South Park

I'm goin' down to South Park.

Gonna have myself a time.

Friendly faces everywhere.

Humble folks without temptation

I'm goin' down to South Park.

Gonna leave my woes behind.

Ample parking day or night.

People spouting, "Howdy neighbor".

Headin' on up to South Park, gonna see if I can't unwind.

Come on down to South Park and meet some friends of mine.

I am so sick of that stupid bitch.

Blabbing, prissy little skank!

Why do people talk on their phone like that?

I can't even get a minute of peace

before that bitch walks in

holding the cell phone out like this

and talking on speakerphone.

Nobody wants to hear your goddamn conversations,

you little bitch.

You're not that important!

Yeah, no, dude, I'm telling you,

it was the worst pain in my entire life.

How many hours were you guys playing?

Like, six hours, dude,

and my friends were all like, "Dude, Cartman,

we need you to keep playing defense."

- Argh! - You were playing football?

Yeah, but I was like,

"I can't, you guys. I twisted my ankle."

In the end, though, they really needed me to play,

so I just played through the pain, you know what I'm saying?

That is not what happened!

You totally started crying and quit the game!

Kyle, this is a private conversation.

Then take that shit off speakerphone!

Is that that same kid?

Yeah, it's that kid Kyle again.

He's a total boner,

always listening in on my phone calls.

How do we have a choice?

Stop listening to my conversation, Kyle!

What are you, the NSA?

Lawrence, remember I was telling you how the government

listens to everyone's phone calls and reads all our emails?

Yeah, yeah, you said that.

My dad said the government keeps a database on everyone.

- Who is that? Is that Toby? - Yeah.

Dude, Toby, are you over at Lawrence's?

- Yeah, we're ditching school. - You're what? What'd you say?

Me and Toby are ditching school!

I'm telling you guys.

The government thinks they can do whatever they want,

and we don't have any privacy anymore.

Just between you and me, I think everyone's too stupid

to see what this is all leading to.

Did you guys read 1984?

I don't think so.

Yeah, I didn't read it either,

but I saw the puppet show version at Casa Bonita.

We have to do something about this.

We need to organize a rally.

- That'd be cool. - That'd be what?

- It'd be cool! - I know, right?

A big rally to tell the government

to stay out of our private lives!

I'm gonna email everybody and put it up on my blog pages.

I seriously feel like I'm being spied on right now.

I'm sure the government has a file on me a mile long.

That's why this is so important, you know?

Hang on, I'm gonna make a video blog

for my "Stop Listening to Me" website.

What's up, everybody?

It's me again just kicking it at my school.

There's gonna be a big rally to tell the government

to stop gathering information on us.

Gonna tweet you all the details,

but keep quiet 'cause it's top secret.

You guys gonna update your blogs too?

Dude, I really can't hear you, Lawrence.

Are you outside or something?

I said I got your tweet of the address.

Okay, well, put Toby back on the phone.

You got to start Googling everyone

the directions to the rally site.

Toby, you there, bro? - Yeah, I'm here, bro.

Bro, you got to, um, email Dex about the rally

and see if he'll bring petition forms.

Will you please take your rally conversation

somewhere else?

Oh, hell no, you did not just invade my privacy again.

That is the last straw, Kyle!

Everybody! Everybody, hey!

Just so you know, we might have an NSA agent

right here at our school.

What's the NSA?

Yeah, just so you know,

the government is watching everything you do-

always watching.

They say it's to keep us safe,

but what price is safety, Kyle?

The government watches everything we do?

Hello?

Hey, government.

It's me, Butters.

I just want to say, well-

well, thanks for watching over me

and doing everything you do.

And please watch over Mommy and Daddy

and my friends, Stan and Kyle, Craig and Token,

and even of Eric Cartman.

I know he can be a meanie sometimes,

but please watch over him too.

Good night, government.

Oh, yeah.

And thank you, President Obama,

for making me feel so safe and looked after.

And if it wouldn't be too much trouble,

I'd really like to get a puppy for Christmas this year.

Night, government.

Dude, they have gone too far this time!

There is no doubt the government is tracking me.

We're gonna have to put off the rally.

- They're spying on you? - Yeah, it's right here.

I went to Amazon to see if they had Grand Theft Auto V,

and it says, "You might also be interested

in the Blu-ray for Star Trek."

I'm totally interested in the Blu-ray for Star Trek.

How did they know that unless the government

is keeping tabs on me?

This is war, bro.

Forget the rally. We have to go hard-core.

Like what?

All right, listen.

I'm gonna get a job at the NSA,

and then I'm gonna put all their secrets up on Twitter.

Nah, don't do that.

No, dude, I'm gonna sneak into their headquarters

disguised as an employee, and I'm gonna-

Hey, hang on a second, Lawrence.

I think we have a nosy Nancy in the room.

Dude, my Twitter account might already be compromised.

If I'm going to infiltrate the NSA

and get all their secrets out to the public,

then I'm gonna need something better than Twitter.

You need that new thing where you don't need to type.

What, they already have something better than Twitter?

You haven't seen the Alec Baldwin commercial?

No. What Alec Baldwin commercial?

Hello, I'm Alec Baldwin, and I love social media.

But sometimes I accidentally tweet things

that are homophobic.

I don't think that way. I just type that way.

That's when I realized

it wasn't me that was homophobic,

it was my thumbs.

And they needed to be gotten rid of.

Dah! Dow!

So then the problem was, I don't have thumbs,

but I know that everyone in America

still wants to hear everything I have to say.

Well, that's okay, because now there's a device

that can actually take the thoughts in your head

and send them directly to the Internet.

It's called Shitter.

Wires are grafted harmlessly into your skull,

and any thought you have is uploaded to the Internet

and on to all your Shitter followers.

I'm at a Yankees game right now.

God, I love baseball.

People who take their cats on planes should be shot.

I'm at a really great musical right now.

In 1992, I had sex with the queen of Monaco.

I had my entire fist up her ass.

Don't let your social media

slow down your need to communicate with the world.

Go direct from thought to Internet with Shitter.

Just finished my Shitter commercial.

Time to go find a pussy sandwich.

All right, what's up, everybody, what's up?

I'm about ready to go to the NSA undercover

and see if I can expose some of their secrets.

You can follow me on my Shitter account

Wait. Shh. I got to be careful.

Kyle is here, and I'm pretty sure he's trying to listen in.

- What the hell are you doing? - Kyle, if you wouldn't mind,

this broadcast is for my Shitter followers only.

- What's Shitter? - Don't know if you've heard,

but the government is actually able to monitor

all our emails and Twitter accounts.

With Shitter, I don't even need a cell phone.

My thoughts are sent directly to the Internet

and then to everyone else on Shitter.

- Wow! - Yes.

Now as I infiltrate the NSA,

I'll be able to broadcast everything

to all my Shitter followers.

You're okay with everything you think

going up on the Internet.

Yeah, because the government won't respect my privacy.

How many people are on Shitter?