The Magical Legend of the Leprechauns

THIS'LL BE MY FIRST CHANCE TO GET OUT OF NEW YORK

IN ALMOST TWO YEARS.

IT'S NOT A VACATION, JACK, OKAY?

IT JUST HAS TO LOOK THAT WAY.

YOU'RE THERE TO DO A JOB FOR US.

I KNOW THAT.

IRELAND WOULD BE A PERFECT SITE FOR US.

THE COMPANY'S GOT A LOT INVESTED IN THIS PROJECT.

SO HAVE I.

EXACTLY.

SO DON'T SCREW UP.

SO, WAS IT A GOOD TRIP, MR. WOODS?

YEAH, YEAH, IT WAS FINE, THANKS.

NOT TOO MUCH OF THE OLD TURBULENCE, THEN?

NO.

ON THE AIRPLANE?

NO, IT WAS, UH... IT WAS OKAY.

IT WAS OKAY? WELL, THAT'S GOOD.

MUST BE A TERRIBLE THING TO BE BOUNCED ABOUT LIKE THAT.

DON'T YOU HAVE A CAR?

OH, YES, A FINE ONE.

BUT, UH, I DON'T USE IT SO MUCH

SINCE THE FITZPATRICK BROTHERS GOT THEIR VAN FIXED.

THE TRAFFIC'S BEEN TOO BAD.

WHOA, YEAH...

HERE WE GO.

THERE.

WOW.

THAT'S "WOW," YES?

YOU HAVE A WAY WITH WORDS THERE, MR. WOODS.

YOU'LL NOT SEE ANYTHING FINER IN THE WHOLE OF KERRY.

MIND THE BEAM.

BOY, THIS HOUSE WAS BUILT

FOR LITTLE PEOPLE.

NO! NO! IT'S NOT!

: NOT AT ALL.

WELL, IT'S PERFECT, JUST EXACTLY WHAT I WAS LOOKING FOR.

GOOD! GOOD...

YOU-YOU HERE FOR A LITTLE OF THE OLD REST

AND RECUPERATION, YOU WERE SAYING.

YEAH, YEAH, A LITTLE REST, DO A LITTLE FISHING, MAYBE.

AH, WELL, WE HAVE SALMON THE SIZE OF DOLPHINS

AND TROUT THAT'LL JUMP RIGHT INTO YOUR PAN

WITH A PAT OF BUTTER ALREADY MELTED IN THEIR MOUTHS.

HOW DO THE, UH, THE LIGHTS WORK?

WE HAVE OIL LAMPS IN ALL THE ROOMS.

OH.

WHAT, THERE'S NO ELECTRICITY?

NO...

TOO FAR TO CARRY IT.

AND THE STOVE, IS THAT, UH...

IS THAT OIL, TOO?

EH, THAT BURNS PEAT.

STRAIGHT FROM THE BOG, DRIED AND MAKES A POWERFUL FIRE.

SO TO COOK, I HAVE TO... SET FIRE TO DIRT?

AND YOU'LL NEVER WANT TO USE ANYTHING ELSE.

WILL YOU BE TAKING THE LET?

I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M GETTING IT SO CHEAPLY.

ARE YOU SURE THERE'S NOT SOMETHING

YOU HAVEN'T TOLD ME ABOUT THIS PLACE?

NO, NO, IT'S JUST THAT LETTING'S A BIT SLOW

AT THIS TIME OF YEAR

WHAT WITH IT BEING THE, UH, SUMMER AND ALL.

AND HERE TO CELEBRATE YOUR NEW HOME

IS A TRADITIONAL HOUSEWARMING GIFT FOR YOU.

WHAT IS IT?

IRISH POTEEN, THE FINEST.

WHAT IS IT, LIKE-LIKE WHISKEY?

A WEE TOUCH STRONGER, MAYBE.

WHOA...

BEST NOT DRUNK CLOSE TO A FLAME

AND TRY NOT TO LET IT TOUCH YOUR GUMS ON THE WAY DOWN.

I'LL JUST STICK IT IN THE HOUSE FOR LATER.

NO, NO, NO!

I CAN DO THAT FOR YOU, NOW.

LET ME DO IT.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, I GOT IT.

IT'S STUCK.

EH-EH-EH, LET ME TRY, NOW.

THESE OLD DOORS CAN SOMETIMES BE A BIT TRICKY.

WHAT WAS THAT?

JUST MICE.

IT'LL, UH...

IT'LL BE SAFE THERE, NOW...

UH, FOR YOUR RETURN.

WHO ARE YOU?

I'M SORRY, ALL RIGHT?

GET OUT OF HERE!

COME ON, NOW, YOU-YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

PEEPING TOM!

NO... NO!

COME ON, I WAS JUST WALKING BY.

I DIDN'T REALIZE

THAT YOU WERE... OW!

I'M SORRY, OKAY?

YOU'LL BE SORRIER WHEN MY BROTHERS

GET HOLD OF YOU!

OW!

OH...

I'LL KNOW YOU WHEN I SEE YOU AGAIN.

OH, NO...

I'VE SEEN YOUR FACE!

OH!

POTEEN...?

THAT'S STRANGE.

OKAY...

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU'VE GOT.

TO IRELAND.

WHAT IS THIS STUFF MADE OF?

POTATOES, IGNORAMUS.

POTATOES?

HOW...?

AAH!

OW.

OH, NOT ANOTHER DROP.

NEVER, NEVER AGAIN.

EH! OH! HEY!

AAH! AAH!

HELP! HELP!

HELP!

HELP!

HANG ON!

I GOT YA!

HANG ON!

AAH!

OHH!

HEY! WAIT UP!

OH, THIS IS JUST GREAT.

COME OUT, WHOEVER YOU ARE.

DON'T MAKE ME HAVE TO COME IN THERE...

OKAY, I'M COMING IN.

HERE I COME!

I'M COMING IN NOW.

I'M IN.

I KNOW YOU'RE THERE.

I CAN SEE YOU DRIPPING.

YOU'RE...

YOU'RE A...

A LEPRECHAUN.

A WET LEPRECHAUN.

LEADER OF THE KERRY LEPRECHAUNS.

SEAMUS MULDOON AT YOUR WET SERVICE.

Woman: WHAT IN THE GRAND BANSHEE'S NAME

DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?

YOU'RE BLOWING IT.

I'M TALKING TO YOUR MAN.

ARE YOU MAD AS WELL AS STUPID?

I HAVE TO.

HE SAVED ME.

HE SAVED YOU?

GALLANTLY, I'D HAVE TO SAY...

WITHOUT A THOUGHT FOR HIMSELF.

YOU WERE DRUNK.

OF COURSE I WAS DRUNK.

WHEW!

I HATE WATER!

JUST CALM DOWN, JACK.

GET A GRIP.

IT'S JUST JET LAG.

AND YOU LET HIM SAVE YOU?

I DIDN'T ASK HIM, MARY.

HE JUST DID IT. THAT'S NO EXCUSE.

YOU COULD HAVE HAD THE DECENCY TO DROWN.

HANGOVER?

BUMP ON THE HEAD?

YOU'RE FINE.

I'M MARY MULDOON.

OH, GIVE ME A BREAK!

SEAMUS' WIFE FOR MY SINS

OF WHICH THERE MUST HAVE BEEN HUNDREDS

TO HAVE SUCH A TERRIBLE FATE.

THEY SAY THAT MARRIED MEN LIVE LONGER THAN SINGLE ONES.

IT ONLY SEEMS LIKE THAT.

WE'RE IN YOUR DEBT NOW, MR. WOODS.

YOU ARE?

WHEN A MORTAL SAVES A LEPRECHAUN

THEN THAT LEPRECHAUN IS IN HIS DEBT

FOREVER AND A DAY.

WE'RE PRETTY MUCH IMMORTAL

EXCEPT WHEN IT COMES TO WATER.

IF YOU FALL IN