South Park

South Park 902 512x384 Xvid 141MB

Die Hippie, Die

Hello, ma'am. I'm working to clean up the neighborhood from parasites.

Do you mind if I take a quick look around your house? I'm afraid you may have hippies.

Hippies?

Yeah, they've been poppin' up all over the neighborhood lately.

Ms. Nelson next door had seven hippies in her basement; they usually live in colonies.

I don't like the sound of that. Could I take a look in your attic?

Oh yeah, boy. Take a look at this, ma'am.

See that? Hippies.

Oh my.

These are what we call the uh giggling stoners. Pretty common form of hippie, usually found in the attics.

Problem is, if you see one hippie, there's probably a whole lot more you're not seein'.

Uh, whe-where's the backyard.

Yep, that's what I thought. See that? You've got a drum circle in your backyard.

Oh, well they showed up a few days ago, but I didn't think they were hurting anything.

Yeah. You know, I had a guy in Jackson county. He had a little drum circle in his backyard.

It turned into a drum circle four miles in diameter.

You get a few hippies playing drums and next thing you know, you got yourself a colony.

Oh dear. Well, so, so what do I do?

Well, your attic could be so we can fumigate with polymerethane. The drum circle we're gonna have to gas.

- Goddamnit! - Whoa, how did I get here? Man, I'm so high.

- Goddamn hippie! - Whoa, dude!

-Get out of here! - Not cool! What's up?!

Ma'am, I need to clear out your giggling stoners and your drum-cricle hippies RIGHT NOW,

- or soon they're gonna attract something much worse! - What's that?

The college know-it-all hippies.

Wow, my friend Brittany was right. This is a really laid-back place.

Yeah, this will be a great place to spend spring break.

- Hey, let's ask them. - All right.

'Scuse me. Hello, we are selling magazine subscriptions for our community youth program.

Would you like to help young people like us by purchasing a subscription of your choice?

You guys shouldn't be doing that. Don't you know what you're doing to the world?

Wha- whataya mean?

You're playing into the corporate game!

See, the corporations are trying to turn you into little Eichmanns so that they can make money.

Who are the corporations?

The corporations run the entire world. And now they fooled you into working for them.

Are you serious?? We never heard that.

We just spent our first semester at college. Our professors opened our eyes.

The government is using its corporate ties to make you sell magazines so they can get rich.

- Those dirty liars! - Sonofabitch!

This is a really nice town you have here. That's why the corporations are trying to use you to take it down.

- Well... Well what do we do? - Just hang with us for a bit.

We'll fill you in on everything you haven't been told.

It is time to let us out! I'm sending your names! Open this door right now!

All right, in you go.

- What are you doing, man?! - Let us out!

Get back. Get back or you're all gonna get maced!

- What's up, man?! You can't keep us down here like this! - What's wrong with you?!

What's wrong is that there's more of you showing up every day and I need to find out why!

What makes you think you could tell us where to live?!

This is a free country, man!

Brah, I'm not gonna argue with you, all right? Just go with it.

Just go with it? We've been down here for days!

What's goin' on in this world o'mine? There's a whole lot of killin' in this world o'mine.

Somebody's gotta help this world o'mine...

Sign, sign everywhere. Sign Done something to my mind

Stan, sweetie, we're gonna go to the mall. Do you wanna come?

Mom, the mall is a way for the corporate fatcats to imprison you into a life of servitude.

I've got some stuff you should read.

Okay, sweetie.

All right, people, we can move onto issue number 14B.

Mayor, we have got to do somethin' about all these potholes on our roads!

We don't have it in the budget to fix them right now.

We'll wish we spent the money when we have a lawsuit on our hands.

- You can't go in there! -Please, I have to talk to you all right now!

Kid, we're have a city council meeting.

Mayor, something very big is happening, and if you all don't give me a moment of your time,

there may be no more South Park to council over!

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about the end of all life as we know it.

For the past several days I've been... noticing a steep rise in the number of hippies coming to town.

At first I thought maybe it was just a coincidence.

Then I saw this...

Three new drum circles have sprouted up here, here, and here.

They're all growing in diameter, at a rate of two hippies per hour.

What this means... is that the hippies are conglomerating.

They'er thriving, if you will. I think that they're setting up for a... hippie music festival.

A what?

Ti's, it's simple science. Look: When hippies start to nest in a new area, it draws other hippies in.

With the right weather conditions and topography, it can lead to a music festival.

One that last for days, even weeks. Reggae on the River, Woodstock, Burning Man,

they will all pale in comparison to what we're looking at now.

In my professional opinion... I think we're looking at a full-blown hippie jam festival the size of which we've never seen.

Kid, what the hell are you talking about?

I know hippies. I've hated them all my life.

I've kept this town free of hippies on my own since I was five and a half.

But I can't contain them on my own anymore. We have to do something, fast!

Eric, we're, we're talkin' about potholes right now, m'kay.

It's not potholes you need to worry about. It's potheads.

I know what these people are capable of.

Johnson, get him out of here.

What are you doing?! You have to listen to me! You can't sweep this problem under the rug!

The town is in serious danger!

You see, the corporations take their profits and invest it in the war machine while keeping everyone blind.

- Right, so how do we get back at them? - Yeah, we're pissed off.

Well, so my idea was this: Let's have like a weeklong music festival, draw everyone here,

and then together, we can tear it all down.

Whoa, what the hell?!

I knew you were trying to have a hippie jam festival! All right, everyone pack up your crap, we're going to our basement!

Cartman, what the hell are you doing?!

Oh Jesus, not you guys?

What happened? Were you bit? Did you eat their brownies? DID YOU EAT THEIR BROWNIES?!

NO!

Listen, you're my friends, but if you've been comprimised, I'll have no problem taking you out!

I'll expect the same from you.

What is your problem? Get lost, little Eichmann.

- Oh my God! - What the hell are you doing?!

Everybody get in a single-file line!

There you are!

Officer Barbrady, you're just in time.

These college know-it-all hippies were setting up for a music festival, just as I predicted.

Eric Cartman, you are under arrest.

What?

I was just over at your house and freed sixty-three people you had locked in your basement.

You let them out?! Jesus, we have to find them!

- Oh no, you're coming downtown! - No! No, we have to stop them!

You know how we-?! We gotta stop them! Hebbiaaay!

Who was that?

- What did I do?! - You can't kidnap people and lock them in your basement.

They're not people, they're hippies!

Is this problem under control?

I handled it, Mayor. Gee whiz.

Mayor! Mayor, I confirmed the data! The hippies are going to have a massive jam band concert!

I know. I signed the permit.

You... You what?

I signed a permit allowing them to have their concert here.

Their little "festival" should pump some money into our economy.

They're hippies! They don't HAVE any money! Does the city council know about this?!

They don't have to know. I can sign whatever permit I want!

You just sold out our town!

That kid really needs some psychiatric help.

Yeah.

All right, let's go.

How much money is enough, Mayor?! How many people's lives it it all worth?! GODDAMNED HIPPIE!

This is a South Park News special report!

Thousands of people have descended on South Park for a hippie music jam festival.

The event is said to be the largest such gathering in the history of man.

All right, welcome to Hippie Jam Fest 2005!

Sooo great to see sooo many people turn out to make an impact on on the world!

- Yeah! - You said it!

For too long, the corporations have bled the world of its love and resources!

It is time for us to get to work and make the world a better place!

And we'reg onna start right now.

Oh man, I can't wait to see the look on those little Eichmanns' faces when they hear this crunchy groove.

- Sharon, have, have you seen Stan? - He went with his friends to that music festival.

Oh, Jesus, what has gotten into that kid?!

Now, Randy, we were the same way once, too.

Don't forget that we were both considered hippies back in the '60s.

Yeah, but when we did it we actually stood for something.

I mean, remember Woodstock, Sharon? We actually did something there.