A Stroke of Luck (Villaviciosa de al lado)

I'm getting nervous.

It's the Christmas campaign and the spa is full. Fix it.

I try, mayor, but machine very old.

Chapucescu, don't mess with me.

- I can unregister you in a flash. - Anselmo,

you should have spent the town budget on renovating this

and not on that roundabout with your statue!

Listen to the populist. Roundabouts are quality of life!

That's why you're governing in minority,

because Villaviciosa is sick of the caste and its arrogance.

- You have no idea. - Let there be peace.

Let this young Slav and his muscles work.

So you can admire his ass.

I'm sick of your remarks.

I've said, actively and passively, I'm not gay.

I think you're the passive kind!

Hey! Stop that!

This is the Christmas campaign.

We have to look after the clients.

Give it full pressure.

- Don't worry. - Safety valve broken.

- Must order part from Germany. - If it isn't free...

I do the spa's accounts and...

That bad?

Being in the red would be good news.

All the more reason to make do! Hit it with the wrench!

What are you doing?

Are you crazy?

What if it explodes? What if we have to close?

- What if there's an accident? - What if you shut up!

- Hey, it seems to be working. - You see?

Smart ass. You make a fuss over nothing.

"It is paradoxical that waters famed for their curative properties

have sent a poor old man to Intensive Care

in a vegetative state."

Now what do we do?

- We're in all the papers. - And on Twitter, Facebook...

And the BBC!

What?

To laugh at us.

If we get a bad name, we're screwed.

We'll be like a plague town.

César, you always paint things so black.

You'll see how, in no time, we'll remember this with a smile.

And people will tell jokes. "The curtain opens.

An old man is slammed against the ceiling of a spa.

What do you call the town? Villaviciosa!"

Ricardo, please, remember...

Order!

What's the joke?

As your mayor, I guarantee

no one will close the spa while that old man is alive.

The old man snuffed it.

The hospital just rang.

And now we're up to our necks in shit.

Brilliant, Anselmo, brilliant.

Thanks to you, this is the end of a spa with 200 years of history.

Hey, why don't you order a commemorative plaque?

God, what will become of us? Half the town works there.

And the rest depend on the guests. If the spa dies,

the town is next.

Come on, have some faith.

- God never presses us too hard. - Oh, no?

Ask the old guy who was flattened against the ceiling!

- Right, tubby? - Look, Nino,

calling me fat isn't funny, I've got a thyroid problem.

So cut it out.

Couldn't Benito from the Provincial Council help?

I mean, his daughter is marrying your son.

Not the wedding again.

I know you all want a free meal, but Merche and I

haven't decided yet.

- We don't have many options. - It's the big one!

The big one is the beating I'm going to give you!

- No, it's the big lottery prize! - Turn off that thing.

Who cares if others get rich.

Hospitalet, Parla and Villaviciosa de al Lado!

What?

Did she say Villaviciosa?

- It can't be. - Higher, higher.

- What are you doing? - The volume, idiot!

Oh, sorry.

Sold in Hospitalet, Parla and Villaviciosa de al Lado.

He said Villaviciosa!

He said it! 4 million euros!

- Here... - We won!

We won!

Thank you!

Have you got the winner?

Calm down, let's see where it was sold and who has that number.

I've got a share!

What is it? Where was it sold?

The first prize has gone to the ticket 2-2-4-6-2.

We're screwed.

We've won the lottery!

It's the number my father always played.

My date of birth.

He never won, but he didn't mind.

He said he got the big prize the day I was born.

Oh, Mari!

- What will you do with the money? - Well...

We just got a bit, one ticket between all of us.

But for me, it's enough to pay for my new tits!

I want to bring my mom from Cuba and get her a Spanish boyfriend!

It's enough to plug a few holes,

but the winners have plugged quite a few for you lot!

They come here so often they're like part of the furniture.

They're so affectionate.

If they're like that at home, their wives must be delighted.

- So this is a busy spot? - Oh, yes, very.

We get them all here.

Young, old, bachelors,

married, from the right, from the left...

You know,

where there's a buck, there's a fuck.

Sorry, maybe I can't say that in family viewing time.

- So a lot of people bought shares? - An awful lot.

Very few houses in the town won't have a cut.

Very few!

But it's very quiet. Have no winners come here?

It's very bright.

The guys are like vampires.

But we do the sucking!

Be quiet, no telling secrets.

In this business, you keep your legs open

and your mouth shut.

But if these walls could talk...

Yes, we get all kinds of people here.

We have the secret of confession,

like priests!

Two, three...

four, five...

Let's go!

You're all a bit slow today.

Zumba's a silly name but we take it seriously.

Come on, it's all right, I'm fine.

I'm sorry, let's keep going.

"It's all right"?

Just because we act stupid doesn't mean we are.

Is no one wondering if her husband has a cathouse ticket?

My husband doesn't go looking for what he gets at home.

Neither does my Ricardo.

He has principles. He'd never pay for sex.

The Pope is going to beatify mine. They all seem to be wonderful.

In Madrid, things are different, no double morality.

What?

I respect double morality.

It's authentic and quaint.

The neo-ruralist is lecturing us.

Maybe you're wearing an authentic, quaint set of horns too.

For men, it's simple.

Hole with hair, you have to fuck it.

Don't be such a brute.

Don't listen to that. It'll put you off marriage.

Get used to it, the wedding is very short,

but the marriage can be long, and I mean really long.

I keep a close eye on Anselmo.

If he had a winning ticket, he's hiding it very well.

I don't know how to hide it.

- I'm going to have a stroke. - Dad, do you go whoring?

Me?

No.

Try to understand, son.

30 years of missionary with your mother, and I'm no saint.

Dad, forget it.

Forget it.

I'm going to put up the film club posters.

- Some things I don't want to hear. - I do.

I want to hear them. Do they have it shaved?

I hope they have it shaved!

Nino, please!

Or is it fluffy? What's it like?

Come on, you won't be able to sleep.

You could have told me my son was here.

Am I the only one here who likes to be sucked

until his balls are dry?

And as any golfer can tell you, it's much easier...

Don't bother, Anselmo.

- I know what you're talking about. - Christ!

Fucking hell!

You can never say never or this priest isn't my father.

God helps those who help themselves.

All right, that's enough.

It was a gift from one of the girls when she came to confess.

I know you make them sin a lot.

- Right, Ricardo? - Eh?

Oh, yes, yes, I went to... to...

To celebrate the anniversary of 15M with my comrades.

All right, a few times I've been with one of the girls.

Or two.

Or three.

But I've always respected them as workers!

I feel sorry for you lefties.

You can't even have a fling without an excuse.

But it's rotten luck. We dream of winning the lottery,

and when it happens we can't tell anyone.

- Not even our wives. - Or not.

They like money too.

What do you think they'll do when they hear?

I'll cut off his balls!