The Flintstones

I just gotta get some food.

Every nerve in me is yelling for a brontosaurus burger.

I can't stand it any longer. Al!

I don't care what you promised Wilma, Al.

I need some food. AI, just one little brontosaurus burger.

No one will know. What harm can it do?

Okay, Fred.

Wilma will kill me for this, but I can't stand to see you suffer.

Bedrock Television Studios, good morning.

I'm sorry, Mr. Slabsides is busy shooting a commercial.

Will you leave a message, please?

We have one more actor to interview, Mr. Slabsides.

Okay, run him through.

Next. Step up, please.

No, he won't do it. Doesn't do a thing for me.

The "after" is perfect, but the "before" isn't right.

He's the last one, Mr. Slabsides.

There are no more fat "befores." You've tried 50 of them, sir.

But none of them are right.

They don't create an image. There's no sponsor identification.

Hey, Slabsides, what's holding up that reducing commercial?

Hello, B.J. I had a lot of ideas.

I threw them all in the lake to see if they'd float, but they all sank.

I seem to be stuck for the right "before" image, B.J.

One that will project an identifying image for the client.

One that will fire the imagination, trigger people into taking the course.

The right image...

Shut up. Don't give me all that guff, I taught it to you.

One fat man, three days auditioning, big deal.

I'll get the first fat man that comes along the street and get this thing rolling.

- Yes, sir. - Image, smimage. All I want is a fat man.

There ought to be one along any minute.

Hey, mister.

- You want something, bud? - Yes, may I have a word with you, sir?

As long as it don't cost me nothing, why not?

Is that all you?

That's all me, buster, and it cost me a lot of money to get it that way.

- How would you like to be on television? - Television!

Oh, no. You're the guy with the peekaboo camera.

I've seen your program before, mister. Where's the microphone?

Where's the camera? You're clever at hiding everything.

Gee, I never suspected.

Hey, Wilma! Hey, Barney, Betty! It's me, Fred.

I'm on TV. Look!

I hope I didn't make a fool of myself.

Where's the release? I'll sign it. Oh, boy, I'm on a peekaboo camera.

Wilma, hey, how do I look?

All right, what's all the fuss about? What's going on here?

It's all right, Officer. He's one of our TV actors.

One of them!

Keep him quiet, this is a public street.

I love your program. You fool even the smartest people like me.

And when do I get the residuals for the reruns?

Come on, tell me, where's the camera hidden?

There is no camera.

You aren't on TV at all.

Not on TV?

What's the matter with you? Are you some kind of a nut or something?

I have a good mind to pop your lip up.

- But I can put you on TV. - You can?

- Certainly, Mr... - Flintstone, Fred Flintstone.

Pleased to meet you. I'm B.J., President of Bedrock Television Studios.

And you're perfect for a part I have in mind.

- No kidding? - No kidding, Mr. Flintstone.

You can be a big man on TV.

I wonder what's keeping Fred. It's not like him to be late for dinner.

- Hiya, Wilma! - Fred, where have you been?

Fred, what's the matter?

- Wait till you hear the news, Wilma. - What news?

Wilma, you are married to a TV star.

I am? Oh, boy! Which one?

Terry Masonite, Rick Masterson, Mavrock?

It doesn't matter, I love them all.

I am talking about me.

You, Fred? A TV star?

Okay, laugh. But you'll see me on tape at 8:00 tonight...

which is, as we say in the video business, "prime time."

But, Wilma, Fred wouldn't invite everybody over to your house tonight...

if he wasn't on TV.

That's what I keep telling myself, but I'm still not convinced.

Wilma, I don't mean this as it sounds...

but what could Fred do on TV?

I'm sure I don't know.

His big act at parties is the lampshade-on-his-head routine.

And I don't think television is that desperate yet.

I don't think so either.

Hiya, girls, what's the big conference about?

We were trying to figure out what Fred will be doing on TV.

He wouldn't tell me, Wilma, but I bet it's the lampshade act.

It always goes over big with the bowling team, and they'll all be here tonight.

Which reminds me, I have 50 pizza pies to defrost.

- I'll see you later. - So long, Wilma.

Yeah, bye.

How about that Fred? What a guy!

Yeah, imagine the captain of our bowling team a TV star.

Gosh, isn't this exciting? Everyone we know is here.

Yeah. Fred even invited people he's been mad at for years.

Hey, Barney, where's Fred? I want to get his autograph.

Greetings, everybody!

That Fred! He's got a lampshade on his head.

Fred, take it off. You look silly.

That's the old warm-up, as we call it in TV land, Wilma.

It's the old corn, we call it around here.

Oh, boy, women just don't dig funny gags.

- Hey, when does the show start, Fred? - In about one minute.

Now quiet, everybody. No talking while the program's on.

If you have to cough, go outside.

There, it will take a minute for the set to warm up.

Hey, I bet Flintstone's a riot.

I'm so nervous, I could jump out of my skin.

Quiet, here it comes.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to The Happy Hour.

Sixty minutes of spine-tingling suspense...

guaranteed to keep you on the edge of your seat.

But first, a brief message from our sponsor:

Before taking the Fat Off Reducing Method, you could look like this man:

All lard.

After the Fat Off Method, you could have a physique like this man.

Notice the difference.

"Before" is soft, flabby, a mess.

While "after" is handsome, rugged, trim, fit as a fiddle.

So, don't be a flabby "before, " when you can be a muscular "after.

with the Fat Off Reducing Method. And now, The Happy Hour.

That's it, folks, how did you like it?

Hey, where did everybody go?

They all went home, Fred. They were ashamed for you.

Ashamed for me? I don't get it. I thought I looked pretty good.

It would be different if I was that fat "before" guy...

but as the "after" guy, I thought I shaped up great.

Fred Flintstone, you were the "before" guy.

- After! - Before!

All right, hold it. We'll let Betty and Barney decide.

Now, was I the fat, lardy "before"...

or was I the muscular, handsome "after 7

Take your time, think it over. Well?

- You were the fat, lardy "before," Fred. - That's right, the soft, flabby one.

How about that.

Not only are they false friends, but they both need glasses.

They are not false friends, and you're the one who needs glasses, Fred Flintstone.

Come to think of it, I think I was standing on the "before" side.

But you know what they say, television adds 10 pounds to your appearance.

Eating like a horse has added 50 pounds to yours.

And first thing in the morning...

we're going downtown and have that insulting commercial stopped.

When we get there, Fred, you keep quiet, I'll do the talking.

- Okay, Wilma. - I'll give that B.J. a piece of my mind.

And another thing, you old goat...

if that commercial isn't taken off the air immediately...

I'll sue you, report you to the FCC, and slap your face.

Now, calm yourself, Mrs. Flintstone.

Of course we'll take it off the air if you insist.

But it's a shame, your husband was a big success.

- What do you mean? - We've had a lot of calls about the method.

And nobody wants to look like your husband.

Watch it, buddy!

Yeah, watch it, buddy.

Anyway, get yourself another fat man.

My husband is going on a diet to lose weight.

Lose weight? Say, that's a great idea.

Tell you what I'll do.

If Mr. Flintstone will lose 25 pounds...

we will pay him $1,000.

$1,000? Why?

Don't you get it? We can show how much better anyone can look...

by taking off 25 pounds and feel better, too. Is it a deal?

1,000 smackeroos! Boy, you got a deal!

Good, we'll start the campaign rolling...

with the weigh-in tonight on TV, coast to coast.

Do you think Fred can really lose 25 pounds, Wilma?

If he sticks to the diet the doctor put him on, he can.

But Fred's appetite. He's always eating snacks.

Fred's got an appetite for money, too.

It's going to be a battle between the snackeroos and the smackeroos, Wilma.

That's the lineup, Barney.

Turn the TV on, it's time for The Happy Hour.

Right, Wilma.

Good evening, friends. Welcome to The Happy Hour.

Tonight we bring you the start of a very unusual contest.

The Fat Off Reducing Method...

is so sure you can look better by being slim...

that we are going to pay an overweight person $1,000...

if he will lose 25 pounds in one month.

And here is our contestant, Fred Flintstone.

Hi, all my friends out there in TV land...

especially my dear wife, Wilma...

and my dear neighbors, Barney and Betty Rubble.

And all the gang down at the Bedrock Bowling Alley.

Mr. Flintstone.

I also want to say hello to my fellow members...