The Simpsons

Am I the only one who remembered daylight savings time?

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Been here 17 years.

Been on the HBO, the Netflix

and one House Hunters International.

But now I got two new hotshot lawyers working my case.

No sign of a struggle, no DNA evidence in the cabin

and no attractive young woman declared missing.

I think there's a very real chance no one was murdered.

I was on the jury that convicted him.

Had we known there was no victim,

we might not have voted guilty.

I repeat, might not.

Fantastic news.

We got picked up for a second season.

And my appeal?

Mostly to women 25 to 54.

Oh. You mean "appeal" appeal.

Oh, well, that's not happenin.

What is it, sweetie? Are you gassy?

Uh, when is she not gassy?

Baby burn.

If only you could talk.

It's the people who can't speak that have so much to share.

Or maybe not.

Wait a minute. I think there's a show

about teaching a baby sign language.

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I could finally talk to my baby.

Maggie, we have a fun week of repetitive drills ahead.

I wonder what the kid was so upset about.

Don't worry, little baby.

I'll be okay till morning.

Now I'm screwed.

Congratulations, babies, we've learned some great signs today.

I hope you don't want "more," because we're "all done,"

because our government funding "ran out."

Okay, Maggie.

Do you want "more" or are you "all done"?

"More" or "all done"?

"More" or "all done"?

"More" or "all done"?

"More" or "all done"?

"More" or "all done"?

"More" or "all done"?

"More" or "all done"?

"More" or "all done"?

Oh, great, now I'm out of Cheerios.

Oh, I thought they were doughnuts

that were really far away.

"More"?

"More"? Aw, that's 22.

You busted.

Always say "all done" on a hard 17.

Can you say that? "Hard 17"?

Don't teach her gambling.

Let's go, dealer. One more hand.

Aw, sir, I don't want to take your money.

Remember to make sure that the warriors you kill

are actually dead.

I recommend stabbing, dissolving in acid,

dynamite in the butt...

Jason. You're late for dinner!

Ma, I'm talking to 30 million people!

Boil them, let pigs eat them, Kentucky-fry them...

Don't play that in front of Maggie. She'll have nightmares.

Eh, suit yourself.

This is more like it.

"Hansel shoved the blood-covered witch into the oven.

'I'm burning alive,' screamed the witch."

More? More?

You want more book?

My baby's communicating with me.

- Let me test it out. Do you like peas? - _

- Do you like applesauce? - _

- Do you like Star Wars movies? - _

What about Baby Yoda?

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Hmm.

This is so exciting. Look, look what Maggie can do.

Maggie, do you want "more"?

That's my girl.

Look, everyone. She's doing it.

Yeah, that's great.

Dad, check this out.

He only sings when we're not looking.

Classic aggravation humor.

A dancing frog.

Bet that would cook up nice.

You're missing a crucial moment in Maggie's development

because of these.

From now on, we're gonna limit the time

we spend looking at our stupid phones.

Yeah, that's great.

And then we'll have a conversation.

Steve Jobs wouldn't let his children use his iPads,

and he was a great parent, I assume.

From now on, everyone gets a half hour of screen time a week.

- And that's it. - Really, Marge?

You think you can give up your Pinterest?

My cake fails are important.

If people fail at cake, they need to be told.

Okay. Half an hour a week

for everyone, including me.

I believe there's something you're forgetting.

And? And?

No more screens. You, too.

Here at Messages, we treat your addiction humanely,

with hiking and biking and human equivalents of things

that work with rats.

And all we ask for is your brain when you die.

Well, let's pray this place won't be necessary.

All right, let's round 'em up.

Okay. It's been one week.

Let me check your screen times.

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Wow. They're really low.

I'm so proud of you.

I forgot how great it was to crack the spine of a book.

I'm calmer, I'm happier,

I'm seeing things I never saw before.

Did you know our second dog is a cat?

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Hmm?

Sorry, last time I was here,

I left my screen time reversal wrench.

I could just get that back.

You guys have been having this man dial back your screen time?

Oops. Looks like I just lost a contract.

Well, anybody want to buy a van?

It only has two miles on it.

- What the...? - Okay, close your eyes.

I'm putting these someplace you'll never find them.

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No cell phone. Stuck at work all day with nothing to do.

Lookin' at my feet.

Hey, big guy. What, are you bored?

Why don't you do the Daily Jumble in the paper?

Unscramble the words to solve a funny riddle.

Oh, that's what it is.

I thought the proofreader had a stroke.

- _ - Let's see.

Hmm.

"D-D-A."

Hmm. "D-D-A."

Hmm.

"D-D-A." Hmm.

"Dad." "Dad." I got something!

For the first time ever, I solved a puzzle.

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"Dad ate all the pie."

Call the newspaper. Tell them someone has solved it.

And get me some pie.

I love not using a phone.

It's made me much more in tune with the world.

It's like my senses are heightened.

Okay, Maggie, time to go.

Say goodbye to your aunts.

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- _ - So cute.

What's she saying?

She always sleeps so good when she's here.

Huh?

Careful. If we enter the Martian atmosphere

at too steep an angle, we'll burn up.

Tell my family I love them.

They know that, Steve.

They know.

Bart has to use his imagination.

This is Jupiter One. Do you copy?

I copy.

What are you doing?

I'm talking to Jupiter One.

Oh, I'll show you Jupiter One.

Jupiter One to mission control.

Firing photon torpedoes.

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Um, I'm doing a very important two-page paper.

Do you have any way to find a book without using a computer?

Well, the old card catalogue is in the basement.

Bang on this pot to scare the possums away.

Okay.

Uh...

Hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mmm, old card stock.

So tactile.

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Look, this one has an old handwritten note.

"Dear Reader..." Ooh, that's me.

"See also: Lost Wax Technique."