The Cookie Mobster

COOL AS ICE, EASY AS PIE.

- SOME PIE SOUNDS PRETTY GOOD RIGHT ABOUT NOW, JOEY.

I'M STARVING OVER HERE.

CAN IT, FISH.

- SO NICE TO FINALLY BE MEETING YOU IN PERSON, MR. LOPAN,

AFTER SO MANY YEARS OF SUCCESSFUL BUSINESS TOGETHER.

LIKEWISE, MR. D AMICO.

- THESE ARE MY ASSOCIATES, MR. CHEEKS AND MR. FISH.

BABY HARNESSES?

- IT'S JUST LIKE THE POPULAR BRAND.

MINE HAS HIGH-QUALITY, NON-TOXIC MATERIALS

USED FOR MANUFACTURING, BUT IT SELL LIKE HOTCAKES.

FINE. WE'LL TAKE THEM.

- EVERYBODY FREEZE! FBI! HANDS IN THE AIR!

- DON'T MOVE! - MOVE OUT!

FREEZE!

- CHECK THE VEHICLES, CHECK THE VEHICLES.

- THERE'S NOWHERE LEFT TO RUN, D AMICO.

LOCKED!

DON T.

HOLD IT, DON'T MOVE!

CHEEKS, IT'S JOEY.

- YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE, FEDS.

both: DON'T DO IT, JOEY.

TOP OF THE WORLD, MA.

TAKE 'EM OVER TO NORTHSIDE.

MOVE IT.

- HE WAS A SAINT, I TELL YOU,

SOMEBODY YOU COULD TRUST, TRUE FRIEND TO THE END.

- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

I'M GOING. TAKE IT EASY.

TOP OF THE WORLD?

REALLY?

WANTED TO GO OUT WITH A LITTLE PANACHE, AGENT WILCOTT.

PANACHE.

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

HOW DO THEY LOOK, SALLY?

- DON'T KNOW, NITA. THEY RE STILL PRETTY SOFT IN THE MIDDLE.

OH, HOW SOFT IS SOFT?

- PRETTY SOFT, MOM. - I RESERVED OUR TABLE

AT THE SAINT BARNABY'S S CRAFT 00 A.M.,

AND WE'RE RUNNING LATE.

IF WE DON'T MAKE IT IN TIME,

YOU JUST KNOW TROOP 119 S GONNA TAKE OUR SPOT.

- BUT OUR TROOP CAN ONLY BECOME THE NATIONAL FACE

OF THE SUNNY GIRLS IF WE SELL MORE IN THE BAKE SALE.

I KNOW, GIRLS, I KNOW.

BUT AS LONG AS WE MAKE THE BEST BAKED GOODS,

PEOPLE WILL COME TO US.

HERE YOU GO.

HAVE A BEAUTIFUL SUNNY GIRL DAY.

OH, BRING IT UP, BRING IT UP.

OH, GUYS, THAT IS AMAZING.

GREAT JOB.

WHAT'S GOING ON, MOM?

- TROOP 119 STOLE OUR TABLE. - IT'S NOT FAIR.

- THEY DIDN'T STEAL ANYTHING, GIRLS.

THERE MUST VE BEEN SOME CONFUSION

WITH THE ORGANIZING COMMITTEE.

THEY RESERVED A SPOT FOR THE SUNNY GIRLS AND--

- CONSTANCE AND HER GLAMOUR GIRLS STOLE OUR SPOT.

- WE'LL BE FINE. WE'LL JUST SET UP HERE.

- MOM, WE HAD THE BEST SPOT IN THE WHOLE STREET,

RIGHT UNDERNEATH THE OAK TREE.

THEY DON'T PLAY FAIR.

HOW ARE WE GONNA WIN IF THEY-- - UH-UH-UH.

WINNING IS NOT EVERYTHING, GIRLS.

IT'S NOT AS IMPORTANT AS HAVING FUN AND LEARNING NEW SKILLS.

REALLY, MOM?

I GOT A SKILL.

OH, HI, SALLY.

CONSTANCE.

I SEE YOU GUYS ARE ALL SET UP IN THE PRIME LOCATION.

WHAT DID YOU DO, CAMP OUT?

AS A MATTER OF FACT WE DID.

THE GIRLS HAVE JUST BEEN CLAMORING FOR A SLUMBER PARTY.

- THAT MUST VE BEEN DELIGHTFUL, JOCELYN, UP ALL NIGHT,

TRADING FASHION TIPS, DOING YOUR NAILS.

THAT'S RIGHT.

YOUR INVITATION MUST HAVE GOTTEN LOST IN THE MAIL.

THAT MAKES ME WONDER.

WHEN DID YOU EVER FIND TIME TO BAKE ALL THESE?

ARE YOU LOOKING FOR YOUR MOM?

I THINK AMANDA AND TROOP 217 FOUND A TABLE

MORE SUITED FOR THE QUALITY OF THEIR PRODUCTS.

REMEMBER, A SUNNY GIRL ALWAYS SHOWS INITIATIVE.

- THE ONLY INITIATIVE YOU AND YOUR DAUGHTER HAVE

IS BUYING A BUNCH OF COOKIES,

SO YOU CAN GET OUT OF THE WORK.

- YOU CAN'T TALK TO MY MOM LIKE THAT.

YUP, STORE-BOUGHT.

WANT TO TASTE HOMEMADE?

- OH! - OH, MY.

HOW DARE YOU!

FIGHT!

- GIRLS, STOP THAT! - OH, YOU LITTLE MONSTER!

- THAT IS ENOUGH! -

STOP THAT AT ONCE!

WAY OUT OF LINE.

- YEAH. - WHAT A SHAME.

- THEY'RE SUNNY GIRLS, AREN'T THEY?

- WELL, I THINK CHEEKS AND FISH BOUGHT IT.

LET'S HOPE SO.

THE LAST THING I NEED IS MY FORMER ASSOCIATES

SOMEHOW DEDUCING THAT I COLLUDED WITH THE FEDS.

- HEY, LOOK ON THE BRIGHT SIDE. WE'RE HALFWAY HOME.

ONCE YOU GET TO THE AIRPORT, YOU CAN GET ON A PLANE

TO SOMEWHERE THAT NO ONE HAS EVER EVEN HEARD OF JOEY D AMICO.

BEST WAY TO DO THAT IS FAR AWAY FROM HERE.

WITNESS PROTECTION, LIKE WE DISCUSSED.

- ALL RIGHT, WELL, ONE STOP, THEN WE CAN GO.

FIVE, TEN MINUTES.

GET IN.

SO TELL ME ABOUT THIS NEW JOB

YOU HAVE UNDERCOVER WITH THE FBI.

- YOU SEE, MAMA, THAT'S KIND OF THE REASON I'M HERE.

ME AND AGENT "W" HERE,

WE'VE GOT TO GO ON AN ASSIGNMENT, DEEP UNDERCOVER.

WOW.

- YOU PROBABLY WON'T SEE ME FOR A WHILE.

IT'S FBI STUFF.

IT'S VERY HUSH-HUSH.

- YOU'RE GONNA GO, AND YOU RE GONNA LEAVE YOUR MAMA ALL ALONE?

WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

- YOU WANT TO HELP ME OUT HERE, AGENT "W"?

- MAMA, I KNOW IT'S A LOT TO BEAR,

BUT AMERICA NEEDS ITS BEST FBI AGENT ON THIS CASE.

AND THAT MAN IS JOEY D AMICO.

OH, I LOVE YOU. OH.

HEY, AGENT "W", BETTER EAT UP.

YOU'RE GONNA HURT HER FEELINGS.

- TROOP 217 SHOULD VE NEVER BEEN CHARTERED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

- THE WAY I REMEMBER IT WAS YOUR DAUGHTER, JOCELYN,

THAT COVERED YOUR UNIFORM IN THAT FROSTING MAKEOVER.

AFTER YOUR DAUGHTER

INSTIGATED THIS ENTIRE MESS WITH HER BASELESS ACCUSATION.

SALLY WAS OUT OF LINE.

- OUT OF LINE IS ONLY THE HALF OF IT.

YOUR TROOP CONSISTENTLY DISPLAYS AN ILL-MANNERED DISREGARD

FOR EVERYTHING THAT A SUNNY--

- LADIES, I DON'T KNOW WHY IT IS THE TWO OF YOU

CAN'T WORK WITH EACH OTHER.

BUT FROM NOW ON, YOU'RE GOING TO GET ALONG.

SUNNYDALE IS WHERE THE SUNNY GIRLS WERE BORN BACK 1896.

THIS IS OUR HOME.

THE WINNER OF THIS FUNDRAISING DRIVE WILL BE THE FACE

OF THE SUNNY GIRLS ALL OVER THE COUNTRY.

MAY THE BEST TROOP WIN.

- WE'RE REALLY SORRY, MS. CLAYTON.

SUPER SORRY.

IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.

IT'S ALL ON ME.

- WE JUST HAVE TO TRUST THAT WE'LL WIN

IF WE MAKE THE BETTER SWEETS.

- HOW ARE WE GONNA DO THAT IF THEY'RE ALWAYS CHEATING?

SALLY,

TOMORROW S A FRESH START.

WE'LL JUST CHALK TODAY UP TO EXPERIENCE.

- YES, MA AM. - YES, MS. CLAYTON.

OKAY.

- MS. CLAYTON, IS SALLY GONNA BE OKAY?

YES. SHE'LL BE FINE.

NOW YOU GIRLS RIDE HOME SAFE, BECAUSE TOMORROW MORNING,

WE BAKE.

all: YES!

- WHERE CAN WE GET A BITE TO EAT

AROUND THIS SLEEPY LITTLE TOWN HERE?

JUST MOVED IN?

IT APPEARS SO.

- I'M SALLY. MY MOM AND I, WE LIVE UP THE STREET.

WELCOME TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD. - WELL, THANK YOU, SALLY.

I'M JOEY...TANNENBAUM.

IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU. - NICE TO MEET YOU TOO.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, JOEY?

FRIENDLY NEIGHBORS, QUIET STREET.

PRETTY GOOD PLACE FOR A BREAK.

IT'S QUAINT.

- IT'S ONLY UNTIL THE TRIAL STARTS, ALL RIGHT?

JUST REMEMBER RULE NUMBER ONE.

JOEY TANNENBAUM IS MR. LOW PROFILE.

YEAH, YEAH.

JOEY, HOW ABOUT THE KEYS?

PRETTY NICE, HUH?

- IF THIS FEDERAL AGENT THING DON'T WORK OUT FOR YOU,

I KNOW A FEW SHORT-STAY MOTELS

THAT LL SNAP YOU RIGHT UP AS A DECORATOR.

HA-HA.

- YOU DONE THIS BEFORE, WILCOTT, THIS WITNESS RELOCATION RACKET?

NOPE. YOU'RE MY GUINEA PIG.

- KIND OF FILLS ME WITH THE KIND OF CONFIDENCE

THAT MAKES A MAN REEVALUATE HIS LIFE DECISIONS.

LOOK, I KNOW THIS IS HARD.

YOU'RE IN A COMPLETELY DIFFERENT WORLD

THAN THE ONE THAT YOU'RE USED TO.

- THE WORLD I'M USED TO INCLUDES A 67-INCH TV,

A SKYLINE VIEW, A HOT TUB,

A PORSCHE WITH A SLANT NOSE.

YOU DO HAVE A BIKE.

MAYBE I'LL GET A PAPER ROUTE.

- JOEY, YOU'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING.