Deported

¶ Let's go, oh, ooh The way that you pop, girl ¶

¶ Makes me go cray ¶

¶ Show me whatcha got, girl ¶

¶ You could be my new thang Ooh, the way that you move ¶

¶ Makes me go cray ¶

¶ Pick it up, now drop, girl ¶ You could be my new thang ¶

- Yeah, look, it's a party! Happy Halloween!

Yeah, dude, you want some beers? Here, here you go, man!

-Here you go, what's up? -Douglas, Douglas!

Douglas, we can't do that, those beers are for customers.

Someone paid for that, and it, it wasn't you.

-So customers-- -Listen up, brace face.

-You get in the Halloween spirit, all right? -

¶ Heard it's your birthday ¶

¶ Grab a drink if you thirsty ¶

-Man, whoa. -Yeah, bro, sick costumes.

Man, those costumes are sick.

These aren't costumes, we're here delivering groce--

Um, yes, yes, of course they're costumes.

My son, here, he's only 16.

He gets really into character.

That's your son.

Yeah, I can see it.

Well, they have the same visors.

But what, what are you bringing your son to a party for, bro?

That's not even cool, man, you got to be responsible.

You got to be a responsible dad, man.

Look, I know you're feeling a lot, a lot of pressure

to be a cool dad and everything,

but you're not hurting anybody but him.

Yeah.

Well, well, well, you see, my, my son, um, well--

Oh, well, you know what I do with my son? I leave him the fuck at home.

Yeah, be a parent, not a friend.

All right, guys, I'm just gonna level with you, okay?

I, I shaved my nuts to be here tonight,

so, please just, just let us in.

-Dude, that's too much information, bro. -Way too much. Did you bring--

Please just let us in the party, I'll do anything.

-Just give us the beer, bro. -Yeah.

-I can come in? -We got to keep partying!

-Come on! - Yeah, come on, get in, get in!

¶ Let's play casino ¶

¶ Bring four friends Plus you, bingo ¶

¶ Ain't nothing but a flirt ¶

You know, this whole slutty Halloween costume thing

is really getting out of hand.

Uh, well, it's my party,

so you're going to have to deal with it,

'cause Mama bear likes sipping on her porridge,

"Ma-ma-ma-ma-mam."

Oh, hold up. Come on, man, what's that costume?

-I'm... good looking. -What's your costume?

I'm really, really hot.

And I'm getting laid.

This guy's going as a guy who just wants to get laid.

He looks like he would get laid.

-Jesus! -What, what time did you get here?

Oh, I just got here a few minutes ago.

-'Cause I had to get ready. -That's funny, 'cause you're only wearing

a shirt and a hat.

I'm, I'm a cop.

I know, it's a joke.

Ah.

Oh, my God, you're so cute.

-Thank you. -Tell me I'm pretty.

-You're beautiful. -Oh, my God, thank you.

That's so nice of you to say.

-Hey, well, you know, you told me to, so-- -

I did not. I'm going to arrest you.

And your Grandma.

- -Oh, my God, my Halloween cookies are ready.

Here, hold that.

Oh, these are going to be so good.

I'm so excited.

Oh, my God, I just burned my fucking hand.

-Why-- -Holy mother of God.

-What the-- -What kind of shitty fucking house

only has one god damn oven mitt.

-Are you okay? -

-You all right? -You shut the fuck up!

Don't look at me!

Don't fucking look at me!

It's a weird costume, you don't fit in!

Pardon me, beep, beep.

-Coming through. -Oh, my God.

- -You got a real costume on.

Cheers, man, to giving All Hallows' Eve the respect it deserves.

All right!

Oh, here, I got ya.

I know how hard it is. I once dressed up as a banana.

Couldn't get anything under that peel.

That's dope, bro.

I made my costume.

You know, I made this costume using all stuff

-I found around my own home. -Dude, you seriously have a gift

for making people look like dicks.

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.

That is the nicest thing that anybody has ever said to me.

Thanks, man.

You totally get me.

The more pressure we place on the future,

the less fun it is now.

You know, recently, I noticed that people are obsessed

with commitment in all walks of life.

You know, like, I went to get a new cell phone

and the cell phone guy tried

to get me locked into a two-year plan.

I'm like, "Excuse me, sir.

Two years, um, what am I, a fucking crazy person?"

Who can commit to a cell phone plan for two fucking years?

Um, everyone?

What?

Okay, well, you know, there's a lot of good options out there.

I'm just fucking with you, man.

I'm from Canada and up there we keep it super casual.

You're from Canada?

This is making being your friend very hard, man.

-I wouldn't have even been-- - Get the hell out of here!

Come on! This guy snuck into the party.

Sorry, I'm going, I just got to get my boss!

Okay, all right. Well, I can't even enjoy this

knowing we're 35 minutes behind schedule.

Sorry!

Get out, go!

For the record, home delivery is a right not a privilege.

And you, sir, have lost that fucking privilege!

It's ma'am, come on. - We value our customers.

Okay, we appreciate your business.

Wow!

Way to take a hit, man. You're the man.

No, man, thanks for helping me up, you're the man.

-No, you're the man. -No...

...you're the man!

What the fuck?

See, you're the man.

Holy shit!

- Ready? - Yeah.

- Let's do it. -

Oh, it's warm.

But it won't burn. It won't burn.

- Okay. - Okay, okay, okay.

- Oh, that's a good one. -

- What? -Looks like you're soul mates.

Oh, no, we're just fucking.

Don't tell me I'm wrong.

-Don't you dare. -Um...

-We should, we should go. -I'm scared.

-Yeah, we should go. -Let's go.

Thank you.

Ow, wearing heels is the worst.

-Feet hurt? -Yeah.

-Yeah. -If you tied a plaid around your waist too.

Ah, the beaver.

¶ 'Cause when I look in your Eyes I see the man I could be ¶

¶ And I want more From you, honey... ¶

-Don't. -What? It's my food, I want to take a picture.

Oh, no, she's posting a picture of her food.

What the hell is that?

-That's you. -Those are not--

Yeah, it is.

Ross 1 and Ross 2.

¶ Love ¶

-Wake up. -

- - I can't believe you're going to India for a week.

-That's too long. - I know, I have to do a few more

of these workshops so I can go

from, like, an apprentice chef to a chef chef.

-Very fancy. -Very fancy.

Hey, I downloaded a bunch of movies on your iPad.

Threw in some extra batteries into your bag for your headphones.

-Oh, my gosh, you're the best. -No prob.

Ooh, ooh, I left my passport, I forgot my passport.

Oh, no, that's right here.

Along with your Visa.

What?

Babe, thank you.

Are you sure you don't want a ride to the airport?

Oh, that's sweet, I just got an Uber though.

Okay.

-Bye. -Bye.

See you in a week.

Just so you know, I'm not seeing anybody else.

Cool.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding, me neither.

Uh... is that what I say?

-Yeah. -Okay, all right.

That's a nice place to kiss.

I'll see you in a week.

-Bye. -Bye.

-Hey! -Hey, Mom!

-Thanks for coming by. -Yeah. You know your headphones

are attached to nothing, right?

-What? -Your head--

Oh, oh, yeah, I don't listen to music on them.

They, they reduce noise.

I haven't heard your father's

phlegmy breathing in two weeks.

I wish he had a 57 label on his face

so I could just smack it until his throat clears.