Suburgatory

Tessa: In Chatswin, the grass really is greener...

The fruit sweeter...

The vegetables snappier.

Even the corn seems crunchier.

It's a produce paradise, a veritable garden of... Eden.

Nice to meet you, Frank.

Nice to meet you.

Gorgeous braeburns.

Thank you.

They really are.

And since we're introducing ourselves, I'm George Altman.

Frank de Luca.

De Luca orchards, route 9.

Hello.

And this is eden.

Eden?

Apple, George?

I'm tempted, but, uh, won't it get me kicked out?

Don't be stupid.

It's a free sample.

Would you be interested in maybe grabbing a cup of coffee?

I don't drink coffee.

You know, between the chemicals, pesticides, and exploitation of

workers, it's basically the devil.

But I'll do you one better.

Better?

Than a cup of the devil?

My treat.

What would you like?

Oh.

Uh, um, all right.

Well... It all looks... Terrible.

Sorry.

I'm clueless when it comes to this health crap.

You... you pick.

Two kitchen sinks with bee pollen, acidophilus, and extra brewer's yeast.

Ah!

Yes, extra, please.

Nothing quenches like a good cup of yeast.

Am I right?

All right.

Thanks.

Thank you.

Mm-hmm.

And thank you.

But just... just so you know, if I wasn't trying to impress you,

there is no way this would touch my lips.

You're gonna love it.

Oh.

All right, here we go.

Oh.

Oh.

Okay, not bad.

Right?

It tastes like... My throat's closing.

My throat's closing.

I think you might be allergic to something in this drink.

You think?

Nettle juice.

Someone run and get some nettle juice!

Call an ambulance.

I can't breathe.

I feel awful.

Me, too.

I've never seen someone react like that to all-natural ingredients.

Uh, well, I'm a new yorker.

I'm sorry, George.

I should never have pushed you into that smoothie.

No, it's... it's good.

I convulsed on your shoulder, I wheezed in your lap.

I really feel like we know each other now.

Mr. foreman?

No.

George foreman?

"George foreman"?

Well I couldn't remember, and it was the first George that popped in my head.

Look, "George cute smile"

wasn't gonna get your treated.

Okay, Mr. cute smile, you're free to go.

We've prescribed some antihistamines and an epipen in the event...

Another woman tries to make me drink poison?

I'm afraid I can't prescribe anything for the googly eyes,

although I'd like to because they're making me sick.

I've been up for 40 hours.

So this was fun.

On our second date, I'll slam your hand in a door.

Second date?

That means I get another bite of the apple, eden?

Call me when your face clears up.

Bye.

Bye.

Sorry.

I have to kiss you now.

Just removed an 85-year-old man's catheter.

I still can't believe people buy broken shards of glass.

They don't.

They buy "crystal tears."

"From Heaven."

Hey.

Hey, Lisa.

Can I get a half-pound of the "crystal tears."

From Heaven"?

And also, I need something for Malik.

It's our month-anniversary, so it needs to be special.

Mommy, I need money.

I'm with a customer.

I'll be right with you.

Lisa, does Malik have a holographic image of you set in crystal?

I-I'm embarrassed to say no.

You just walked straight through my pile.

Your "pile" isn't my problem.

No, I agree.

You have much more serious problems that predate this pile.

You can't talk to me like that.

I'm your boss.

I work for you mother, not you.

I came out of my mother.

That's not how it works.

Tessa, you're fired.

Wanna bet?

Mommy, I just fired Tessa without severance.

What?!

Dalia, what has gotten into you?

Tessa's not fired.

But look.

She did a terrible job sweeping.

How would you know, Dalia?

You've never swept a day in your life.

You know what, mommy?

You can forget the money.

I don't even want it any more.

Okay, what about a reptile?

Too cold?

Mnh.

How about a parrot?

They're clever.

They can talk.

Not everything that talks is clever.

I just think that having a pet would make us feel more like a family.

Roommates shouldn't have pets.

What if one roommate moves out?

Then the pet has to choose sides.

"Roommates"?

That's another thing.

Why do you insist on calling us roommates?

And how come you always put an empty seat between us at the movie theater?

For popcorn.

I-I've told you, that's the popcorn seat.

I feel like you are ashamed of us.

And saying no to a pet is just your way of saying no to a real commitment.

Look, Nora and I had a cat.

After the divorce... You always bring up Nora whenever I try to talk about

our relationship.

I'm not Nora!

Well, how about we get an area rug?

If things don't work out, we can always cut that in half.

I'm telling you, man, that kiss took my breath away.

Noah, I have not felt a connection like this since... Well, maybe ever.

Look, I don't wanna one-up ya...

But I'm gonna.

Jill and I are expecting.

A baby?!

A baby, man!

A goo-goo ga-ga baby.

Of course, we needed some help.

Jill is of a certain age.

But she's all right?

She's feeling good?

She's amazing.

Okay!

Well... All right!

Wow!

That's great, man!

Look at us, huh?

It feels like we're... I don't know... Starting over.

Let's have dinner tomorrow night to celebrate, all right?

We can meet your new lady, and we can toast my seed.

Huh?

Up top!

Come on!

Smells like burnt rubber.

Yep, that's what I'm making you for dinner... burnt rubber...