All Cheerleaders Die

- So, why do it? - 'Cause it's dangerous.

Like you can sprain a tit or something.

This is the most dangerous sport in American high school, bitch.

More dangerous than football?

More catastrophic injuries per student.

- How do I look? - Dangerous.

Duh.

Take me through a typical Thursday.

Well, first I get up at the ass crack for my run.

I mean, obviously staying in shape is a part of the gig.

It's called cheerleading. You know, I have to be a leader.

Oh, Marvin.

And diplomatic.

Proactive.

Seriously, hon.

Come to the realm, boys!

My bitches do not disappoint.

So why do you call yourselves bitches?

Blackfoot Bloodhounds, yo.

Boys be dogs, girls be bitches. Gangster.

Not now, Leena.

Maddy!

After that, I track down Terry and, um...

Blue up his balls.

God, Terry charges my bones. For real.

Next year, he's captain of the football team and...

I'm captain of the squad, so it's pretty much gonna be the best year ever.

MMS class.

I avoid taking honors classes, so I can maintain all A's.

Overheard that from a senior bitch, freshmen year.

Take basic classes, show up on time

and always look hot!

And he's married!

Hey, Trace. K-Mads is making me the star of her little class video.

Please, call me Maddy. Not K-Mads.

Hey! Each day this week, I'm filming a different student.

Getting school from their perspective. So...

Well, oh! Hi!

Easy to judge everyone else from behind this thing, huh?

Yeah, can I?

Thank you!

Do you wanna show me some action now?

Bitch, I thought you would never ask.

- Where's Hanna? - Here!

- Sorry, Lexi, the head got stuck and... - Put it on.

- Well? - Magical.

All right, smart ass.

Check this shit out.

Oh, my God!

Get up, Alexis!

Alexis!

Bomb Vik. Get that arm warm, cuz.

Oh, poor Hanna. Still a prisoner to child lock.

Thank you, Manny.

Hanna!

Seriously?

Not in front of my little sister.

Okay.

Yeah.

Okay.

- Cheetos. - Goddamn, dude.

- Are you serious? - Yeah.

I would've eaten those.

Nah, it taste like shit.

Listen up, chiquitas.

I got one spot open.

But, I don't have to take any of you.

I'd rather be one bitch short, than have a weakling.

When I say your name, line up in front of me.

And girls...

Don't waste my time.

Corra.

Jen.

Bonnie.

Megan.

Vanessa.

What the f?

Maddy?

Dang, man. Who is that?

Maddy.

Goddamn, somebody gave that bitch a credit card.

What do you think you're doing?

Uh, there's a spot open and I want it.

This isn't easy for us, okay, Maddy?

We put it off as long as possible, out of respect to Lexi.

God rest her soul.

Yeah, well, Alexis was my friend, too.

Did you guys know that we did gymnastics together, 7th grade?

I guess, she went one way and I went another and...

I don't know, I guess with everything...

Look, I uh, I just know that she was happier than me and I wanna find out why.

I'm not asking for any favors.

You won't get any.

Keep it up. Let's go, let's go.

Hey, why don't you kiss George.

Come on, take what you want like a goddamn pro.

Come on!

Ow!

Welcome to the squad, bitch.

Check this shit out.

Oh, my God!

Oh, shit.

- Oh, my God! - Alexis!

So, uh, here is the new wardrobe.

Ta da!

You cannot believe the kind of money these chicks drop on clothes.

Physical stuff, I can handle.

The hard part is going to be, pretending that I actually like those dumb bitches.

Like that dipshit, Tracy.

Acts like she's all sad

but then, jumps on Terry's jock

before Alexis is even in the ground.

That's classy.

And Terry...

Mr. big bad wolf himself.

I'm gonna ruin your perfect little senior year, dog.

Jesus Christ!

Leena, what do you want?

Wow, you look, uh...

Uh...

You... you have a lot of makeup on.

- So? - Can we talk?

No.

Uh, please?

Look, I'm sorry things got so intense.

And I'm trying to respect that you want to be alone and everything,

- but, we really need to talk. - About what?

About you and... and...

Well, Little Madeline here.

Oh, hell no, you did not name the kitten after me.

- Oh, fuck, Leena. - I know it's pathetic and...

I was lonely and it doesn't matter, okay?

She was in perfect health when I got her and then, I gave her your name

and she got sick, just like that out of nowhere.

And I suppose, you want me to think it's one of your signs, am I right?

Well, yeah. I mean...

Look at yourself.

You're like a different person.

Something is going on, right?

Can you just listen?

She didn't just get sick, okay?

- She died. - Leena!

It's over.

What's up, bitch?

Sick threads. Make 'em yourself?

Yeah.

Did Mads tell you the news? It's official.

She's a cheer... leader.

Later.

Blackfoot Bloodhounds, bitches.

Ow!

I'm sorry, sis.

Hey, this really brings out your face.

- Really? - You look so beautiful, yeah.

- Really? - Totally.

You okay?

Do you think Lexi would be mad at me?

Why?

- 'Cause of me and Terry. - Oh.

- I'm rotten. - No, you're not rotten.

- Tracy, you're just... You're living. - Hmm.

Did you like him before?

Uh, before Alexis died, I mean.

I wasn't going to do anything about it.

I mean, Lexi and I always liked the same things that's why we were best friends.

Mmm.

Well, don't look at me like that.

- I didn't do anything wrong. - No, I'm...

Damn it, seriously, okay?

Dogs are coming over.

You know the rules.

It's bitches only, tonight. Okay?

So, run along.

And Mr. Man. Yeah, don't even think about calling me tonight.

Martha, my dear?

We would never consider breaking Blackfoot tradition.

Which is why,

we are on our way to break into the school for our annual pool party.

Dogs, only.

I just came to drop something off for my gal.

Oh, man, I wanted to piss in their pool.

Bye, Martha!

We were just talking about you.

- Oh, yeah? - Mmm-hmm.

Here.

I found it. It's broken. But, it's still kinda cool, right?

Aw! You're so sweet.

It's just a broken clasp, I can make it work.

Where'd you find it?

Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God! - Oh!

Look!

Look, so sweet!

Yeah, it is.

What's wrong?

I don't know, I...

I feel like I should tell you something

but, you just seem so happy.

Jesus. Okay, now you have to tell me.

Okay, will you...