Siva (சிவா)

Previously on "Time Traveling Bong"...

I can't get off without HD porn, Sharee.

- Watch out! - Hey!

Oh, my God.

Witchcraft has come to Salem.

We will stamp it out.

No!

I found a glassblower.

I think he's gonna do an amazing job.

Your vase-pipe, Sir Jeff.

This looks like shit!

Here goes the witch!

The glassblower messed up the bong when he blew it.

Now we have no ability to control where we go,

forcing us to bounce around

the space-time continuum indefinitely?

We're going to raise Michael Jackson as our son.

- I can't do this. - Me either.

Holy shit.

The best time in human history, ancient Greece.

Greek salad!

Wow, great view.

Yeah, it's okay.

Huh.

I can read this.

- What? - Yeah.

- I know the Greek alphabet. - Wait, how?

From my one semester at SDT at Rutgers before I dropped out.

I'm a sorority girl, remember?

Right. Yeah.

There's an event or something?

Hold on. Excuse me.

Wow.

Okay.

There's a really hot party tonight.

Free wine, beans, chestnuts, and toasted wheat!

- Yes! - Nice!

Dude, I could so use a party after that child rearing.

My God.

We earned this time period, right?

Yeah, we did. Yes.

I'm gonna do a smoky eye and a nude lip.

What are you gonna do?

I guess I'll put on a toga.

- Greek salad. - Greek salad.

- This party is great, huh? - Yeah.

- Thank you. - Except for all the kids.

No, it's good, you know?

Greeks are way more enlightened.

Kids should mingle with adults.

We should treat them like real people.

She literally doesn't know anyone else here.

Oh, it's that kind of party.

Oh.

Mm.

Well, when in Rome, right?

Wait, we're in Rome?

No, we're in Greece.

Oh, yeah, I thought Greece.

I just... I got confused when you said Rome.

No, yeah, Greece.

Okay.

Okay. Bye.

- Hey! - Oh, hi!

- How are you? - Oh!

I'm great. This is crazy, right?

I know.

- Do you think it's safe? - I don't know.

I mean, I'm wearing a sheep's bladder as a condom,

but I mean, I hope it works.

I think people are really drawn to my teeth,

because I don't... I'm, like, doing really well.

Yeah, everybody's doing really well.

It's an orgy.

Well, yeah.

Good point.

You know what?

I don't think we've partied together since high school.

Whoa. Is that true?

How can that be true?

I don't know.

We just started hanging out with different groups, you know?

Yeah.

And then when Grandma died...

We became roommates, and when you're roommates,

you never make plans to hang out.

You just complain and...

Talking about how you leave piss on the seat.

Or how you never take out the trash

or do the dishes.

Or how you ejaculate on my electronics...

Repeatedly.

Sorry. I know. Sorry.

Well, you know what?

It has been really great

seeing you blossom on this trip.

And how about you, dude?

Back at home, I feel like you were...

stuck.

But here you put yourself out there, and it pays off.

I mean, a girl is sucking your dick right now.

I know!

It's crazy.

This has been so fun.

I wouldn't have wanted to time travel with anybody else.

Aw. That's cool. Me either.

Best cousins.

Best cousins. Greek salad.

Greek salad.

Ooh!

Huh.

Oh!

- What is that? - Oh!

Is that a b...

- Did we... - Did we f...

Oh, my God.

Did we f...

I don't know.

I don't think so. I don't think so.

Oh, God, but it's hard to remember.

It's such a blur.

Bodies and passion and...

We're cousins, Jeff.

I know, Sharee.

I knew I shouldn't have come with you.

What?

I knew this was a bad idea!

Before you time traveled,

you'd never had an orgasm

and you were dating a married guy.

I like my life. I like my job at Hertz.

I like my shitty married boyfriend.

You were the one trying to escape your sad life.

Now we're both weird loser fuck-cousins.

Alleged!

Ew! Ew!

You didn't seem to mind when your finger was in my butthole.

That was you?

You said my butthole was tighter than a dime

and I need to loosen up.

Stop! Oh, God!

Listen.

If we ever get back to 2016,

I think you should move out.

Fine. You know what?

If we ever get back to 2016, I will.

In fact, I think we need some space right now.

Great idea.

But let's maybe get it somewhere else.

Yeah, there's some serious abuse happening here.

Oh, it's rough.

Oh, I forgot to get a Greek salad!

It does not get any easier.

- Ah. - God.

Is that a flying car?

It's the future.

Oh, my God.

This must be a dump.

God.

Let's get out of here.

Yikes.

Ugh.

Nope.

Another dead end.

Maybe we should get high.

Ooh, there's got to be something to smoke out of here.

No, I mean get higher up

and see if we can see where the exit is.

Fine.

All right, come on.

Oh, my God.

Did you just fart?

No!

I think you're probably smelling

the huge pile of trash you're on.

Duh. Sorry.

It's okay.

Ooh, God.

God, it is redonkulously hot.

Oh, my God, you're really red.

Holy shit, so are you.

- Ah. Ow! - We're burning alive!

Ooh! Ow!

Get in the shade. Get in the shade.

There's no shade. It's just trash.

- Shit. - Oh!

- Oh! - Oh, God!

I can smell your skin.

Ooh, it's sizzling.

Oh, my God.

- Oh. - Good idea.