Low Tide

Was great.

Finally decided to do that.

I am, too.

Fucking go! Let's go! Jump!

Come on! Let's move.

Fucking go!

Come on, let's go! Jump!

Let's fucking go!

Come on! Jump!

Fuck.

You should have scouted that fucking house better.

Yeah, I know you can't fucking walk, Smitty.

Jesus Christ!

Shut the fuck up!

Be a fucking man and shut up!

Nice!

That's not bad.

Stop fucking crying, Smitty.

Jesus Christ, are you fucking crying?

It hurts!

Smitty, you got to shut the fuck up.

- No, it's broken. - Calm the fuck down!

It's something you got to deal with, okay?

I don't give a shit.

- Oh, shit! - Please...

Nice job.

Okay, look. I got necklace, watch.

That's like $250. What about you?

Cufflinks and... Earrings.

Maserati BiTurbo, royal blue, six cylinder.

No, you can't trust Italians.

Their shit just falls apart.

All right. What about Cadillac Cimarron?

Eight grand.

Where are you gonna find eight grand?

Smitty, you're alive.

He's a cripple.

I prefer handicapped.

Does it hurt?

Not on 25 milligrams of oxycodone.

You got any more?

You assholes don't invite me nowhere unless I'm holding.

Well, yeah, that's 'cause no one likes you.

And here's the pitch.

You ready for this game, boys?

And the New York Mets got the go-ahead run

in the bottom of the sixth from...

- Let's go Mets! - That's 20 buckaroos, boys.

What up, Sophia?

Hey, you wanna know how I broke my leg?

No.

And scored on a coast play-to-play

when Wayne Garrett lined a right.

Damn, she's fine. I think I'm in love.

- Smitty... - Well, I mean it.

You can't choose who you love, Alan.

Shit.

- Look at these Bennys. - Gimme!

Gap-wearing bullshit.

Do you hear this Benny music?

Hey, turn that shit down.

Can't hear you!

Go home, Benny.

My name's not Benny.

You city shits come down here

every summer in your daddy's car

and blare your pop 100.

God, I've missed it so much.

Yeah. Bon Jovi sucks!

You should kiss my ass I come down here at all.

If we didn't vacation here and pay for your...

All right, it's off.

Put it away. Kent's right there.

The music's off.

Put it away.

All right? Just turn the game off.

McNamara's on.

Now the one offense.

And it's a deep-left center field,

it could mean extra bases, it's going, going, it's gone!

Jeez, your grandfather never caught a shark...

Yes, he did, asshole.

There aren't even sharks anywhere near here.

If there were, the Bennys wouldn't

- flood the beach. - Let me tell you something,

he caught a baby great white, eight-feet long.

I'd be lying if I said he'd caught a grown male.

My dad catches sharks in his nets sometimes.

And the females are bigger than the males.

Oh, fun fact, Alan.

Follow-up question, do sharks have dicks?

Yeah, two dicks.

- Two dicks? - They're called claspers.

Are you kidding me? Sharks have two dicks?

And I'm the liar?

Oh, Pisces.

"You are in for a grand adventure."

"Reserve your energy for the long journey that lies ahead."

Horoscopes aren't real.

Yeah, you would say that.

'Cause I'm a Capricorn?

'Cause you're an asshole.

Hyundai Pony, black stick shift, 85 horsepower.

Only five grand.

Only five grand.

Sure, Alan. Just divest

some stock liquidations and you're good.

Did you see who died?

"Xavier Meyer dead at 91."

"Once the largest land owner in Ocean County,"

"Meyer was the captain of the Norma Kfor 31 years..."

The grocery delivery boy found him.

It's old man Meyer. Crazy-ass shut-in.

We should go explore it tonight.

No.

He's a local. He's off-limits.

Plus, he lives in that shitty log cabin,

there's not gonna be anything in there,

- I'm not wasting my time. - Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, he lives in a shack,

but he owns the entire peninsula.

Forest and all, man. We should fucking do it.

My dad tried to buy it off of him a decade ago,

the man turned down $2 million.

He said he wanted his peace and quiet.

See? Meyer had to have been fucking loaded.

We gotta do it before Red's dad buys the entire place

and just turns it into a bunch of condos

for a bunch of Bennys.

No. We don't even have an able-bodied lookout.

I think I know somebody.

That'll be $5.

- Thank you. - Have a good one.

Sold out. Put the gear inside.

Already?

Good boy, Peter.

Hard worker like your daddy.

Trabajo duro right here, fellas!

Any more porgy?

Nah, all headed to the restaurants.

Do me a favor. Grab a hose and,

help spray these nets.

Take a break first. Maybe have a cigarette.

- I don't smoke. - Well you should start.

Then you can bust my balls

and take a break every hour like these bums.

How do you say "bum" in Spanish?

I don't speak English...

Pendejo.

You want some?

I never tried beer before.

That's not what I asked you.

Dad counts the bottles.

I'll replace them.

- Never mind. - Wait...

Okay.

Do you like it?

No.

You will.

I'm going to the boardwalk.

You coming?

No go, kiddo.

You aim better with one eye.

I'm gonna want the brown bear.

Shoot five outta five targets and you get any large prize.

Check out Blue Shirt. Hey, Blue Shirt!

Hey, what's up, Blue Shirt?

You talking to me?

You're like 15, shut the fuck up.

Okay.

Hey, she was a countdown girl anyway.

What's a countdown girl?

It means from far away she's a 10.

But as she gets closer...

Nine, eight, seven, six...

Peter, your turn.

Hey, Red Shirt!

Hi, Red Shirt, how are you? How's it going?

Little creeps.

You degenerates should go back

under the bridge where you came from.

You and your stupid haircuts.

And this shirt is maroon.

Easy now, kid's colorblind.

She looked like the Hula-Hoop chick on Cable Access.

Nice tatters.

Man, video can't compare

to the splendor of a woman's breast in your hand.

Or your mouth.

You know, what's funny is,

Red can get with a girl whenever he wants to,

he just decides to hang out with us instead.

Well, I'm the only one who's actually gotten any.

Oh, yeah?

Unless Peter...

You got some vitamin B?

Peter...

Peter don't even have no hair on his nuts yet.

The fuck?

Yeah? You would know.