Baywatch

HI.

OKAY, GUYS, WHERE DO YOU WANNA EAT TONIGHT?

PIERRO'S.

-OH, NO, WE HAD ITALIAN LAST NIGHT.

-I LIKE TO EAT AT PIERRO'S EVERY NIGHT.

-NO, I'M KIND OF IN THE MOOD FOR BURGERS AND FRIES.

IT'S BEEN THAT KIND OF A DAY.

I KNOW.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

WE'RE GETTING RUN RAGGED AND MITCH IS BASKING

ON SOME BEACH IN THE BAHAMAS.

-HE'S NOT BASKING, HE'S ON A CASE.

YEAH, FOLLOWING AN HEIRESS.

IF SHE'S BASKING, HE'S BASKING.

-YOU KNOW, I TOLD MITCH AND GARNER THEY SHOULD'VE HIRED US.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW WE'D MAKE GREAT PIS.

WE'RE INTELLIGENT, WE'RE ATHLETIC, WE'RE SEDUCTIVE.

-CAROLINE'S FAVORITE SHOW IS "CHARLIE'S ANGELS."

-OH, YES, YES, I ALWAYS PICTURED MYSELF

AS KELLY, THE BEAUTIFUL, SOPHISTICATED ONE.

I ALWAYS PRETENDED I WAS FARRAH

AND MAKE MY HAIR REALLY BIG AND I'D JUMP

OUT AT MY BROTHER AND I'D GO, HOLD IT, LOWLIFE, FREEZE.

FREEZE.

OH, BOY.

-OKAY, STEPH, YOU CAN PLAY, TOO, YOU CAN BE SABRINA,

SHE'S THE SMART ONE.

-WHY DO I ALWAYS HAVE TO BE THE SMART ONE?

-OH, LOGAN, COME HERE, COME ON, WHO ARE WE?

I'VE NO IDEA.

COME ON.

NO, COME ON, STEPHANIE, DO IT, DO IT.

NO.

KEEP DOING IT, PLEASE.

SHE'S THE SMART ONE.

THE THREE STOOGES.

NO.

WITCHES OF EASTWICK?

NO!

-FORGET THIS, YOU GUYS, LOOK, I'M STARVED.

LET'S GO GET DRESSED.

WE'RE CHARLIE'S ANGELS, DUMMY.

WHO?

-"CHARLIE'S ANGELS" WAS CLASSIC TELEVISION.

-YES, ABOUT THREE BEAUTIFUL PRIVATE EYES

WHO WORKED FOR SOME GUY NAMED CHARLIE

WHO THEY NEVER SAW.

HE'S ALWAYS ON THE PHONE.

-BUT YOU KNEW IT WAS JOHN FORSYTHE,

SO YOU PICTURED HIM IN YOUR MIND ANY WAY.

-DON'T KNOW, I DIDN'T SEE IT IN TASMANIA. SEE YA.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

MEETING SOMEONE IN MY TOWER.

EXCUSE ME, SOMEONE?

-NO, IT'S A GUY THAT I KNOW, WE GOT MUTUAL FRIENDS.

HE CALLED ME AND ASKED ME TO MEET HIM.

UH-HUH, HAVE FUN.

BYE.

-WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE EPISODE?

WHEN THEY WERE IN THE CIRCUS.

OH, I LOVED THAT ONE!

-I KNOW AND THERE'S THE TRAPEZE.

-I LIKED THE ONE WHERE THEY WERE STRIPPERS.

IT'S PAYBACK TIME, LOGAN.

I'VE BEEN WAITING A LONG TIME FOR THIS.

FIRST, I'M GONNA GET YOU, AND THEN THAT STEPHANIE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, CLINT?

HE'S GOTTA ASK HIMSELF ONE QUESTION.

DOES HE FEEL LUCKY?

WELL, DO YOU, PUNK?

GO AHEAD, MAKE MY DAY.

TOWER 16.

TOWER 16? TOWER 16?

IS THAT HOW WE'RE GOING TO PLAY THIS, LOGAN?

BY THE NUMBERS, HUH?

WHO IS THIS?

-I GOT NO RESPECT, NO RESPECT FROM ANYBODY.

-WHAT IS THIS? WHAT DO YOU WANT?

-VENGEANCE. WHAT?

HOW'D YOU GET THROUGH ON THIS PHONE?

-I USED TO BE AN ELECTRONICS PROFESSOR

UNTIL AN UNFORTUNATE EXPERIMENT WITH A LIFEGUARD

CATAPULTED ME INTO FUTURE SHOCK.

NOW IT'S TIME TO RETURN THE FAVOR, LOGAN.

WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

-I'M YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE, ABSOLUTELY.

I'LL BE BACK, LOGAN. YOU CAN COUNT ON IT.

I'LL GET IT.

SO, WHO'S WINNING?

-WHO DO YOU THINK? MISS GAMBLERS ANONYMOUS OVER HERE.

-GIN! WHAT?

WAIT, CAN I JUST SEE THIS FOR A SECOND.

LOGAN, WHAT HAPPENED?

-THE ARSON SQUAD JUST LEFT THE BEACH.

MY TOWER WAS RIGGED TO INCINERATE WITH ME INSIDE IT.

DID YOU TELL THEM ABOUT THAT CRAZY PHONE CALL?

-YEAH, THEY FOUND OUT WHERE HE PATCHED IN.

THEY SAID WHOEVER DID IT WAS AN ELECTRONICS EXPERT.

-WELL, THAT'S WHAT HE SAID HE WAS, RIGHT?

-RIGHT, BEFORE LIFEGUARDS CATAPULTED HIM INTO FUTURE SHOCK.

WHATEVER THAT MEANS.

THE QUESTION IS, WAS HE AFTER LOGAN IN PARTICULAR

OR LIFEGUARDS IN GENERAL?

-I'M SURE HE'S AFTER LOGAN SPECIFICALLY.

-LOGAN, IS THERE ANYONE YOU KNOW THAT MIGHT HAVE REASON

TO, YOU KNOW, GET BACK AT YOU?

THE SHORT LIST, HON.

--YOU DO HAVE A TENDENCY TO MAKE ENEMIES.

-YEAH, BUT NONE THAT WOULD WANT TO ROAST ME ALIVE.

OBVIOUSLY THAT'S NOT TRUE.

I MEAN, FROM THE SOUNDS OF THINGS, ALL THOSE VOICES,

MAYBE THERE'S A WHOLE GROUP THAT'S AFTER YOU.

-I THINK YOU SHOULD WORK THE SWITCHBOARD TOMORROW.

AT LEAST UNTIL THE ARSON SQUAD AND THE POLICE

COME UP WITH SOMETHING.

WISH MITCH WAS IN TOWN.

I'D HIRE HIS AGENCY AS BODYGUARDS.

WAIT A SECOND, HIRE US.

COME ON, GUYS, WE'RE CHARLIE'S ANGELS.

FREEZE, MISTER.

COVER HIM, JILL.

SPREAD 'EM!

IGNORE THEM, THAT'S WHAT I DO.

I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

-I'M SURE THE POLICE WILL FIND THE MANIAC WHO DID THIS.

I HOPE SO.

-TAKE CARE. SEE YA.

-YOU KNOW, I HEAR THEY'RE MAKING A MOVIE VERSION

OF "CHARLIE'S ANGELS."

-OH, REALLY? WHO'S GONNA PLAY THEM?

-I DON'T KNOW, BUT WE'D BE PERFECT.

FREEZE!

COME ON, YOU GUYS, CUT IT OUT.

RELAX, SABRINA.

BAYWATCH?

-I'M GONNA MAKE YOU AN OFFER YOU CAN'T REFUSE.

WHAT?

-HEY, ROCKY, HOW DO YOU MAKE

A LIFEGUARD DISAPPEAR?

-LOOK, I DON'T KNOW WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU'RE DOING,

BUT YOU'RE INTERFERING WITH LIFEGUARD OPERATIONS.

-MAYDAY, MAYDAY! WE'RE SINKING, HELP!

YEAH, WHERE? IN YOUR BATHTUB?

-THE BOAT CAPSIZED. TWO!

TWO IN THE WATER.

CAN'T HOLD ON, HELP! PLEASE!

-WHAT IS THE LOCATION OF YOUR BOAT?

CAN YOU GIVE ME A LANDMARK?

-OUTSIDE MARINA CHANNEL.

TWO, THREE MILES, PLEASE HURRY!

SCARAB RESCUE ONE FROM CANINE 295, COME IN.

295, THIS IS SCARAB ONE.

-RECEIVED A MAYDAY FROM A CAPSIZED BOAT TWO TO THREE

MILES OUTSIDE OF THE MARINA.

TWO VICTIMS POSSIBLY IN THE WATER.

WE'RE ON OUR WAY.