Love & Debt

You've reached Improve your life Construction. Leave us a message

and we'll get back to you as soon as possible.

- - The mailbox you have reached is full

and cannot accept any new messages at this time.

- You want to swipe that again? It didn't go through. - Yeah.

- I need to practice... - Next time I'm leaving you at home.

- But I was just practicing... - Do you have another card?

It was declined.

Everything you'll need to know about a person,

you'll learn by reading their credit report.

Henry Warner, married, three kids, good job,

two leased cars, mortgage on the house, currently under construction.

For years he paid his bills on time,

never left anything on his credit cards.

And then, six months ago, he stops making payments,

to the bank, the credit cards, even to his kid's shrink.

Chances are he lost his job and his wife doesn't even know it.

Let's go.

Meanwhile,

he's getting crushed on interest rates.

Bank wants to foreclose on his home,

the credit card companies want their money.

He's running on fumes.

Now our job is to do whatever it takes

to get that money.

You think you're up for it?

In college I lent my roommate $300.

When he didn't pay it back, I took a picture of him

in the shower masturbating

and I said I'd post it on Facebook if he didn't pay up.

You're going to fit right in.

You've got two weeks to close or I'll find someone else.

Why do you think the wife doesn't know?

He never stopped paying for her yoga classes.

- Henry. - Scott.

- Five bucks and I make it. - Come on, you can bet more than that.

How about bam $10,000 in severance,

fifteen-year-old scotch and power tie?

- How about 200k and my job back? - I wish you could have your job back.

I thought we were saving the company, not having a fire sale.

Buddy, I originally signed up to work for you,

not to teach Chinese people how to do our jobs.

Six months.

I worked here without a paycheck, six months,

and this is what I get, a lousy 10k?

Cheap bottle of scotch and an ugly tie?

Actually the tie was my idea.

This is Scott. No, I have time. What's up?

Your mother called me stupid.

Your parents are driving me crazy.

You have to be present...

[woman keeps complaining indistinctly]

I want you to crush it while I'm away.

So when they fire me, I can come back and work for you.

Call me.

- - Henry.

You know what, I give up, I cannot track down this fucking contractor anymore.

- I can't live in a disaster zone. - Mom.

This is... not now, Trinity, please.

- This is now all on you. You're in charge. - Mom.

- Trinity, what? - Mom, stop. Mom, stop. Stop!

- - Okay. Okay.

I see it. I see it, Trinity. Thank you so much.

Honey, you were right. Mommy just needs a second

and we will get right back on the road.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

There got to be somebody there to loan you the money.

I sympathize with you, but look, if I don't get a payment

- then we both get in trouble. - You know you all pay what you owe.

Good afternoon. This is Roy Tucker from the Beaumont Collection Agency.

I'm not the one who win up $7,000,

sticking 50s in the strippers' ass cracks.

Don't get upset, Mr. Owens.

Can I call you Albert?

I'm going to call you Albert.

When can you make a payment?

Next month? Exactly when next month?

Good afternoon. This is Roy Tucker. Hello?

No, I can't get off the phone till I get a date, man.

You know, you got to give me something.

I mean just help me out just a little bit.

Calling me a bitch isn't going to make this better?

- Gary, are you listening to me? - That guy...

he once convinced a man to let him bang his wife.

Here's how it's going to happen. I'm going to call you back in one hour.

And when I do, I want to hear some magical numbers

because I'm done fucking with you.

What's with the bike?

All right. Follow me.

Now, you close the case, you get 30% of whatever you collect.

Do the money dance, do the money dance, do the money dance.

Of course, I get 50% of that and then you got to kick back

another 20% to the house but you get to keep the rest.

Now how much does this guy owe?

- He owes $83567.25. - Eddie?

That's $25,070 and some change.

Less than 70%, equalling $7,500.21.

Fuck. What are you, a bookie?

This guy, I love this guy.

Wait. So, that means when I close 10 cases,

I'll be able to pay off my student loans.

Hey, kid, bang your head against the wall.

- I don't understand. - Go over and bang your head against that wall right there.

- You mean this wall? - That wall, yeah.

- You're bleeding. - No, I'm not.

- There's a tack in your head. - And I can't walk, what's your point?

Hey, you're the enemy and they want you to think you're

the one who brought this house of shit down on them.

- That's right. - If you want that money,

you're going to have to bang your head against that

- wall a trillion times to get it. - Tell him.

Sooner or later, something's going to give

and for your sake, it better be the wall.

It better be the wall. You see this?

This grows for bits right here.

- I can't do it. - If you drink it,

I will let you jump on my bed without asking.

Mom, please don't make them drink that crap.

- It's good for them. - Last time you gave Matty the shits for two weeks.

- It smells. - Melissa!

And does this smell thing stink?

- This stinks. - No it doesn't.

- I don't know how you live like this. - Well...

the idiot contractor has disappeared off the face of the earth.

- Well, they got deported. - It's like literally, literally good.

Oh, that hard water is going to make your hands dry.

- It's fine, mom. - You probably could use some moisturizer.

- It's fine, mom. - I can't eat this.

- I can't eat this. - Trinity, get your brother out of the car.

- But nana said I have to... - Go.

I definitely cannot eat... what even is this?

Hold on. I'll call you right back. Wish me luck.

Mom, is it really asking too much for you

to buy me some things that I can actually eat?

- This alone will kill them. - What?

That is the only bread Matty will eat.

Bleached with chlorine and benzene which causes cancer.

You're trying to kill me? I can't believe you want me to have cancer and die.

- Can you please just be helpful? - I thought I was.

Chop.

- Hello. - Hello, this is Travis Parker.

- Is Henry Werner at home? - Warner, not Werner.

Oh, sorry, ma'am. I think there's...

- the As look like Es here. - Hey, stick to the script.

I'm calling on behalf of the BCC Credit Collection.

I don't care where you're calling from,

for the thousandth time, we are on the Do Not Call List.

Yes, ma'am. This isn't about...

What part of Do Not Call do you people not understand?

Is... may I please speak with Henry Warner?

He died.

Wow... Her husband died.

Hey, they only owe 80 grand.

You should hear what they say when they owe a 100.

Make a note.

That was Bill's desk.

- Do you think I could change desks? - No.

Did you get the email I forwarded?

I have stopped reading those emails.

It's about a group of college kids

peeing on a girl in a bathtub.

Is there a reward for a missing child?

I found this one outside by himself in the car.

- It's been one of those days. - Matty, take a video.

You just don't want your kids to think

that getting peed on is normal.

I rest my case.

- Hey, did you buy anything that I could actually eat right now? - Don't start.

- I'm just really famished, to tide me over, a quick one. - No, please.

- Dad, the idiot contractor... - Please, I need you to take care of that for me.

Well, last I checked actually I work every day

although if you want to change jobs

I'm sure we can come to some type of arrangement.

Okay. Why not you take care of the kids all day

and I will ignore your phone calls and pretend I don't have a family?

I will consider your offer.

I was just telling your wife that kids today,

for whatever demented reason, think that peeing

on a girl in a bathtub is normal.

My kids are smarter than that.

You're back and forth, you got to have control.

- Don't encourage her. - I'm encouraging her to be

a better hockey player. Back and forth.

I'm saying you don't know what's going on out there.

Ten-year-olds sexting naked pictures of themselves.

Actually when I was 11 years old, I took a polaroid

of myself naked and left it in the girls' locker at school.

All the good things you have to look forward to, kids.

- - Damn it, Trinity.

- Stop playing with that fucking ball! - I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

No. Go to your room.

Okay, you guys. Time to get excited. Why?

Because Jennifer Stinson just tweeted that she's getting breast implants.

Well, good thing you are not Jennifer Stinson.

- She is my role model. - I can just give you $20 so you could buy a better bra.

You are disgusting, dad.

Jesus, Henry.

Forty dollars?

Go set the table.