Shameless

With strong language, violence and drug use.

Tickets this way for the Chatsworth Express.

Come and watch pikeys making a mess

of the lives they were given by 'im up stairs.

And kids they're convinced aren't actually theirs.

Stay away!

What sounds on earth could ever replace

kids needing money or wives in your face?

Cos' this, people reckon, and me included

is why pubs and drugs were kindly invented.

To calm us all down to stop us going mental.

These are Chatsworth Estate's basic essentials.

We are worth every penny for grinding your axes.

You shit on our head.

But you pay the taxes.

LAUGHTER

Imagine a Britain without Chatsworth buccaneers

who'd cum on your face for the price of a beer.

Make poverty history. Cheaper drugs now!

Scatter.

Party!

In science we got told all kinds of these 'law' things,

like, "For every action there's an equal and opposite reaction."

I don't ever want to see your faces around Chatsworth again.

You got it?

I've got a new one

something about, "When two bodies are on the run,

"the lack of planning and the distance they travel, is directly

"proportional to how much bullshit they're leaving behind."

It was here on this very spot just under a week ago that local teenager

Ted Boden, known affectionately as Bonehead to friends, had attended

a house party after which he was brutally attacked and later died.

Please call Carl.

'This seemingly unprovoked assault has left Chatsworth residents

'reeling in shock and detectives are no closer to finding the killer.'

Hey Compo grieving or not.

Still no sign?

Of what?

Of what? Something bad's happened.

Oh, don't be daft.

When?

Carl's gone missing.

No he's not.

Guess you won't be coming to the Jockey then?

Invitation duly accepted.

I bet you a packet of fig rolls he'll be back tomorrow with a cheeky smile on his face.

He's not even checking Facebook.

Look, when I was his age I followed the Bay City Rollers on tour

for ten days without telling anyone.

Oh, you were considerate!

Slapper! Is that where you were?!

Carl always says, "See ya". Always.

Still?

How've you got one?

Haven't.

Saved this.

What the fuck for?

If it had been you and not Bonehead shagging her then, bye bye, Chesney.

I wouldn't have showed it everyone.

Who were you calling?

Anyone. Who'll come and get us out of this shithole.

Tell anyone why we left they're in danger.

Yeah, so we'll lie low. Stay out of sight until Jimmy's nicked.

Thinking with your dick was the start of all this.

You're to blame as well.

Why?

YOU bet I couldn't shag Sammi.

This is fucking stupid.

How far to the ferry?

Too fucking far.

Does it still count as a honeymoon if you don't go straight away?

Exactly!

If you want somewhere proper it's worth waiting for.

Safari?

That won't be cheap.

Real baboons.

His father's nose is coming through.

Go away! I'd've knocked you right out, la!

There's no need for that.

Long as nana's accent stays at bay.

So what're you saying?

Fuck off!

Did you clock that?

He's just took it the wrong way.

What?

The threat to knock him out, Mum.

He knows I'm joking.

It's not you it's just, your manner can be...

Say what you mean, Karen.

To a more delicate soul you might sometimes come across slightly aggressive.

Me?! Aggressive?!

Y'all right Jamie. Can I have a lager and a blackhead, please?

Still no Carl?

Nah.

Yes, mate?

Two Stellas.

Oh, what convenient timing!

Stella, by name... It's me youngest.

Fucking...no offence, mate. Just apple of me eye, that's all.

Jimmy must have something to do with it.

Yeah, everyone knows he did it.

No not Bonehead. Carl and Chesney legging it.

I heard that slag sister were all over Chesney at party

Yeah, was that before or after Bonehead shagged her?

I'm fucked, I need to get me head down. Where you going? Here y'are.

Fuck this.

This'll wake you up!

DOGS BARK

Whoa!

GUN SHOT

Ches!

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

That'll do.

Look, please, stop pointing the gun at me.

Please. I'm sorry.

Help him.

CAR TYRES CRUNCH

In there. Hurry up.

Come on.

What are you going to do with us?

I said hurry up.

Quick. Move it!

Ah, that's hanging.

It's all right.

Carl!

His phone's off!

Well, he wouldn't answer to you anyway. What you did to him.

We need to report it.

They're grown men.

When's Carl gone missing for two hours before?

When he got herpes round his mouth.

He didn't.

Plating that mong who did handstands in the Jockey.

He's got a point. If they don't want to be contacted...

I dread the day I have to rely on you.

Well, maybe you're just missing him?

What's she digging now?

Don't think about it.

What is she digging?!

Help!

You twisted fucker! Let us out!

Anyone, please help!

Shut up. Shut up.

Please! Just talk to us.

What do you want to talk to her for?!

Ask her not to do anything stupid.

More stupid than undress, kidnap and let us starve to death?

I'm too young to die.

We're not going to die.

SINGING STOPS

Smell cooking?

It might be other runaways she's caught.

Help!

Help! Help!

Help! Help! Somebody help us! You sick bitch!

Let us out!

DOOR CREAKS

So sorry, lads.

Smoking too much of my own shit always makes me paranoid.

Breakfast's ready.

Put your hands together for Mavis,

who's had her best collection yet at Timperley Infirmary.

Er, £62.28

Oh, and, er, the calendar's drawing ever closer, girls.

Ooh!

We need at least three more,

even though Edith has volunteered to be on every month!

Ooh!

Out! Out!

Out! Out! Out!

CHEERING

I think that's time for a break, ladies.

What do you think of the gang?

All right, I suppose.

It's all right. You'll settle. That's just "first day of term" stuff.

It took me over a month before I finally settled.

Florence.

Florence.

Ethel wants to go naked in her wheelchair.

Give Stephen Hawkings a hard on.

SHOCKED LAUGHTER

And now look at me!

I'd probably get me kit off for a good cause.

Especially if it'd help with the gang.

Don't give them any more ammunition.

You'll find them an even harder bunch to crack.

Er, shall we do coffee? Soon?

I'll call you.

You two-faced skinny bitch.

Bet you never had to bring kids up.

Save it Lumley.

Nobody tells me what to do.

Don't fucking ignore me.

In Hertford, Hereford and Hampshire,

hurricanes hardly "hever" happen.

'You have 6% accuracy and 2% progress.'

Stuck-up slag.

KNOCK AT DOOR

Mimi?

You OK?