Tyler Perry's Hell Hath No Fury Like a Woman Scorned - The Play

To God

Be the glory

To God

Be the glory

To God

Be the glory

For the things

He has done

With his blood

He has saved me

By his power

He has raised me

To God

Be the glory

For the things

He has

Done

See that beautiful girl right there?

That's my sister Mona.

I'm throwing her this wedding.

Oh, me? My name is Anita. I am 40 years old.

I'm What some might call an overachiever.

I make six figures. I have six figures in my savings.

And, yes, this house is paid for.

I got it going on. Got it all together.

There's only one thing missing in my life.

I've never been married, and I've never had any children.

But I'm really so happy for them.

I just wish that God would send me my man.

She met her husband Victor on a hiking trip.

She hurt her leg, and he was the fireman that came to help her.

Maybe I ought to go somewhere and hurt my leg.

It's not gonna happen on a hiking trip though. I can tell you that.

Oh, there's my friend, Jasmine. She works with me at the bank.

She is a wild woman.

I've been trying for years to get her to get saved...

and finally she decided to get saved last year.

Y'all about to be doing the nasty!

Oh, look at her.

Let's just say her mind got saved, but nobody told her body.

Oh, there's the Reverend Walker.

He's been my pastor for a really long time.

He's always saying to me...

“God will make a way.”

Well, God, I am waiting.

I'm Waiting on you, God.

There you are, girl. I've been looking all over for you.

- Why aren't you downstairs? - I had to get this laundry together.

I forgot to put new towels in the guest bathroom, so-

- I'll help you do this, right here. - Thank you.

Everything is so beautiful.

You must have spent an arm and a leg on this wedding.

- Well, she is my baby sister. - Girl, I like everything.

The flowers, they was all real and stuff.

Oh, and the ceremony, it was so gorgeous.

And, girl, that cake! I ain't never seen no cake like that before in my life.

It's shaped like a mountain, and they met on a mountain...

and the cake is a mountain.

You think when we out into it, it's gonna be like chocolate dirt on the inside?

Yeah, it might.

Oh, and girl, she is so lucky. How she meet a man that fine?

Girl, we need to go hiking and break our legs. Look at him.

He's something else.

Oh, and I was crying when he was saying his vows to her.

It was so beautiful.

He loves her so much.

You know how men get to crying and their voice gets a-quivering and all of that?

Oh, it was so sexy.

And, girl...

you know they're going to have a good time on their honeymoon in “Bor-ay Bor-ay.”

Bore-Bore, Jasmine.

Same thing, girl.

You know that honeymoon is gonna be smoking.

You know they gonna constipate, right?

- They gonna What? - Constipate.

“Consummate,” Jasmine.

Girl, constipate, consummate, Whatever.

All right, all right, come back, come back.

Look, I don't know how you do it, Ms. Celibate.

When you commit your body to the Lord, it is easy.

I be trying, but the only thing I can commit to...

is Keyvonté in the middle of the night.

You'll get there.

You don't know Keyvonté, apparently, you know?

You'll get there, Jasmine. Just relax.

Look, I don't know that I Want to get there. Don't you miss men?

Well, if I missed men, I would have a man, okay?

'Cause I be needing a big ol' sexy...

strong daddy in the middle of the night!

Okay, okay. Jasmine, would you go downstairs...

and give the guests some refreshments?

Why don't you do that for me? Can you, please?

- Did I say something wrong? - No, no, you didn't. You didn't.

Oh, girl, I'm so sorry. Lam going on and on...

and you don't even have a man...

and your sister is downstairs getting married to that fine man.

Not to mention that you got left at the altar.

Kid just messed around and broke your heart-

Jasmine, that was five years ago.

Oh, and you still by yourself? That is completely tragic-

Okay, okay, he)”

Would you stop? Go downstairs and give the guests some hors doeuvres.

Would you do that for me, please? 'Cause you ain't helping me up here.

Oh, okay.

Yes, sir, yes, sir, yes, sir!

That's nice right there ain't it?

Yeah, well, all right, then.

Yes, sir, that's What I've been looking for right there.

- Turned on for What? - Whats that you say, Mama Hattie?

I'm sayin' I'm about to get D-R-U-N-K-E-D, baby.

Oh, Mama Hattie, you know better than that!

What you talking about, baby? The Bible said, “Drink ye at the wedding.”

No, no, no, it don't. No. It doesn't.

I don't see how come it don't.

If He said, “Drink ye all it”...

if you drink ye all it, then you gonna be drinking ye all at the wedding.

No, but that's not What the Bible meant. The Bible says...

“Be not drunk off of that there wine.” Hand me this.

Oh, baby, I ain't gonna be drunk off that wine.

I be drunk off the Henn already.

Oh, Mama!

Jesus, Mama Hattie!

On, God.

Reverend Walker, don't be calling my name like that.

You know What? I never.

And you never will. That's the problem. You need to.

You know What? I'm gonna pray for you.

Yeah, you do that. A little prayer a day help keep the spirits away.

But I'm gonna keep this spirit. This a good kind of spirit, right here.

- Jesus. - I'll tell you who does need praying.

- Who that? - Anita.

- What's Wrong with Nita? - She is really upset.

What's she upset about?

Look around. Just look around.

Look around at What? This a beautiful wedding. I told her that.

Baby, she ain't never been married before.

Oh, no, I don't think she feel no kind of Way about that.

She wouldn't have done this beautiful thing if she wasn't happy for her sister.

Oh, she happy for her, but shed be happier if it was her own.

Yeah, you're right. No, she's not.

She is gonna need a warm, kind word from a wise person.

Oh, I got this. I'm gonna go talk to my grandbaby. I be back.

Not you!

I said a wise person. I was talking about the reverend.

- That's right. - You Wait one doggone minute.

If anybody gonna talk to my grandbaby, ifs gonna be me.

Can't nobody do it like I can.

Mm-mm. Not While you getting drunk, though.

Oh, baby, I just need this Henn to help me chill out.

Well, What for?

'Cause if I'm in chill mode by the time I get to her...

I won't slap her to sleep for Whining.

That's real wise and gentle.

I don't know nothing about all that, Rev...

but What I do know is the best Way to get over her old man...

is to slip right up under a new one.

That's the way, Mama Hattie!

Mama Hattie!

Reverend Walker! Don't be calling my name like that!

The police be looking for me. You know I got warrants and things like that.

Listen, but you should really let me talk to her...

'cause I can pray with her and everything.

- That's right, Rev. You know God hears you. - That's right.

Since he hear you so well, then tell him to hurry up and send her a man.

And whilst you at it, can you tell him to give me the number to the Powerball?

That's enough! You know What?

In the name of Jesus. I'm gonna pray for you.

Yeah, you pray for me. You know What?

I'm going back here to talk to my grandbaby. I be back.

You go on and talk to her. If that don't work...

I got a plan.

- And What kind of plan you got? - I'm gonna hook her up.

Hook her up? You see, Rev?

That's What you need to be praying about right there, the hookup.

I Want you to go over there to the thug side of heaven over there...

Where Tupac and them is over there...

and tell him to send me one named Hakeem, Rasheem, Malik.

Long as he got gold teeth, long as he got Tims...

two rottweilers sitting there right beside his ankles, baby...

and long as he tatted up everywhere- just tattoos everywhere!

That does a body good. That's better than milk, right there.

Mama Hattie, I bind you in the name of Jesus.

And I bind you back in the name of Jesus.

That old lady is something.

Whoo, you know What? That's a problem, right there.

- You got some hors doeuvres here, I see. - What?

Some hors doeuvres.

These just baby hot dogs with bacon on them.

Bless your heart. Anyway, hand me a couple.

No, Rev, everybody ain't had none yet.

It's all right. I've been here all day.

You all done had me here all day.

- My stomach- - Everybody ain't had none.

- My stomach- - Everybody ain't had none.

My stomach been touching my back all day. Give me some of this.

Nita! Nita!

Nita! Nita!

I know doggone well you ain't up here whining over that man.

Ifs been five years, and ifs time for you to get over him!

- What? - You heard What I said.