Batwoman

Previously on "Batwoman"...

To Catherine, a most extraordinary woman.

You should have first looked

to see whether it's marked poison or not.

Jacob would never hurt us.

You know she died?

Exactly the way that Alice planned it.

Hands in the air, Kane.

- You're under arrest. - What the hell is happening?

Get your hands off of me!

You had someone impersonate him,

the skin pirate.

I'm gonna ask you again, Kate.

Is Alice worth it?

Wasn't that our train?

What the hell? That's my stop.

He missed my stop completely.

Hey, Keanu. Some of us have tickets

to "Jagged Little Pill".

That's not right.

Attention, ladies and gentlemen.

It appears our computer system has stopped responding.

We've lost our brakes.

This is not a drill. Brace for impact.

Conductor sent GCPD an SOS 5 minutes ago

that his brakes went out.

Now at his rate of speed and taking into consideration

the rush hour passenger weight on a 650-volt, 3-rail system,

they've got about half a mile of track

before they get to the end of the line.

You didn't hear a word I just said, did you?

I love this bike!

Figured you couldn't exactly have the same ride as Kate Kane.

Agreed, but it's not my birthday for two days.

Birthday?

You had no idea.

Uh, yeah. So the next stop should be...

Got it!

Look out!

I got you, ma'am.

Ma'am?

Oh, boy.

Good morning, Gotham.

After the death of Oliver Queen,

I think we all needed a reason to smile,

- and we've been getting it all week. - _

A bombshell caped crusader

and a cop with Chris Evans vibes?

Talk to me, Gotham.

Are we shipping these two or what?

Congrats. Your street cred's off the charts right now.

Officer Slam Bradley is as hometown hero as it gets.

Why is this guy suddenly everywhere that I am?

The GCPD's probably stepping up their game now

that the head of the Crows is in jail.

Oh. Heh. Slam is Mr. March

in the annual hunks of the GCPD calendar.

The handcuffs are a nice touch.

I got to say I can't really blame people

for shipping you and Captain America.

Have we not had this conversation?

I'm very, very gay.

Have you not seen Batwoman?

Major straight vibes.

Kate, it's not a total negative.

That I'm apparently dating Mr. Underwear

that leaves nothing to the imagination?

That Gotham's confused.

It's misinformation. The less they know about you,

the easier it is to keep you a secret.

A train lost its brakes,

and I saved 450 people from smashing

into a concrete wall,

and all Gotham cares about

is Batwoman's sex life.

They just want to see her happy.

Well, too bad because she's not.

_

"Fill up your glasses a quick as you can

and sprinkle the table

with buttons and bran.

Cats in the coffee and mice in the tea,

and welcome Queen Alice with 30 times 3".

Oh, Catherine, do tell me

if it's too weak.

What's that, dear?

Too bitter. Then it's perfect.

Now back to sleep.

Nighty night.

Such a shame our dear sister

couldn't join us today.

Guess that would require her taking one of your calls

or answering a text...

or a letter

or a cryptic gift.

Oh, shh! Your tea's getting cold.

I'm getting cold.

Perhaps we should resume this when the conditions

are more favorable to celebration.

Catherine Hamilton is dead.

The sunshine is implied.

Look, Alice.

I know you have this fantasy

that the 3 of us are going to be a family one day,

but Kate doesn't.

I killed our mutual enemy for her.

She'll come around.

That's not a gesture of love to her.

It's a weakness.

It's another strand in your unraveling psychosis.

She doesn't see her sister.

She sees a soul in need of saving.

She's the city's hero.

The city's hero can't be seen

sipping tea with fugitive dreck.

As long as she wears that mask,

you're never going to bring her into this family.

Hmm.

Hey, guys. So this may come as news to some of you,

but my Insta account's not actually a place

for you to list all the ways

that I'm human garbage.

My stepdad's a murderer,

my mom's company's corrupt, we're all evil.

Got it loud and clear,

and since there is not enough bandwidth

on the internet for me to explain

all of the ways that you're wrong,

I'm gonna sign off for a bit.

Be better to each other seriously.

Peace.

Oh, my God!

Sorry. I didn't mean to scare you.

I know, and you didn't mean for your twin sister

to poison my mother,

but we all know how that turned out.

I just... I wanted to let you know that I put in a call

to Hewitt and Associates.

I figured that an extra legal team wouldn't hurt.

Yeah, I know, which is why they've all been hired.

Thanks, but we got this.

- We? - Your dad, Sophie, and me.

Your dad has every lawyer in Gotham on retainer,

Sophie built a strike team to try and find Mouse,

and I am looking for a plastic surgeon

willing to testify that face replacement's

a great way to frame someone for murder.

Okay. How can I help?

You could tell your sister to stop defiling my mom's grave.

Wow. She's been looking for a way to get my attention.

She thinks that I want to be sisters.

Isn't that what you wanted?

Look. If you want to help,

tell your sister to leave my dead mother alone.

She'll listen to you, right?

Oh. Wait.

Mary, I am so sorry.

I know. I know you are. I know you never wanted

to believe that your sister could be capable

of doing something so horrible, but I did,

and you decided to ignore me...

So I'm really busy.

Bye.

Ohh.

Here. Put this on.

We're officials for the transit authority.

Ever since the Scarecrow incident,

Gotham city trains run on an independent analogue system.

In theory, that should make them unhackable.

Suicidal conductor?

The GCPD already released him.

Black box data showed no indication of engineer error.

It was like the train's brake system got possessed or something.

Please don't touch that.

Great. Well, that made this harder by about 100%.

Hmm. This help?

That could theoretically

have something to do with it.

Yeah. It's a packet analyzer.

It intercepts and jumbles traffic

as it passes over a digital network.

The hacker probably used it to hijack

the train's brakes remotely.

I love to dig because when I dig

I find all the secrets you bury.

- Did you just get... - Same thing.

If I can hack your subway,

I can hack your phone, computer,

home security cameras.

Did I get your attention?

Good. Now crowdfund my escape from Gotham.

Click the link and help me raise

$5 million by midnight on Friday,

or your secrets come out.

It doesn't matter if you are a porn addict,

masked vigilante, or everyday Joe Schmo.

Pay up, Gotham.

Mayor, are you calling this a terrorist attack?

Sir, how widespread is the cyber breach?

Folks, please just let me speak.