Queer As Folk

Okay.

So I'm a gay man with a superhero fetish.

Yes, we're out there.

And, no, it doesn't have anything to do with immaturity.

I think we gay boys learn important lessons

from comic books.

One... there are a lot of villains out there,

so you better develop some secret powers.

Two... if you have a good body, you can wear tight clothes.

And three... it's always good to be part of a dynamic duo.

- I totally blew it. - Don't worry.

There's still plenty of creepy old men out there

who'd love to get in your pants.

He wasn't that old.

He wasn't creepy. He was nice.

My first doctor.

Chiropractor.

That counts...

I think.

Uh, we got in the new Catwoman.

Cool.

He takes me to this really nice restaurant.

I behave like a fucking idiot...

Dressed up like some slick asshole.

Hey, that was my $1,200 leather jacket.

It wasn't me.

You know why? 'Cause I'm nobody.

That's my problem.

Are you even listening to me?

I tune out self-pity. It makes my dick soft.

And we wouldn't want that...

Would we?

Just forget I said anything.

Oh, wow. Look.

It's the new Electra woman doll.

I'm going to buy this for Gus.

Don't.

I don't want a gay kid.

He's being raised by two lesbians.

He's going to need a feminine influence.

Besides, it'll be a collector's item.

Well, I'll take it.

I'm going over there.

I'll go too.

No.

You're going back to the doctor.

Tell him you want to give it another try.

Does your mom know you're out buying jewelry?

She's totally cool with everything,

or at least she's pretending to be because she's scared

I'll run away and become a hairdresser.

I hate you.

My mom's such a bitch,

and I haven't even given her a reason yet.

How about these?

- They're totally queer. - Shut up.

They're a symbol of our friendship.

Okay. Thanks.

Actually, I don't have any money.

I had to buy a new fake I.D.

Look! That's them...

Brian's lesbians.

Hey!

Hey.

How's it going?

I'm sorry. Do we know you?

I'm Justin...

Brian's friend.

I was there the night Gus was born.

I named him.

- Yeah. - Oh, right.

So, when Gus ends up pumping gas,

we'll have you to thank.

- This is Daphne. - Hi.

I'm not a lesbian, but I... I'm a big fan.

He's gotten so big already.

Oh, well, you would too

if all you did was sleep and eat all day.

He does.

He's, like, the cutest baby I've ever seen.

If you ever need a babysitter...

Don't say that unless you mean it.

And if you need any help carrying stuff to the car,

I'd be glad to be of assistance.

Wow, you're good for 1,001 uses.

I'll see you later?

I don't know.

I'm out.

At work?

That's fabulous.

Out of the scene, I mean.

I made up my mind...

No more bars, no more baths, no more clubs.

You'll never see my face at Babylon again.

Oh, please.

You can't let one little drug-induced coma

get you down.

What do you think?

You look unbelievably trashy.

Talked me into it.

I'll buy it.

You missed my point entirely.

Everything we do, even the clothes we wear,

is a conscious, or worse yet,

unconscious attempt to get laid.

Yes, it's true.

There is an overemphasis on sex.

But why not buy two sizes too small and go with it?

Because, tragically,

some of us were not born to wear Lycra.

Here, check out the personals.

Perhaps you'll find someone to not go out with.

You know, one thing I never understood about these ads...

Why is it always "tit work" and "ass play"?

If you ask me, it's a lot harder to...

Hey, look at this, at the center.

"Date Bait...

meet other single gay men

in a civilized evening of conversation.

No pickups, no face-to-face rejection."

They have an over-30 night.

Where, at the morgue?

Just for that, you're going with me.

I am not over 30.

And I am not going alone.

I didn't realize we had scheduled a follow-up visit.

We didn't. I told them it was an emergency.

- What's the problem? - I'm a jerk.

Can you adjust that?

Provided it's not a permanent condition.

See, the thing is, I don't date very often.

You know, real "eat a meal, talk,

stare into each other's eyes" kind of dates.

So I... I kind of freaked.

And I'm sorry I was such an asshole.

You weren't an asshole.

Believe me, I've seen assholes and...

I mean, uh...

I feel shitty about it.

And...

I really like you.

And I think you might actually have liked me.

I do like you.

You do?

Well...

Do you think we could start over?

Sit down.

You're adorable, you know that?

I got something for Gus.

That's so sweet.

We'll call Michael later to thank him.

How long have you been drawing?

My mom brought me crayons when I was still in the crib.

- Hmm. - I never stopped.

What's he doing here?

We ran into each other on the street.

It was, like, this weird coincidence.

I bet.

You know, these are good.

That's what my mom says.

Lindsay's an art teacher.

For someone your age,

you have an amazing feel for the human form.

I've noticed that myself.

Look at this.

Oh, don't show him.

Oh.

Mmm.

When did you draw that?

When you were asleep.

Ah, circumcised...

Just like I thought.

You know, there's going to be an art show at the GLC.

What's that?

The Gay and Lesbian Center...

Safe haven for fags who can't get laid.

You know, it might be good to get out

and meet some nice young men for a change.

It's the annual fund-raiser.

Melanie and I are on the board.

Would you like to have your work in the show?

You mean people seeing my stuff?

- Yeah. - That'd be intense.

But, yeah.

Good.

Give him some activities, so he'll stop stalking me.

Don't flatter yourself.

We like Justin.

Justin can stay.

We'll make sure everyone comes,

including you.

Write down the numbers

of the men you're interested in.

And if the computer matches you up,

you have to go out on a date.

Those are the rules.

Hi. Uh, my name is Bruce.

I'm a little nervous.

I only came out about a year ago.

I like, uh, Ben & Jerry's Chubby Hubby...