.

We're in a shit fucking mood because we never fucking win at Everton

and it sucks fucking shit!

Ah, come on, fellas.

How long has it been since y'all won up at Everton?

-Sixty years ago. -Jesus Christ.

Wow. That is a heck of a long time. Okay.

So we got that going on.

And obviously we're bummed out that O'Brien tore his butt.

It's my upper hamstring, Coach.

You tore your butt, son. There's nothing to be ashamed of, okay? It happens.

People tear their butts all the time in athletics. You're not alone, man.

Hey, Coach, you've torn your butt a few times, right?

-Three times. -Three times.

Butt's an amazing muscle. God as my witness, your butt will heal.

The silver lining here, with O'Brien's tore butt,

is that my man from Montreal is gonna be filling in at goalie.

-Give it up for Zorro. -Oh. It's pronounced, um, "Zoreaux."

-I'm sorry. Zorro. -"Zoreaux."

You-- I don't know what I'm doing wrong here.

Point is, gentlemen, unless one of y'all got a crystal ball,

we don't know what's gonna happen tomorrow.

That's why we play the game.

So let me hear it! Richmond on three! One, two, three!

-Richmond! -Right, come on. Let's go.

-Hey, Coach. -Howdy, fellas. How can I help you?

Um, so, uh, since Jamie Tartt has gone back to Man City,

uh, you've lost one, you've drawn one, you've not scored any goals.

-Yeah. -So I'm wondering,

how worried are you about the threat of relegation?

Lloyd, right now I'm mostly concerned with the definition of relegation.

What you got for me, Marcus?

Just wanted to know how you're feeling about the departure of Jamie Tartt.

Yeah. Um...

Well, if I'm being honest, it, uh, breaks my heart a little.

I think one of the neatest things about being a coach

is the connection you get to make with your players.

That's a loss that hits me a lot harder and is gonna stay with me a lot longer

than anything that happens while playing a game on a patch of grass.

All right. See you fellas in Liverpool, yeah?

Yeah.

Oh. Hey! Last one there is a Scotch egg! Whoo!

What?

Hey, there he is.

-Good to see you, buddy. -All right, let's go.

Here we go. It's the presidential suite. Hope it's to your satisfaction.

Would you like me to show you the various room amenities?

No, thank you.

My lady and I wanna have a quick shag and a shower

before we hit the town tonight.

Welcome to Liverpool.

What? He would've spent a cash tip in, like, a minute.

Come on. The image I just gave him is gonna last for a lifetime.

No, it's-- it's not you. It's-- Oh, fuck.

This is Rupert's and my anniversary weekend. And--

-It's the first one I've spent by myself-- -Hey, it's okay.

Thank you.

-Mm. -Ooh. That's a long hug.

So, just to remind you, the hotel furniture stays in the rooms,

not the hallway or the pool.

Nor are you allowed to ship it to your homes or other hotels, okay?

All right, fellas, we got team meal in an hour.

After that, it's either gonna be movie night or a pillow fight.

What's it gonna be this time around?

Movie night.

All right. But I tell you what, y'all say "pillow fight" one time,

and we'll never watch another movie together again.

-That's for you, Coach. -Thank you, sir.

-And that's for you. -Thank you.

Whoo! Room 5150. Finally.

Sammy Hagar, greatest lead singer in Van Halen history.

-In the post-David Lee Roth era. -Thank you.

-Coach, what room you got? -5148.

-Hey. -Howdy, neighbor.

Yes, hello. We still haven't received the champagne I ordered. Thank you.

Ah. Good question. One second.

Should I get the concierge to make us a reservation somewhere tonight?

Shipley's steak house is unmatched in its cuisine and ambience.

Mm. Is it now? Cool, I can do steak.

Uh, yes. The steak house for two, please.

Does 8:00 p.m. work for you?

The business center is open 24 hours a day.

Okay.

What was that about the business center?

Guests also have access to our state-of-the-art gym,

filled with the latest in workout technology.

Like kettlebells!

Oh, my God.

Liverpool has much to offer when it comes to nightlife.

From pubs and clubs, to the great Asian pastime of karaoke!

I don't even remember doing this.

- And if you're the artsy type-- -Right, enough.

This weekend is moving forward.

When that champagne arrives, we are going to get drunk, have a nice meal,

and leave the past in the past.

-Sound good? -Sounds fucking great.

Oh. Speak of the devil.

Hello, Stinky.

Still giving you the big room even without old gray walnuts footing the bill.

Good. Fuck Rupert!

Oh. Who's this then? Is this your concubine? Is she Russian?

-Are you Russian? -A, I love you. B, who are you?

Let me introduce Flo Collins, my best mate since we were little.

Brilliant child psychologist and proud, newly single...

Mm-hmm.

...mother to the most amazing 12-year-old little girl called Nora, my goddaughter.

Wow.

Both of whom I've completely neglected to speak to in the last six years.

Oh, Jesus, Stinky.

Remind me to bury you in the set list for speeches at my funeral.

Hi, I'm Flo. Or you can call me "Sassy." I don't care which.

So, you heard about the divorce?

Yeah. I bumped into Derren at a party. He told me right after he hit on me.

Hey, what's new? Still, weird order for him to roll out that information.

Right, what's in the plan for tonight, then?

Shall I call down? Get myself a robe?

Oh!

Look what I've got.

Ta-da!

Stole it off a room service trolley outside.

You're amazing!

-I'm Keeley, by the way. Hi! -Oh!

Yeah, I know who you are, honey.

My ex used to masturbate to you like a maniac, so...

Am I cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs thinking we can beat these guys tomorrow?

-No, we match up perfectly. -Exactly.

What about you, Nate? You believe these guys can win?

I believe this team can do anything.

See? There you go. That's what I'm talking about.

Okay, Nate. So if you were me, what would you tell these guys?

Oh, no. I wouldn't-- No, I don't--

Hey. I'm just asking for your opinion. You understand that, yeah?

-Yeah. -And you got one, yes?

-Yeah. -Locked, loaded, ready to rip?

Mm-hmm.

-Let me hear it. -No.

Why not? What are you afraid's gonna happen if you tell me?