Down Low

Pressure's all right, Gary?It's perfect.

And the oil is not too warm?It feels nice.

Is there any area in particular you want me to focus on today?

Um...

You could, um...

You could go, uh...

Lower?

Oh, my God.

I'm sorry, this music is triggering me.

Can I change it to something less traumatic?

Oh, um, sure.

Kind of feels like I was getting you off

at a funeral, you know?

You have a dope house, by the way.

Mmm...Oh, God.

I'm so sorry. Cory, is it? Yeah, Kory. With a K.

Could we just keep the distractions to a minimum?

I'm sorry. I stopped taking my Vyvanse, and I have--

It's okay. I'm just...

So the music, off? Please?

Yeah.

I'm so, so sorry.

Is there any way that you could not chew gum?

Bitch, am I not allowed to breathe?

Gum's gone. Are we good?Yeah. I'm sorry.

It's fine. Can I proceed?Please. Thank you.

So you have, like, a really big house.

Who all lives here?

Um, just...

Just me.

Damn!

No husband? No wife?

Um...

Wife. I had a wife.

Hm, word. I used to fuck girls too,

and then I realized I sucked dick at eating pussy.

She left. She took the kids, and--

What a bitch. Boys or girls?

Boys. Well, men now, really.

Are they hot?

What?Your two sons, are they hot?

I don't know.

Come on, Gary. You're clearly a fairy.

Or at least now you are, heh.

They're my children!It's not perverted.

My cousins are so fucking hot.

I mean, they're good-looking young men.

Okay.

Jesus!

Gary? How many guys have you done this with?

Um...

One?One, like...

Like, you're my first.

I'm your first massage?

No. I mean, yes, but...

You're the first guy that I've ever been intimate with.

Gary, this is a big fucking deal.

I need a drink. I need a drink. Come on. Come on! Holy shit.

Where are you going?

So you've never touched a dick before? Like, even as a kid?

Um...

No.

Oh, my God, Gary, that is so gay.

I'm not supposed to drink, so--That is the most repressed

Catholic-ass bullshit I've ever heard in my life.

I did jerk off once in a steam room at our country club.

God, not even an Equinox? Jesus Christ, Gary.

It was a long time ago. The world's different now.

Bitch, please. The ancient Greeks were gay as shit.

Zeus ate dick for breakfast, lunch, and dinner!

That's why he was so strong.

All the cum.

What?

You're a very spirited young man.

You know what is so funny?

People say shit like that all the time,

and I never know what it means.

Ahh! But this isn't about me. This is about you.

I wanna know, why now?

I can't believe I'm telling you this.

I got married so young, I had kids so young

that I never gave myself an opportunity--

Holy shit! I didn't even think about that.

Your kids are so lucky.

Why?They have a gay dad.

What's better than that?

Well, I doubt they see it that way, Kory.

Please, call me Cameron.

Kory's the work name, it helps me get into character.

But you and I are friends now.

Okay.

Well, Cameron, um,

my kids don't talk to me, so...What?

Sorry, you're telling me that your family won't talk to you

because you prefer bussy over pussy?

What the actual fuck?Patty had her reasons.

And I think the kids--God! Patty? Oh, Patty!

Patty's a very, very cunty name, Gary.

I'm sorry, Gary, but that is bullshit.

Bullshit.

You were honest with those bitches,

and they turn their back on you

'cause of your sexuality?

I'll talk to that bitch for you.

I'm a people person. Give me your phone.

No. You don't have to--

The only thing better than my dad being gay

would have been him being like a reiki master.

I would have killed to have a dad like you.

I'm dying.

Oh, baby, I'm dying too.

I mean, every night I fall asleep--

I'm actually dying.

I have an inoperable brain tumor.

Oh, shit.

I'm sorry. I... I really don't know what to say.

Words of affirmation is not my love language.

It's more like...

Okay, no. Okay, it--

You don't have to worry about not knowing how to respond.

Nobody's reacted that well thus far, myself included.

Oh, Gary. Are you okay?

I mean, I know you're not okay, obviously. But I mean...

It's like I just realized

that I've been alive for nearly half a century

and I haven't actually lived even a second of it.

Okay. Okay, Gary. Gary, I'm gonna help you.

What?Let's find someone for you.

Someone you've always wanted who will put what you want first.

Honestly, can't you just finish the hand job and go?

Oh, shut up.

Shut up, Gary. We're doing this.

You are gonna do this.

Now, have you heard of Plungr?

Why do I need a sex app? I literally paid for you.

Uh, because you're not gay until you've hooked up

with a complete stranger on an app,

who looks nothing like their pictures.

Okay.Okay, so crash course.

Basically, once you set up your profile,

then you put in your stats.

That's the basics.

Your height, your body type,

your pronouns, your positions.

Top, bottom. We'll figure it out later.

Jesus.Your relationship status,

date last tested, et cetera.

And boom! You're getting your hole licked,

your salad tossed, your carpet munched

by your best friends' dad or closeted neighbor--

I'm sorry, this is a lot to take in.

It's a lot, Gary. I wish they had a gay Duolingo.

You know what?

Why don't you see for yourself?

Go on.

Oh, my God. There's so many hot guys.

Yes, there are.

But if you wanna talk to any of them,

you're gonna need an avatar.

Profile picture, Gary.

You're gonna need a profile picture,

or no one's gonna answer.

Do you know what lighting in your house

makes you the most dewy?

Can we just use a picture of you?

Seriously?

Look at you. I'm not gonna get very many responses.

Uh, yeah, not with that attitude.

Do you know your angles?My angles?

Oh, for fuck's sake, Gary.

Come on, I can't just teach you everything.

Hot?

Mm-hm. Yeah, that's very hot.

I know.

I'll just call us "Lad and Dad."

Okay, um...

Hmm.

How about this guy?

Two miles away.

"Dom Top, DL, Masc4masc, I love to suck."

What's DL?That's down-low, just like you.

Well, I like his hat.

Okay.

"I like your hat, bro. You're hot."

"You too."Wait, he already wrote back?

Yep. "Come over and drain me."

Okay, I'm sorry. No, Cameron, I think this might be too much.

Oh, too late. He's on his way.Wait. What?

I dropped a pin.You gave him my address?

Yeah.I might not be ready for this.

It took me a week to work up the courage to call you.

And now you've invited some complete stranger to my home.

Gary, Gary--I don't even know this person.

How am I supposed to react?Loosen up.

How?Because you're with me.

I'm like human poppers. I open anyone up.

All you have to do is sit back and relax.

Relax.

You're gonna be okay, I prom.

Prom?