Ash vs Evil Dead

30 years ago, I found the book of the dead.

Now because I read from the book...

Misartar.

Evil has found me.

All roads to destroying this evil

lead to wear it all began.

The cabin.

- Let's go back there and end it all. - You know I'm down.

The sooner this book is six feet under, the better.

Yeah!

Here's the plan.

- Whoa! - Shoot first, think never.

Whoa!

That didn't work.

Present the book to me and we'll finally end this.

Ta demuche.

Pablo!

You have no idea what you're doing.

Of course I know what I'm doing.

I wrote this book.

Your stupid mortal toys mean nothing to me.

Take the deal then go back to Jacksonville.

I am offering you the undo button you wanted.

Normal life in Jacksonville, the three of us.

- I can do that. - Truce.

Yeah!

Whooo!

Jacksonville here we come.

Mamma!

Atar. Artha.

Artica abomino!

I have fought with Atilla the Hun

and Genghis Khan,

And this dipshit is my only hope?

Oh, fuck. What a mess.

Summu Nura.

Ashrica.

Akrem.

Ash...

Jacksonville, I love you!

We love you, Ash!

I know you do!

Hey, I love me too!

Ash! Ash! Ash!

Ash! Ash! Ash!

Ash! Ash! Ash!

Ash! Ash! Ash!

Ash! Ash! Ash!

Ash! Ash! Ash!

Oh, Jefe.

You know. You don't have to call him that any more Pablo.

'Cause now he's just "water trash,"

like everyone else in this town.

Especially non tippers like you, buddy.

Yeah, thanks.

Hey, come on, Kell,

Ash did what he had to do.

He saved us.

And left Ruby in charge.

You know what, I don't trust that bitch

as far as I can throw her.

Kelly, there's someone wanting to pay.

Pull!

Looking good, Eli.

Hey, Sailor.

I had fun last night.

I think I remember that.

This is my daughter, Hannah.

Oh, how nice for you to meet me.

Can I, um, touch it?

My God.

How does it work?

Uh, well, I think it's pretty obvious.

Ladies, I'm gonna be honest with ya,

I'm not drunk enough to know if this is good-weird or bad-weird.

But I'll get there though.

Fu..

Whoa!

Oh, shit!

My God...

I left the windows down in the Delta.

Whoa!

Hey, hey! Time out!

You're not supposed to be here.

Didn't you get the memo?

- There's a truce! - Talk to Ruby.

She sent us!

Balls to the wall!

Your truce is over, Ashy Slashy!

What'd you call me?

Ashy Slashy, hatchet and saw

Takes your head and skins you raw

Ashy Slashy, heaven and hell

Cuts out your tongue so you can't yell...

What the fuck is that?!

Shoot it in the head!

Nooo!

Jefe!

Your blade!

Ugh.

Huh?

Oh!

Give me your eyes!

Don't you want to fuck me now?!

Huh.

Get her off me!

I think we're good, Kell!

Fucking skank!

You will die like all the others!

One by one, we will take you!

All of you!

Ladies first.

Well, I guess it's safe to say, the truce is over.

Told you Ruby couldn't be trusted.

We've got to put our little thinking caps on

and do something...

Yes! You know I'm in.

I have been waiting to kick her ass.

Yeah, amen to that.

But how, Ruby could be anywhere?

I know where she is...

Ruby is in Elk Grove, Michigan.

That's my hometown.

Okay, that's a very specific guess.

The Deadite gave it away with that song.

That damn song...

Alright.

We're gonna go to Elk Grove.

We're gonna find Ruby

and I'm going to bury that Kandarian Dagger

deep into her strangely beautiful neck

and kill her where she stands.

We'll be back in Jacksonville by Friday.

Pablo, first round of 'Ritas is on you, because...

Oh, because it's the drink of my people.

That's a little racist, don't you think?

Well, yeah.

Sinkholes are still being reported.

And look at this, Kenward County.

Violent crime and murder up 200%

from this time last year.

Yeah, Ruby's evil is seeping everywhere.

Alright. We need a sketch of her to show the people in town.

- Pablo? - I'm on it.

So, uh, why so long since you've been home?

Oh, who drank all the beer?

I got it.

Um, you.

Your bladder must be ready to explode.

Oh, please,

I've been whizzing the whole time.

Ugh!

Ugh!

_

Do it! I dare you.

- You do it. - Chicken.

- Don't say that. - Run!

Ashy Slashy's coming to get you!

You think Ruby's here?!

In a crack house?

No, this is my house.

Or at least it used to be.

Oh, it's, it's...

nice.

Your parents still live here?

My parents died a long time ago.

Just um, give me a sec.

I've never seen the Jefe like this before.

Whatever happened in this town

seems to really haunt him.

Look at this creepy fucker.

Where?

He was right...

dude, he was right there.

Oh, shit!

Asshole.

Oh!

You come here to rob me, punk?

Think I won't fight back?

I'm not robbing you.

Ashley?

Hello Dad.

Been a long time.

You look...

Old.

- Bloated. Like a sack of... - Yeah, I get the idea.

How you been, pop?

- What do you want? - Nothing.

Can't a guy come and see his own father?

What the hell is that?

Oh, it's um, a utility hand.

A friend made it for me.

Check it out. I'm better, stronger...

- Faster? - Yeah!

Bullshit. Looks like some piece of crap made in China.

What was that gun shot?!

Alright, put down the guns!

- What is going on? - You got a green card kid?

Kelly, Pablo, meet my father.

Whoa. Filthy and fine.