Carol's Second Act

Oh, honey, this is so nice.

The last time we were in a hospital together,

I was screaming and you were naked.

I mean, isn't this fun?

Now you get to keep me up to date

on how work is going,

who your friends are,

who you're dating.

And let's never forget that boundaries

are also healthy and good.

Okay.

Morning, Dennis. It's your favorite pharma rep

with your favorite drug, caffeine.

Thanks.

Really keeps my morning pep going.

Hot tip: Get in good with Nurse Dennis.

He can make things here a lot easier for you.

Or much, much harder.

Hey, Dennis. I paid for that coffee.

Mm-hmm.

I am so proud of you.

I mean, when I tell people my mom became

a doctor in her old...

Late middle.

... late middle age,

they think it's amazing.

Oh, thank you, Jenny.

I got to say, after getting through med school,

it does feel pretty good to finally hear

- people calling me... Dr. Kenney!

Okay. Got to go.

Have a great day, sweetie. Sell lots of drugs.

Thank you for joining us. Let's get to assignments.

There's only so many hours in a day

and I'm guessing you're going to eat into a lot of them.

- Well, if I may... - Case in point.

Dr. Gilani.

- Dr. Jacobs. - Dr. Frost.

Oh, so many doctors.

We're all doctors.

Dr. Jacobs, I'm wondering if I might borrow

one of your young chicks.

- Personally, I would love... - Dr. Kutcher.

I never get tired of hearing my own name.

Very good. Come with me, Dr. Kutcher.

Bye, all. Cream rises to the top.

Cream may rise to the top,

but almond milk stays good for way longer.

So you're almond milk?

Yeah, that's right. Back of the fridge.

Not flashy like that oat milk.

I'm gonna survive this year by keeping a low profile.

I'd like to keep a low profile,

but I'm the only queer, diverse person in the program.

There are already six pictures of me

- on the hospital website. - Oh.

Dr. Gilani, you'll be treating a patient

in a medically induced coma.

Okay. You all heard it.

She was in a coma when I got her.

- Dr. Kenney. - Let me guess,

more stool samples.

Unfortunately, all the stools

have been sampled.

So you and Dr. Sommers will be treating a patient.

A patient?

A real, live patient?

Yes. Your patients will always start out alive.

Wait, wait, wait. Wait.

I would just like to savor this moment.

Of course.

It feels like it was just yesterday

I was teaching a classroom full of horny ninth-graders

that amino acids are the building blocks of life.

And little did I know that I would use the amino acids

of my divorce to become a doctor

about to see her first patient.

She left after the first amino acids.

Honestly,

I didn't get horny until the tenth grade.

Ms. Zahn, I'm Dr. Kenney.

This is Dr. Sommers,

and we are thrilled to be taking care of you.

And I'm thrilled to see you.

Usually, when they see an old lady

come through the door they just stick me right with a newbie.

Um, actually, you're my very first patient.

Took you a while to get through it, huh?

Yeah. I kept mixing up the liver and the lungs.

- Wait... - No, I... (LAUGHS)

I'm-I'm joking, of course.

Anyway, let's get down to business.

You were admitted for a fever. Is that right?

Got up to 102.

That could be serious.

Well, the meds are bringing her fever down,

but she's still flushed.

Ms. Z, you wear it well. You have beautiful skin.

Tell me if anything hurts, okay, Ms. Zahn?

At my age, everything hurts.

But you touch away.

You know, Ms. Zahn,

we don't have much medical history for you.

Who's your primary care physician?

It used to be Dr. Bonner, but he died.

- Oh. - Or he moved to Death Valley.

Or he moved to Death Valley

and he died.

Now I just see whoever's at the clinic.

And it says here that you're on propranolol and trazodone.

Is there anything else?

Well, sometimes I have a drink of sherry in the evening.

We'll, uh, we'll start with some blood work

and a chest X-ray.

For now, you just try to rest. Okay?

- Yeah. - And if you want to watch TV,

we have over three channels.

Thank you. It's nice to rest.

I'm just sick of these fevers.

Fevers... plural?

I had a few this month.

Early in the month or late?

Ms. Zahn? Linda?

Oh, my God.

Did she just...

- (SNORES) - Oh...

Oh! Dr. Jacobs specifically told us to keep her alive.

Way to keep us on task, Caleb.

I'm so glad you got to hear

that patient's polyphonic wheeze.

Sounded like a mournful whale song.

Hauntingly beautiful.

- Perfect description, sir. - Mm.

Couldn't have said it better myself.

The English language is lucky to live in your mouth.

Ah.

So, what kind of complex, highly technical procedure

can I assist you with?

Well, I'd just like you to do some blood work.

Did I hear lung biopsy?

No, just the blood draw.

Thank you.

A blood draw? Is he kidding?

Oh, are you worried you won't be able to do that

and kiss Dr. Frost's butt at the same time?

Blood draws are boring.

It's nurse work.

Dude, you offended Nurse Dennis.

That's bad.

The hierarchy in this hospital goes: Nurse Dennis, Frost,

other nurses, Dr. Jacobs, patients, taco lady,

guy who lives in the ER, us.

You're overreacting.

Nurse Dennis didn't even hear me.

Did you see the face he made?

That's the face he always makes.

No.

This is the "I just heard what you said" face.

Dr. Jacobs.

Um, Ms. Zahn's blood work and X-rays came back clean,

and her temperature's back to normal.

Excellent. You and Dr. Sommers can discharge your patient.

But-but she happened to mention that

she had a few fevers this month,

so I would like to keep her for an abdominal CT.

Does she have other symptoms?

She has a dry patch

on her left arm and achy joints.

Oh, no. Does she have loose skin and cloudy eyes?

Yes, both of those things.

I'm sorry to say, it sounds like she has

an irreversible case of old.

Wow, you made a joke.

But I think there is something more we could do.

Dr. Kenney,

I admire your commitment to your patient,

but we don't have unlimited beds.

Hospital policy requires that we discharge her.

But I know there's something more going on.

Look,

I did not become a doctor

to have my very first patient, who's an elderly woman with...

Oh, again.

Oh, hey, Dennis.

Mm-hmm.

So, the-the patient in 18

is still waiting on that blood draw.

Oh, is he, now?

So if you could just... get that sample soon,

- that would be great. - You got it.

As soon as I'm done with my very...

important paperwork.

Is another nurse available?

Everyone's got paperwork.

Dennis, you got a second

to help me prep for a hemodialysis catheter?

: Hey, I got nothing but time.

You know, in fact,

let me get two other nurses to make sure we got it covered.

Okay.