Death Ship

Achtung Achtung! Feind in Sicht.

Alles in Stellung. Alles in Stellung.

Alle Maschinen für den Kampf bereit.

- You're off course by two degrees. - Yes Sir!

You've got to watch them all the time...

Captain...

...otherwise they'll become sloppy.

They'll become very, very sloppy.

I think we should join the party, Captain.

Damn the passengers...

...to see, to become a Captain,

...not a party host...

...you take care of her.

She'll be all yours in another three days.

I will.

Check her position every 30 minutes...

...and tell the purser I will NOT be attending the over 50s party tomorrow.

Yes Sir!

Unless you'd care to go...

...I'm told you're an excellent conversationalist.

That depends on whom I'm talking to Sir.

Bastard!

Thank God it's his last trip!

- Come on everyone, let's move! - Good evening Mrs. Marshall.

Nick, I want to dance!

I wish I was 20 years younger!

You're not Cyril, you'll have to dance with me.

Why don't you go to bed, you can't keep your eyes open?

Yes I can!

Another half hour Long John Silver and you're going to bed!

That's not fair!

She's staying up, why can't I?

I'm older.

Now that's enough, both of you.

Ooh baby!

You can come with me!

Hey, great!

Now we've all had lots of booze and what have...

...you all must be feeling very happy?

Let me hear yah, happy?

I can't hear you, a little louder, are you happy?

Oh, Ladies and Gentlemen, I see our captain has joined us.

Captain, welcome.

On behalf of everybody, Captain...

...I would like to thank you for a very smooth trip...

...especially the overland section.

Captain, how about a little bow?

Let's hear it for the Captain!

Thank you.

Gentlemen, a little music if you please.

Forty years at sea and you end up being a straight man for a smart-ass comedian.

I wonder what sort of jokes he'll make about me when I take command?

None darling. Nobody ever makes jokes about you.

Am I as stuffy as that?

I wouldn't know.

I hardly ever see you out of your uniform.

Wait until tonight.

Sir... take a look a this.

It's on a collision course!

Twenty degrees port!

Can I have that please?

Ben!

Is it past your bedtime?

Ben, that's greedy!

Robin, be an angel and take Ben below and put him to bed.

Say goodnight, Ben.

Come on!

Good night mum.

Good night son.

I'm sorry!

Thank you band, thank you.

Now, Ladies and Gentlemen...

...we are coming to the end of a very long...

...and beautiful voyage.

How about a little appreciation for a great band...

...Mal Diamond and the Boys.

Maybe you'll get used to all of this. I never did.

Cruising around in endless circles...

...blue-rinse ladies repeating "have a nice day!" over and over again...

...and then having to have dinner with them...

...so that they can go back to Akron or Toronto or wherever...

...and say that they ate with the Captain.

I thought daddy was the Captain?

No dummy, not till the next trip!

Good! Then I can get all the cake I want!

Ben, come back!

Whatcha doing now?

I gotta go!

You've just been!

Well I gotta go again.

Ben.

Women.

It's as if it's deliberately trying to ram us.

Full to port.

Fast!

Get me the Captain.

My Husband was so anxious to come on this cruise.

But, when God calls, you have to go.

- Pardon? - He died, just before we sailed.

I'm not grieving. I mean, he had a wonderful life.

And he would have wanted me to come on this cruise.

- Are you a religious man? - Excuse me.

He's a wonderful man. But he's not religious.

How many more days?

Two and a half.

Are you counting?

Now listen, you promise you'll forget me!

I promise.

I know. You say that to all the girls.

You're right.

What do you want me to say?

I don't want you to say anything.

Signal him to alter course!

We have, Sir!

Well signal him again, dammit!

Full astern!

Let's get the hell out of here!

It's going down fast!

Come on!

Come on, let's go!

We've got to hold our position.

Make it easier for Air and Sea Rescue.

They did get a distress signal off, didn't they?

Of course they did.

Daddy, daddy!

What is it?

There's something in the water!

Give me a hand!

Come on!

It's the Captain!

The poor man!

Make some room.

Give him air.

He's breathing, He's alright.

- Captain, you poor thing! - He'll be alright.

Is he alright?

What can we do for him?

Wake up Margaret!

Margaret, it's a ship!

Wake up!

Ahoy!

Ahoy!

Ahoy!

Hello up there!

Is anybody up there, Ahoy!

Ahoy!

Hello! Ahoy!

Ahoy!

Ahoy!

Hello!

Is anybody up there?

Hey! Anybody home?

Look!

They've lowered the ladder!

Well at least someone on board heard us.

What would a ship be doing anchored out here?

I don't know. Maybe some sort of engine failure?

Steady! Steady!

Right. I got it.

Mind the Captain!

Nick, go take a look.

Hello?

Hello, anyone on watch?

Hello! Hello!

Anybody here?

Hello!

There's no one here!

Okay Ben, up you go.

Careful now.

You next.

Come on Robin. Come on.

Come on. Give me your hand.

See where he's going.

Ben! Come here!

Ben!

I had to go!

You should wait till we find the washroom!

Nick, give me a hand!

Coming Sir!

That's it... that's it.

Easy!

Hang on.

Hang on!

Trevor!

Nick!

The Captain!

Nick! Come in here!

Damn your ladder!

We've got to get the rope around him.

Hold him there!

I'll pull him from above.

Okay Sir... I've got you.

- Is he okay? - Yes Sir.

There must be someone on watch.

- See if you can find 'em. - Yes Sir.

Give me a hand!

Let's sit him here.

Here, let me.

Are you alright?

I'm fine.