The Simpsons

So, all in favor of the city of Springfield

no longer celebrating Columbus Day

due to the problematic behavior of Christopher Columbus?

Aye.

All opposed?

Now I'll hand it over to the terrifyingly engaged citizen

who has had her hand up since before the meeting began,

Helen Lovejoy.

I've noticed lately that people have been putting up

quite a few little DIY free libraries

all over town.

What's DIY stand for?

Do it yourself.

I'm trying to but I can't.

Just this past week, six new ones popped up.

Hallelujah!

Think about the consequences, people.

Free books?

What if one of them is the Kama Sutra?

That's just bait for learned perverts.

There is no classical art without the erotic.

- Ew. - You and me got to hang sometime.

I like those little libraries.

Unlike the public school library,

these have books written after 1945.

The children think Iceland is still a kingdom.

Oh, these abominations don't follow the rules

of my neighborhood association.

What if someone paints it an unauthorized shade of white?

Like Swiss coffee.

Homer Simpson here.

Today I'm standing, even in the presence of a chair,

to say what if we took

all the little free book huts

and moved them into one big building

open to everybody?

Do you mean like... a library?

- He's so slow. - Nothing upstairs.

- Aw, what a dummy. - Idiota.

Am I really a stupid man?

I... Well, uh...

Sorry, reflections can't talk. Got to go.

You guys say ideas all the time.

The one time I say one they shoot me down,

just like they shot down the Titanic.

Actually, the Titanic...

Face it, Marge,

you're married to a dummy.

No, a dum-dum.

Oh, this big, beautiful head is full of great ideas

just waiting to be set free.

I might be okay if you do that

for the rest of my life.

I know just the place that will make you feel better.

Did you see how the credit card thing

at the ticket booth told me to remove my card,

like I didn't know how to do it?

Then it got stuck 'cause I didn't know how to do it.

Let's just go home.

We haven't even seen any animals yet.

So? Even the animals will think I'm dumb.

Oh, don't be silly.

That's just the sound hyenas make.

Slow Leonard?

I've always loved that tortoise.

I can't believe Leonard is still alive.

The mighty tortoise.

Dumber than me. Loser to the hare.

The tortoise famously wins that race.

Really? I only read the beginning

of that story really fast.

Then I got tired and took a nap.

I don't see any tortoise.

Excuse me, do you know what happened to Leonard?

Leonard? Huh. I don't see him.

That's weird. Well, the thing about a tortoise is

they're always somewhere.

He must have gotten out. Who's in charge here?

I am the director of the zoo.

Would you like a koala sticker?

Yes, I would. Slow Leonard is missing.

Now, let's not panic, sir.

I don't see him either, but I'm sure

there's some explanation.

We'll look into it.

Look into it?

I know when I'm being talked down to.

- You think I'm dumb, don't you? - No,

I don't, but do you have a degree in zoology?

No, but I've seen the comedy classic Zookeeper

- 19 times. - I love that movie.

I don't need your approval,

and neither does Sylvester Stallone,

as the voice of Joe, the African lion.

A tortoise is missing,

and this dumb guy

is gonna find him.

There we go. A recent picture.

Mom, it's late, I'm worried.

Why isn't Dad at Moe's? Is Moe all right?

He's fine. Your dad's been looking for clues

in those zoo pictures all night.

Come on, buddy, you're smart enough to crack this.

Dolly tire tracks.

I bet someone used a dolly to cart Leonard off.

And those treads are clearly from a Haul-Pro convertible

with a weight cap of 500 pounds.

Wow, Dad, how did you figure that out?

Eh, yep, well, your dad knows

a thing or two about dollies.

Drive safe, ya bum.

I think you'll find these photos

more than enough proof to open a missing turtle investigation.

Wow, Homer, you're right.

These photos are incredible evidence.

- Really? - Evidence of how dumb you are.

I just love it when regular people think

they can solve crimes.

It's like a dog thinking he can mow the lawn.

- Aw. - Look at...

Hey.

No one takes me seriously.

You know, there's a lot of specific interest groups

on Facelook.

I'm in one about knitting mug cozies

with a little window so you can read the funny message

on the mug.

Why don't you check to see if there's a group

about Leonard's case?

Social media? Is that website still on?

Hey, there is a missing tortoise group here.

It's called Lost Leonard!

But what if they say I'm stupid

or drag me in the comments?

Do you know how scary it is in this climate

to be a dumb white man?

You care about that turtle.

I think you'll feel better if you try.

The police don't believe me,

but I'm posting some photos that I think prove

that Slow Leonard has been kidnapped.

Dad, they're agreeing with you.

They think Leonard was stolen, too.

Really? Oh, my God.

A group of anonymous cyber sleuths

don't think I'm an idiot.

They like what I said.

That tickles.

The Internet thinks I'm smart.

Okay, this is Homer S. live streaming

to the Lost Leonard Facelook group

from the scene of the crime. Are we all on?

How convenient.

They're replacing Leonard with a much more

Instagrammable animal.

One that can fit into baby clothes.

Maybe we have our motive.

- Of course. - Brilliant.

Thanks, guys. I do what I can,

which is a lot.

Look at this, dream team.

A video doorbell across the street from the zoo.

How convenient.

Oh. It's actually very convenient.

Simpson, what can I do for you?

For us. I don't know if you've heard the terrible news

that Slow Leonard has been kidnapped.

What?! Not Leonard.

Why couldn't they have taken one of those damn

barking seals instead?

When do you monsters sleep?!

I'm a member of a team of cyber sleuths

searching for Leonard.

Can we look at your door camera footage?

Oh, of course. And, um,

I'd love to join the group.

But, uh, you guys probably already have,

uh, a superintendent.

We do now.

Marge. Marge.

Marge, fan out those cocktail napkins.

Or did you not watch the TikTok I sent you?

Calm down.

I've never seen you this excited

for a meet and greet.

Yeah, so who's coming to this thing again?

Internet randos?

Let me tell you something, son.

Every human being is born an Internet rando.

And then they stay Internet randos

until they connect over a cause.

And then and only then do they achieve

their full potential and become not random.

Dad, is that really...

Duh, yes. Paella.

What do you think all this toasted saffron is for?

You've never toasted us anything.

Not even toast.

I don't need to show off for you, Marge.

You already bought the cow.