Rick and Morty

Street-talk translation

Principal Vagina: Mr. and Mrs. Smith,

thanks for dipping out of work to link up.

So, what’s the tea, Principal Vagina?

Yeah, what’s going on?

You aren't about that life. You don't have that energy.

Go sit at your desk like the basic principal you are.

Morty! Summer! Chill.

Their latest stunt had students

stuffing their faces with this...

This growth gives users legit perfect memories.

And there’s no easy way to say this...

the whole student body is just

obsessed with reliving their intimate wins.

Yeah, more! More canola oil!

Add to that Morty swapping himself with ninja clones,

Summer making toilets shout out your weight when you sit,

and this is their third sci-fi strike this semester.

Morty and Summer are officially kicked out.

Expelled? Can’t you just suspend them with pay?

What’s gotten into you two?

You’ve been acting super weird lately...

Mom turns beat red when she’s pressed.

Do we have any canola oil?

Ugh!

Add muting grown-ups to the list.

So I wasn't having a total breakdown.

Phew! Stop hitting me up like this.

People are gonna think I’m some kind of genie.

Dad, the kids just got expelled

for being high-key annoying.

Turning people into carrots

isn't gonna help with the genie rumors.

I’m not even gonna entertain that, Jerry,

but I’m definitely turning you into a carrot eventually.

Too much. Too much!

My bones were my skin and my guts were frozen

in the orange goop my blood turned into.

Oh, geez. The kids aren't expelled. They’re fine!

A’s! All A’s! Every class!

Dad, this is why they’re so spoiled.

You bail them out before they learn anything.

Yeah, like you turned out so great without him.

Don't give Rick that much credit,

he’s not bailing us out,

he’s just being a lazy piece of trash.

The hell you just say?

Ugh! Little jerk ninja-logged me.

See? Okay, you win.

I heard about this sleepaway camp off-world

that rich folks dump their bratty kids at.

You’re shipping them off?

Shouldn't you be handling this yourself?

This is me handling it.

You want me to find a belt? Whip 'em?

Give 'em the business?

I know you’re being sarcastic,

but I don't like how hyped you sound.

Good. Oh, whatever.

Keep turning your problems into veggies.

Beth!

Pack your stuff.

This is total BS.

How else are we supposed to treat our basic-ass classmates?

We’re literally in space right now.

Yeah, why do we get punished

for being better than everyone?

Because you aren't. I am.

You two are just parasites... way too spoiled

to realize you’re mooching off a shark.

Ugh! Whatever, bro.

Me and Summer have grown so much

we’re finally on the same page.

But I guess we haven't grown

as much as your massive bald spot.

Yeah, you dummy!

It’s pickleball-sized now. Oh, wow. Wow!

Look at Beyoncé, rolling up the partition.

Ho ho! Did I make the cover?

I can't believe you even wanted to,

you total loser.

Goddamn it!

His thirsty self picked up on the first ring.

What are you doing?

Reminding you who the shark is.

Oh! Thank God.

It’s... over...

If you thought that dial was bad,

check out this button.

On your feet, maggots!

Move! Move! Move! Move! Let's go!

Listen, whatever this is, I can't be digging holes all summer.

I have soft hands, piano player’s hands!

Well, put those hands to work...

doing whatever the hell you want!

So, just to be clear?

The kids took over the camp.

Oh! Uh... g-good?

You feel that? The AC?

Beth, you know, if it’s over 65 degrees, I break out in hives.

No. This is the first time we’ve had the house

to ourselves since...

I know she keeps her stash in here.

She’s 17 and hangs out with my dad.

Ooh, I think I found some.

Oh, thank God. I mean... oh, no.

Not sure which hole this goes in. Ooh.

This looks familiar enough.

Still got it.

Huh. You feeling anything?

I mean...

I’m feeling...

G-great.

We should steal a car!

Beth? Future carrot?

I dropped off the little weirdos.

You two wanna grab a drink? Shh.

We... we aren...

We aren't home.

What? U-oh, Beth, gross.

Just don't text back next time.

Ahh.

How’d Summer get drugs from Japan?

What even is this stuff?

Oh, man, we totally played you guys.

It’s not a real camp anymore.

We campers overthrew the counselors ages ago.

Ages ago. Yeah, ya goofy hoes!

We run this place now.

Anything you want? We got it.

Anything you wanna do? Go for it.

Can I fire a bazooka on a skateboard?

C’mon, you know the answer.

Oh, my God, I’m gonna do it.

So what happened to the counselors?

Murdered 'em.

Damn. Oh, God.

That’s where we dump our lame crew.

Pretty sick, right?

Sickly... awesome.

Let’s give 'em a tour.

Oh. Ow, ow, ow, ow.

Is he okay? Oh, God. Who cares?

That’s the amphitheater.

Great place to get laid.

That’s the archery range.

Perfect place to get laid.

That’s the cafeteria.

Super awesome place... We get it.

But where does everything else, like, come from?

A bunch of us have trust funds,

so we just DoorDash whatever we want.

Greek food on the way.

And... no tip.

What? I didn't see him make it.

Move, Edward Merlot Hands coming through.

Look, you're the first kid to show up here in forever.

So, uh...

Do you two solemnly swear

to dedicate your life to the party?

Woop woop! Yeah!

I'm gonna party 'til my face literally melts off!

Well, I guess being high forever isn't all bad.

I'll lose my job and... and... uh,

try to figure out those Jackson Pollock paintings.

It was basically a vibe check on suicide.

Aw, it totally was.

You ruined it!

Are we really gonna be high forever?

C-Can we Google this?

We can Google anything.

Oh, Jer Bear, look!

They have some version of Narcan

at a pharmacy in the next solar system over.

How are we supposed to get there?

My dad has a way to hail space cabs in the garage.

Come on. How's this not needing him?

Cause we're doing it behind his back.

How do these work again?

Like this, watch.

Oh, wow.

Oh, that's way easier!

You can't bail on this deal.

I've got a pallet full of human-sized carrots.

"Not your problem?"

Oh, it’s about to be.

If we walk in irregular rhythms...

...he can't hear us under there.

He's your dad, not the god of Arrakis.

All right, Zarz Dinnarz will be here

in what I'm guessing is three minutes...

Oh, that was seconds.

Hey! For, um, Rick?

You may enter me.

Uh, okay.

Ah! Please sit still.

I've taken a form your butts desire.

Oh, my God, this is the exact limo

we took to prom.

Those can't be real pretzels, right?