The Simpsons

- Worth it. - Totally worth it.

Again!

Dinnertime!

Dad, are you gonna watch the solar eclipse?

Sorry, but this is pork chop night.

Ooh!

Ah!

Way to go, God!

Huh?

Aah! My eyes!

I told you to use the cardboard box!

I thought you meant for standing on.

Marge, you gonna eat that piece of burnt gristle?

- No. - Whoo-hoo!

Homer!

Did you pour fry pan grease into the milk carton?

- Yes, but it's not for... - Just a splash for my coffee.

I wanted to watch the eclipse with you.

I can only imagine what you've got planned

for date night tomorrow.

Date night?! Marge, if we're still dating,

why in the world do we have these kids?

- What? - Hmm?

Hey!

You need to make me feel you're as smitten with me

as you were when we met.

Marge, darling, you mean as much to me

as the sun and the moon.

There was an eclipse of the sun by the moon,

and you didn't even walk outside.

Come on, Marge, you can't be that mad.

Uh-oh.

Marge wants a date night this Saturday.

You think you've got problems?

I'm really not liking this new bar mix.

This Saturday? Is she crazy?

That's when we spray nitrous in the ant farm

and watch 'em go nuts.

Yeah, here's a taste.

Stupid ants.

Maybe I could have a date night here.

Sure. I'll make it nice.

Take the paint cans out of the ladies' room,

just like the Waldorf Hysteria there.

I don't know what to do. I want it to be perfect.

I've spent so long ignoring how she thinks and feels.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a real crotch-22 there.

You know, Moe, a lot of what you think you're saying,

you're not really saying.

Well, I got to admit, I've been doing

a little of this nitrous myself.

Oh.

Stupid ants.

Aw.

You didn't have to do that.

That and much, much more.

Huh?

Huh?

Corkage fee. $30 dollars?

Corkage is the sum we charge

for opening the wine you bring, sir.

30 bucks to open a box?!

I mean, nothing's too good for this lady.

- Play the violin. - I am just a waiter, sir.

I said play the violin.

After dinner drinks.

I feel like Mrs. Remington Steele.

I want you. I want you!

And I want you. Only you.

Oh.

Ooh.

Oh.

What the...?

Oh. Sweetie, I-I think you'd better see who it is.

Homer, I know it's late and

you've got your "Keep Out, Flanders" sign up,

but, uh, I'm sorry, I-I...

I'm feeling mighty low, sir.

- Who is it, Homie? - It's stupid no one.

Flanders? What's wrong?

Marge, it's date night!

That's a made-up thing.

Mmm-mmm.

Lukewarm water. If I close my eyes,

I can pretend I'm at the dentist.

Afterwards, I'll grab some Flintstone vitamins

and try to knock myself out.

Half a Bamm-Bamm should do it.

Ned, what happened?

I'm out of work.

The Leftorium is no-morium.

Hey, Ned. I can't hack it anymore.

You want to buy my side of the kiosk?

I'll get all the people coming out of Sears!

But I got squat.

People are getting all their southpaw sundries online.

All I was getting were right-handed college students

who wanted to experiment.

Don't worry, Ned.

Homer will tell you how to get a job at the plant.

- I will? - Yes, you will.

- Because it's date night. - You said that wasn't a thing.

- Let's not fight on date night. - Oh, all right.

Call the plant and ask for Human Resources.

Oh, thank you.

And as a reward, you get my famous cocoa.

Now, I assume the two of you will want a cup?

Make my next one a double.

I cannot be your head of Human Resources

one more second, okay?

With the verbal abuse and the physical abuse,

and the lying under oath.

And especially this!

Would you like to be the new head of Human Resources?

To quote my pet turtle, "Shell yes!"

Not so fast.

You may have to give me blood from time to time.

Yes, sir. My blood's like my attitude:

- B-positive. - Excellent.

Isn't this great? We're carpooling to work.

So I can see you in the morning, at work,

in the evening, and in my dreams,

thanking you for saving my life.

Look, Ned, we're just driving together.

I don't want any "iddlies," "diddlies,"

"neighborinos" or "oopsy-doopsies."

- Okily-dokily. - Here's another suggestion:

No talk, just music.

Oh, sure. That's why I brought this CD of Christian favorites,

Magical Ministry Tour.

Maybe we should talk.

Well, of course, my friend.

- Want to talk about Jesus? - No.

- Want to talk about Ecclesiastes? - No.

Want to talk about baby Jesus?

Let's crank it up to six.

You'll notice on your paycheck,

we've adjusted for desk rental and electrical power usage.

Isn't this a power plant?

As defined by the IRS, we are a religion.

And that is the last question you'll ask of me.

I will break you in one day.

Now we're gonna do a little role-playing

with Smitty and Jacqueline.

Smitty, pretend you're greeting her.

Uh, have a good one.

Okay, stop right there. A good one, what?

An unspecified object is the devil's wordplay,

so I say, "Come and go with a hidely-ho!"

What a wuss.

I can hear you.

Did you help this wuss get this job?

I just told him who to call.

And you didn't put in a good word?

- No. - You idiot.

A recommendation from you would've sunk him for sure.

Okay, what happens if I touch her?

Mm. Go ahead.

Hey, good work today.

This hardly seems fair!

Your behavior is obnoxious and offensive.

You'll be working for me in a different capacity.

Hmm.

- What are you doing, Lisa? - Making an art project.

- You color very neatly. - Thank you.

Pride's a sin.

So is snitching to God, Rod.

I'm Todd. I think.

Homer. Homer.

Hey, hey!

Homer, you were sleeping at work.

I had to mop up your drool.

Leave me alone.

To beef up team spirit, I thought I'd form

a little prayer circle at lunch.

Um, if you pray at lunch,

aren't you interrupting God's lunch?

Finally, someone thinks about God.

Um, Todd, do you have anything else you can do?

- Can I pray for you? - Ugh. If you do it silently.

Dear Lord, let Lisa avoid

The cleansing fire foretold by

the Council of Nicaea before they got leprosy!

- That's not silently! - You have such great hearing.

I miss Milhouse.

I knew if I switched from white to dark socks,

things would start happening.

Uh, you wanted to see me?

I happen to know your father didn't die.

Look, Ned, you have to learn the way things work around here.

People cut corners. You have to let things slide.

Let me repeat.

Sorry, Homer, I can't cut you any slack.

I owe it to you to help you achieve your potential.

Maybe you could help get me another job at the plant.

One where you don't have to show up, like safety inspector.

But you are the safety inspector.

Then I should really return these things

that have fallen down my back.

They look like gummy worms, but they're not.