Vidar the Vampire (VampyrVidar)

At this stage, no one really knows who or what is responsible for this gruesome incident.

Several animals have been slain in what could be described as an occult ritual.

There is no explaining how these animals were drained of blood

without significant cuts or injuries.

I'm here with Vidar Hårr who is in charge of this farm,

and Vidar, you awoke to this nightmare.

Who do you think is responsible?

This is the Devil's work, and he is not welcome on our farm.

If he returns, I'm gonna pump him full of lead with this shotgun.

In the name of Jesus.

It's not easy to get to the bottom of this, ehh...

The circumstances are quite absurd.

At this stage, we have yet to acquire any serious information.

What do you mean by "serious"?

Ehh...

Seriously!

I woke up in the middle of a pentagram, -

turned my head to the right, and behold...

a sheep.

Then, I turned my head to the left, and behold...

yet another sheep.

They were both dead.

What went through your mind?

Are these our sheep?

Don't eat the microphone!

Were they your sheep?

They were.

'Every Sunday members of 'The Children of Creation',

an extremely conservative Christian congregation, gather for worship.

Today, they are preparing an attack against the evil that has struck their community.

'We will pray strenuously for the Hårrs.'

Through prayer we will build a divine fence around their farmstead, -

on top of blessing the livestock.

'We hope these measures will deflect any further satanic attacks.

'And they will. Jesus is on our side.'

Vidar, why are we watching this?

I just wanted to prepare you.

Prepare me?

Yeah. This story won't make any fucking sense.

Why would you say that?

'Cause I'm not right in the head, that's why.

I no longer know what's up or down; what's right or wrong.

When am I dreaming? What's reality?

I've lost my fucking marbles!

That's Why I'm here, right?

To see if you can help me out, straighten my head, -

fix me, if at all possible.

Nothing is impossible.

The best way to go about this would be for you to tell your story, -

- and together we can work out whether or not this story makes any sense.

Does that make sense?

Fine. Where do we start?

From the beginning is usually best.

From the very beginning?

Where I was born, grew up, that sort of stuff?

Or shall we begin when I was born into darkness...

Start wherever you like, Vidar.

Very well.

Okay.

It was an ordinary day...

and as usual it started at the break of dawn.

You should know, I've never been a morning person, -

'- and I never will be.

'But as a farmer you have no choice.

'There's too much shit to be done.'

Shut the fuck up!

Free time is drinking time

And drinking time is angst time

And angst time, yeah, that's my time

So, my time is best without free time

Slow and steady wins the race!

Work time is a dull time

And a dull time is a grave time

And a grave time, yeah, that's my time B

So, my time is best without work time

Night time is a good time B

And a good time is free time

Yeah, free time, yeah, that's my time

Yet, my time is best without free time

Why weren't you in church?

I had to work. Mom's not feeling well.

Thou shalt keep the Sabbath holy.

Thou shalt SHUT YOUR FACE!

What do you want?

Karin wants to ask you something.

Then I will ask.

Would you like to go... steady with Karin?

I thought you were going steady with Jonas.

They broke up. She wants to be with you now.

For real?

Do you want to go steady or not?

I don't really know.

Don't you want to?

Sure, I guess I do.

Say yes, then.

Very well.

Come join us outside.

Okay.

God, I'm bound for the meadows

To drown all of my sorrows

Dirty water will swallow me whole

And in silence I will go down

I have to go, please understand

I need get there as soon as I can

All my hardships are overcome

The gates of heaven are open to me

So, if you see me hop-skipping away

Singing all to myself

Tell my mom I attempted to give

A legacy to my son

God, I'm bound for the meadows

To drown all of my sorrows

Dirty water will swallow me whole

And in silence I will go down

Did you really think Karin wanted to go steady with you?

You will never get a girlfriend.

Fucking farmer!

Stop crying!

Run home to your mama!

Oh, Lord!

I dare not wait any longer

While Jesus is still by my side

The pearly gates will be open to me

Although some folks will disagree

God, I'm bound for the meadows

To drown all of my sorrows

Dirty water will swallow me whole

And in silence I will go down

'Vidar, is that you?'

Yes.

'Who rang the doorbell earlier?'

Some kids from church.

'What'd they want?'

Nothing.

'Could you get me a glass of water?'

What's that?

Water.

Did you close the tap?

Turn on the cooling?

Yes.

Tuck in the pigs?

I've taken care of everything.

You're a good boy, Vidar.

Remember your bedtime prayers.

Yes!

'If you truly exist...

'If you can hear my prayers, -'

you have to wake me from this fucking nightmare!

I can't take this anymore.

I hate my life!

I'm 33 years old, god damnit, and I still live at home with my mom.

I want out!

All I ever do is work.

I want to live freely.

I want to drink, fuck and fight!

I want to taste a variety of women in their twenties and up.

Twenty plus.

Amen.

Come.

'Ask and it will be given to you; -

'- seek and you will find.'

Who turned on the fucking lights?

'I did.'

Who am I?

'I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last.

'I am the Living One; I was dead, and now look, I am alive forever and ever!'

I can't see shit.

'Fear ye not! Soon you will see the world through brand new eyes.

'He who has Christ in him is a new creature:

'Old things are passed away; all things are become new.

'I have come into the world as a light; -

'- that you may have life, and have it to the full.'

Do you accept Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior?

Lord, save me!

This is my body.

Open wide...

and eat!

Whoever eats my flesh and drinks my blood remains in me, -

and I remain in them.

I'm sorry. Let me see if I got this straight.

What you're telling me is that...

you accepted Jesus?

I accepted the body of Christ; I became one with Jesus.

And, Jesus himself was there?

In person, -

violated you orally,

before offering his blood. The blood of the covenant...

to you?

And this took place in your mom's barn?

Yes.

That's right.

Yeah... I'm a little hesitant to ask what happened next -

after you... accepted Jesus.

I got sick.

Okay?

'I tried everything:

Traditional medicine, modern medicine, -

'- strong medicine, herbal medicine.'

I tried physical therapy, light therapy, homeopathy.

I tried healing.