Stowaway

As magistrate of this village, it is my duty to warn you

that Hi Chung, the bandit, is on his way here.

Thank you for telling us.

- Shall I pack? - No.

- But, Alfred... - We are missionaries.

Providence sent us here to fight evil, not flee from it.

Will you allow me to take little Ching-Ching out of harm's way?

Barbara will remain here with us.

And I wish you would not refer to her as Ching-Ching.

Mr Kruikshank, you may do as you wish with your own life.

But Ching... Barbara is a child.

- Her honourable parents were my friends. - I know.

But they did not desert their post when danger threatened.

No.

And they were killed.

Please. Alfred!

I have decided.

- Greetings, most honourable Sun Lo. - Greetings, Ching-Ching.

May your shadow lengthen always in the sun of happiness.

Thank you.

May the bird of prosperity continue to nest in your rooftop.

I hope you will always remember the sayings of our wise men.

I will, because you taught them to me.

It was a great privilege to instruct the daughter of my friends,

your honourable father and mother.

Friendship is a tree of shelter from the rains of trouble.

Yes.

And so it is my wish to protect you from trouble that may be here very soon.

- What kind of trouble? - Bad men.

- There will be looting and destruction. - Oh...

I have arranged for Chang to take you to the home of my honourable brother in Shanghai.

Shanghai? Oh, that's wonderful.

I remember all the beautiful stories my daddy used to tell me about it.

But I'm afraid I'll have to ask Mr Kruikshank for his permission.

You know, he's awfully strict with me.

Don't worry about that, my little one. I will satisfactorily explain for you.

You will? Oh, thank you, most honourable Sun Lo.

Goodbye, my little friend. I shall see you very soon.

And until then, the memory of you will bloom like a flower in the garden of my heart.

Shh!

I know you're hungry, but stop barking. Your stomach has no ears.

Where's Chang?

Chang! Oh, Chang!

Chang!

I guess he went for breakfast. And that's what you want, isn't it?

Hey! Hey!

As Sun Lo says, one cannot eat gold, but one cannot eat without it.

Come on, Mr Wu, we'll find something to eat.

Oh, no, no. Is there anyone here who speaks English? I want to buy something.

Look, I want to buy a dragon's head.

Head. Though I can't imagine why.

No, me likee buy one piecee dragon head. Catch on?

Lookee.

Dragon. Head. See?

Isn't there anyone who understands English?

I can, mister.

Hello. You wouldn't by any chance be able to understand Chinese too, would you?

Oh...

- Can you ask him how much he wants for it? - (speaks Chinese)

- He says $15. - $15.

No, no.

- What's wrong now? - He's trying to cheat you.

The price is $5. Look.

Oh, yes, so it is.

- $5. - (speaks Chinese)

Huh?

As Sun Lo says, all things have two prices, one for the foolish.

You know, you look so young but you talk so old. How come?

In a junk from Sanchow.

No, I meant how come... Oh, well.

I guess we don't talk the same language in more ways than one.

You've been so nice, I'll buy you something.

What shall it be? Come on, what would you like?

A soup bone.

- A what? - A soup bone.

For my dog. He's awful hungry.

You'll never get ahead in life if you go around asking for bones.

Do you think your mother would mind if you joined us in a soup bone?

- I haven't gotten a mother. - Oh.

- Well, your father, or family? - I haven't any family.

- I haven't even got Chang. - Who's Chang?

He brought me from Sanchow, and then he ran away with my money.

Oh, a lady in distress?

Just my specialty. Well, you come along with us to lunch then you can tell me all about it.

- Thank you, but I couldn't eat any lunch. - Why not?

Cos I haven't had breakfast yet.

Menu, please.

There's the menu up there.

No, it's all Greek to me.

No, it's Chinese.

Well, go ahead and order for Mr Wu and your Uncle Tommy.

All right.

Those things cost a lot. Have you got enough money?

- Too much, so I'm told. - (speaks Chinese)

I told him to make it two soup bones.

- Do you live here, Uncle Tommy? - No, just here today. My boat sails tonight.

- Going home? - No, just travelling around.

- No place in particular. - You must be an orphan too.

Unfortunately not.

You mean you don't like your father and mother?

Well, it seems we get along better with a couple of thousand miles between us.

So, there they are and here I am, and everybody's happy.

More or less.

There you are, Mr Wu.

You certainly are extravagant, Ching-Ching.

Thank you.

What's "stravagant" mean, Uncle Tommy?

- That means you're pretty nice. - Then I think you're stravagant too.

I promised to pick up some friends here but first I'll get you straightened out.

- Will you wait? - Sun Lo says patience is like wealth.

Many talk about it, but few possess it.

- Sun Lo is quite a conversationalist. - I don't know, but he talks a lot.

Aw!

Ah, hail to the chief!

- Hello, Tommy. - Kay.

- Tommy, darling. - Dora.

- Colonel, have you been drinking? - A mere aperitif, a soupçon of brandy.

- Yes, master? - Bring us flagons of your rarest nectar.

And bring it with the speed of an antelope. We perish, we swoon.

Yes, master. Black Label all round?

- Right. - Not for me.

Do these old ears hear right?

Could it be Thomas, the pride of the Randalls, has refused a drink?

- Right. - My boy, are you ill?

Uh-uh. In fact, Colonel, I am still under the spell of a good woman.

Mr Wu! Mr Wu!

You come back here this very minute. Mr Wu!

Mr Wu! Mr Wu!

Now, where did you find this good woman? I didn't know there were any more left.

Come on outside. I'll introduce you, but remember, I saw her first.

- What about us? Can't we go too? - Sure, come on. It'll do you good.

Now, none of your Rabelaisian lip. This girl has led a very sheltered life.

As if I ever said anything that would raise a faint blush on the cheek of...

Looks like she stood you up. Nice goings-on, I must say.

Here she is. Hey.

Why don't you go all the way in? Maybe she's down the cellar.

- That's funny. - At least she left you the car.

- Sometimes they don't even do that. - She must be someplace.

- Come on, let's go on in. - When you find her, yell. We'll be at the bar.

Now, let her go, lad. Better fish in the sea.

You know, this reminds me of an experience I had in Kansas City.

I met this little lady. Very fine and very demure.

Mr Wu, you oughta be ashamed.

- Just like a lullaby, eh, Colonel? - Hmm.

A Chinese lullaby.

- Oh, there you are, Mr Randall, sir. - Little Lord Fauntleroy.

- Go away. I don't want to talk to you. - Your car. We must get it aboard.

- The captain's holding up the boat, sir. - All on account of you, Atkins.

You're a heedless, thoughtless butterfly.

No consideration for others. No...

I thought so. Colonel, this man's been drinking.

Please, sir, we must hurry, sir. Now, please.

See here.

- Steady, Atkins, steady. - Now, Tommy, we mustn't be too harsh.

I used to have an uncle that drank. It's a madness in the blood.

Please, sir, I can walk for myself, sir.

You'll be all right, but you mustn't shout like that.

We'll get you back on the boat safe and sound.

It's quite all right. I can really get there myself.

- It's quite all right. - Get in there.

- Get in, Tommy, and hold him there. - No, sir, I'm not drunk, I assure you.

- Are you sober enough to drive? - Look out.

- I could've sworn I heard something. - I bet it's a stowaway.

Who's there?

If there's anybody down here, let's find them.

You search behind the sacks. You too.

You check behind the cars.

Steward! Steward!

We found a stowaway in the hold, but he got away.

Very well.