The Muppets

Piggy and I broke up for some good reasons, but...

I don't know, she's really been working on herself lately,

and the truth is (sighs)

I miss being together

So now what?

Well, first of all, I can see you're feeling anxious.

- Yeah. - So you should pet my head.

- Hmm? - No, no, it's okay.

I'm a licensed therapy dog now.

- Okay. - There you go.

- (Grunts) - Just get there. Nice.

- Oh. - Mmm.

- That does help. - Mm-hmm.

So, part of me wants to get back together.

I mean, I do love all her little quirks,

and, uh, the way she cries

when her Instagram pictures don't get enough "likes. "

Mmmmmmmmm.

- Uh, Rowlf? - Yeah?

Oh, I'm listening. I'm listening.

But... but maybe you'd feel better

if you got a little action there behind my ear.

- How about that one? - Okay.

- There. - Um, I don't know, Rowlf.

I just feel like I have to choose between my heart and my head.

No, no, no. You just need a sign.

- What? - Sure.

Sounds like it's time to flip my trusty, rusty Buffalo nickel.

Well... okay, let's go.

All right, heads, you get back together with Piggy.

- Okay. Here we go. - Well, the answer isn't in the coin.

It's in whoever flips it.

If it comes up with what he wants, he'll react happy.

If not, he'll ask for two out of three.

And, uh, by the way,

this bar would be known as Rowlf's Pilates Studio

if it weren't for this lucky ol' coin.

Heads! Which, ironically, means "heart. " Wow!

- And there's your sign. - Oh, boy.

- Now, go get your lady. - Yeah.

- Right after you scratch my belly. - Oh, oh, sure, sure.

Tonight, after the show, I'm gonna do something really, really big.

Uh, could you just... A little bit to the left there would be great.

- Sure. Right here? - Ohh.

Okay, Piggy, time to go.

By the way, when you were having your surgery,

you didn't happen to add a little, uh... ma...?

- What? No! Absolutely not! - Mm.

Hey, look at this weird text I got from Kermit.

- It's a kissy-face emoji. - Hmm.

What's that about?

- Oh. - Hmm?

- Oh, you don't know. - Know what? What? What?

Uh, well, a couple of things happened

when you were on the pain meds.

Um, one, you called your night nurse "Buck-tooth Joe. "

- He did not like it. - Oh, no. Was his name not Joe?

I'm the worst with names.

And, two, you and Kermit exchanged "I love yous. "

Shut up! Wait, who said it first?

- You did. - Noooo!

But... he said it twice.

Yes! Kermit loves me and we're getting back together.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, wait a moment.

He hurt you so terribly.

Are you certain you want to try again

just because of an "I love you" under anesthesia

and a kissy text?

- You're right. - Mm.

You're right.

Kermit has to show me that things will be different this time.

But as long as he makes a big, grand gesture today, yes!

Of course I want to try again.

I love him, Deadly.

Well, all right, then.

Now, what are you going to wear

for the most romantic day of your life?

Something pink and sheer. Maybe floral.

Hmm, such as...?

- What if I'd said black sequins? - Mm, please.

Ha ha ha!

Hi-ho, everybody. Hey, guys, guys, guys.

Listen, it is so great to see you all working so hard

on our last show before vacation.

Yeah, there's a lot of talkin' going on, but it ain't about the show.

No, it's about you and Miss Piggy.

- What? - Yeah, yeah.

The... the camera was on in the hospital room,

and we all saw the love.

- Mm-hmm. - Ohh. No!

Whoa, yeah!

And now we're figuring out if you and Miss Piggy

should get back together or not.

- See? - Whoa!

Whoa-ho-ho-ho!

- (Laughs) Those are the pros and cons. - And we're also stumped on lunch.

And I am in charge of the Team Love

because... love.

- (Cologne sprays) - Ew! (Coughs)

And I am in charge of Team Friendship

because guys throw the word "love" around,

but they're all talk and no action.

Oh, baby, I'm all about the action.

- Really? - (Chuckles)

Listen, Rizzo's been throwing himself at me for a long time.

But he ain't got one ounce of romance in him.

He is crass. He is shallow. And on top of that,

he ain't never bought me nothin', the cheap bum.

So, guys, I would love to change the subject and get back to the show, please.

The office is no place for romance.

That's why I am a lifelong member of Team Friendship.

- Yeah! - Um, I, like, like friendship,

but I like love, love. So, like, I'm on Team Love.

- Uh-huh. - Me too.

Boo, Team Friendship. Boo!

Guys, guys, guuuys!

Listen, no offense here, but you guys don't get a vote.

Mm, but it's not about voting, Mr. Kermit.

It's about science. Just as the flapping of a butterfly's wing

affects the trajectory of a hurricane,

your rekindled love

promises to leave a wide path of destruction.

- Voila. - (All gasp)

Oh, come on, guys. This is crazy.

Now, could we please just focus on tonight's show?

We have Bruno Mars. It's very exciting.

- Uh, yeah, Bruno Mars canceled, Chief. - What?

Yeah. Just like my biological dad does

- for my birthday dinner every year. - But why?

My therapist says it's because he's a pathological narcissist, so...

No, no, no, no. Why did Bruno cancel?

Oh, well, uh, was only doing the show because he wanted to woo Miss Piggy.

Yeah, then his manager heard about the "I love yous,"

and suddenly, Bruno's yacht ran aground off the coast of Corsica.

- Well... - Wow, like, that's a bad sign.

Science!

- (All gasp) - Bruno!

- Manchego cheese. - Hmm.

- Kermit, Kermit, wait a... - Yeah?

Ignore all of them. I think you are being very brave.

I don't know.

I do. If it was me, and I worked so hard to rebuild my friendship with Piggy

after that devastating break-up, I'd be too afraid to try again.

- Yeah? - Especially when it's so obvious

that you're not exactly made for each other.

What? Now, now, just wait just a second, Fozzie.

- Look, she's changed a lot since then. - Plus, she's the star of the show. Right?

If it doesn't work out and it gets so ugly that one of you has to go,

it's certainly not gonna be the one with her face painted on the building.

Well, I...

But if I know you, and I do,

I'm sure you've already given this plenty of thought.

Uh...

Actually, I flipped a coin.

- Who are you? - Hmm?

- And what have you done with Kermit?! - Aaaaaaah!

(Singsong voice) Oh, Kermit! Where are you?

This is why we have a no-fan rule.

Kermit?

- (Grunting) - Hmm? Oh.

Kermit?

- Kermit? - Hmm?

Kermit?

- Ohh. - Kermit?

Get that camera out of here. Stop shooting me.

- Shoot something else. - Kermit?

- (Slurping) - (Indistinct conversations)

And now they're out of hand sanitizer.

- Scooter. - (Groans)

Scooter, this is ridiculous. Look at all these people.

Yeah, well, Kermit was distracted

by all the Piggy business, and he meant to send an e-mail

telling everyone they can invite a plus-one to the show,

but he wrote a plus-11, and look at this place!

Yeah, tell me about it.

I've already made four runs to Trader Joe's,

and the bathrooms are looking like it's day three at a music festival.

Ugh! And Kermit put me in charge of finding a backup musical guest

- while he works on Bruno Mars. - Hmm.

- Scooter, did you say "musical guest"? - I did, Howard.

Well, you know that I manage some of the freshest acts in show business.

- Uh... - And, of course, you've heard

of the white-hot group Geri and the Atrics?

Oh, yeah, I love those guys.

But weren't they like 100 years old 100 years ago?

And now they're even older. (Chuckles)

One of them had a thing with Teddy Roosevelt.

- Ooh. - (Grunts)

Oh, where the heck is Kermit?

Piggy keeps walking by my desk in different outfits.

Si, si. My favorite was the sexy financial aid officer at a junior college.

- Where is he? Kermin? - Kermit?

Kermin? (Cellphone dings)

- No. - You're kidding.

- Really? - Oh, hi, guys. How's it going?

I knew it! You're hidin' from Piggy!

Oh, no, no. Don't... don't be crazy. I am simply producing tonight's show

from inside this drawer. (Scoffs)

Uh, has Bruno Mars' agent returned any of my calls?

No! See, this is why you and Piggy are a disaster.