Anjelah Johnson: Not Fancy

Ladies and gentlemen, make some noise

for Anjelah Johnson!

Oh, hi.

It's so cool. Look at us, guys.

We're here, Southern California.

Um, I don't know if you guys notice anything different about me.

Hey, short hair, don't care.

I cut my hair, y'all.

You know what I noticed? People judge you based on your hairstyle.

Ever notice that? Right?

'Cause I used to have really long hair, and I'd wear it in a ponytail every day

'cause I didn't know how to do anything to my hair, right?

So just, ponytail every day.

So... people thought I was a lesbian.

Hey, where all my lesties at?

Thank you for coming.

All my lesties. That means a lesbian bestie.

- - Lestie.

I wore my hair in a ponytail.

Everybody thought I was a lesbian, right? So now I cut my hair short.

So... people still think I'm a lesbian.

I think it's more than my hair that gives off the vibe,

'cause sometimes I'm a little tomboy, right?

Like, I call everybody "bro." "Hey, what's up, bro?"

Everybody's "bro," no matter who I'm talking to.

"Hey, Anj, how was the movie last night?"

"Bro.

Bro, it was so good.

Seriously, Mom, you should see it."

So good.

Or, like, if somebody gives me a compliment,

I usually just say, "Oh, thank you," right?

But sometimes I'm like, "Oh, for real? That's wassup."

"That's wassup."

Who says "That's wassup"?

I'll tell you. Boys, lesbians and me.

That's wassup.

I am married, though. Uh, to a man, to clarify.

Um, and here's the thing. My ring is fancy, right?

- -

My ring is fancy, but I'm not fancy, okay?

I mean, like, my chandeliers?

These are some fancy chandeliers, but I rented those.

- - I mean, like, I'm not fancy.

This is how fancy I am not, you guys, okay?

I live in Los Angeles, so every now and then

I have to go to these, like, red carpet Hollywood events

where you get dressed up all nice

and you walk the red carpet and they take pictures of you

and they go, "Anjelah, who are you wearing?"

"Oh, uh... Forever 21!"

"I got these at Claire's right here."

"They're gold, but now they're like rose gold."

I'm not fancy.

Even on planes. I'm not fancy on planes, you guys.

Like, my husband and I just flew to Europe.

And we flew first-class, but it was like a fancy first-class

where, like, everybody got their own private, individual,

like, spaceship-type seat

and there was all kinds of buttons everywhere.

So I was a little confused at first. I was like, "Wait a minute. Uh...

am I flying the plane?"

"Uh, excuse me.

Um...

I didn't do real good in school."

And, like, all I wanted to do was lean my chair back a little bit

so I could relax while I was watching my movie, right?

So I'm trying to find the "lean back a little bit" button.

"Okay, that's it right here.

That's good."

"I'm laying down.

I'll just sit up. It's fine."

- "This how rich people sit?" -

It was fancy.

And they had hundreds of movies for us to choose from, right?

We were going to Europe, so I wanted to be prepared

for all I was about to experience there.

So I decided to watch the movie, Taken.

It's a good movie.

At one point, I leaned over to my husband. I was like, "Uh, babe...

- don't get taken." -

"'Cause I ain't gonna be able to find you."

Serious, this guy is so smart... Liam Neeson.

He's, like, the smartest guy in the world.

You guys, if you ever hear about me getting kidnapped,

don't call the police. Call Liam Neeson, please.

This guy is solving crimes from across the world on the phone.

On a flip phone.

He don't got a data plan, nothin'.

He's gonna figure it out.

Talking about, "Is the wind blowing to the east?"

"Uh, which way the east, Liam Neeson?"

If I ever meet Liam Neeson in person,

I think I'm just gonna start crying...

'cause that means that he found me.

Told all our friends we were going to Europe, right?

They started warning us right away.

Like, "You're going to Europe? Watch out for gypsies."

I'm like, "Gypsies?

What's 'gypsies'?

Like Egyptians?"

"Are they mad at us? Did we do something to them?"

They're like, "No, gypsies.

They will rob you and take all your stuff, right?

They got all kind of gypsies. They got old lady gypsies,

little kid gypsies,

sneaky squirrel gypsies."

My road manager Lauren, she used to live in Europe,

so she even told me... She was like, "Okay, listen.

If a woman comes up to you

and throws her baby at you, don't catch it."

I'm like, "Just let the baby fall?"

She's like, "Yeah, 'cause as soon as you catch her baby,

all her gypsy friends are gonna stick their hands in your purse

and your pockets and take all your stuff."

I'm like, "Da-a-a-ng!

Well, that's dedication."

Shoot, at that point I think she kind of earned my stuff.

Right? 'Cause, like, if you're throwing your baby at someone,

that's straight dedication to the game right there.

Respect.

Right? 'Cause, like, if she's gonna throw her baby at me,

she's gonna trust that, one, I'm gonna catch her baby, right?

And that, two, I'm gonna give her baby back.

- - You know what I'm saying?

'Cause, like, what if she throw her baby at me and I miss?

Now her baby on the floor with a concussion.

Right? Or what if she got a really cute baby

and I don't want to give it back? You know what I mean?

Like what if it's a half-Black, half-Asian baby?

I'm gonna keep that one.

But now I have the upper hand in negotiations, right?

Like, "Oh, you want your baby back?

Now you want your baby back. Give me my iPhone."

"You can keep my wallet. I'll cancel my credit cards.

I need my phone book contacts."

'Cause I don't know anybody's phone number by heart.

You guys know people's phone number by heart?

No, right? Like, I know nobody...

My mom, my husband... Nobody's phone number.

If I'm in an emergency situation and people are like,

"Hurry, give us your mother's phone number so we can call her,"

I'd be like, "Okay. It's 'Mom.'"

"Right. What's her phone number?"

"M-O-M."

Let's just hope they don't ask me for my husband's phone number.

"Hurry, give us your husband's phone number."

"Okay, it's Pooky Boo Lover Buns."

By the time we landed, I was hyped.

Like, I was ready to fight somebody.

Right? Every time I saw a baby, I was flinching.

Just, like, punching random strangers for no reason.

I'd just finished watching Taken. I think everybody's trying to kidnap me.

We were checking in at the hotel.

The guy at the front desk, he was nice. He was like, "Welcome.

Would you like some help with your bags up to your room?"

I was like... "No, gypsy."

"Hmm, nice try."

Our first stop was Rome, Italy.

It was awesome, you guys.

We went to the Forum, the Vatican, the Colosseum.

And, like, this trip really made me realize

that I should have paid attention in school.

For real, 'cause, like, all I kept thinking was,

"Man, if I didn't cut class all throughout high school,

I would probably be having fun right now."

I mean, but it was still cool.

Even if you're not a history buff, like, it was still pretty amazing.

Like, 'cause I was standing there in front of the Colosseum,

just really, like, almost emotional, 'cause I'm like,