Parks and Recreation

- 2020. - THAT'S A STRETCH.

- FINE. 2024.

I WIN, WE MOVE IN THERE.

I'LL TAKE THE WEST WING. YOU TAKE THE EAST WING.

YOU CAN BE THE FIRST GENTLEMAN.

- ACTUALLY, THAT SOUNDS KIND OF GREAT.

THANKS FOR COMING WITH ME TO GET MY STUFF.

- HOW COULD I PASS UP AN OPPORTUNITY

TO LOOK AT OUR FUTURE HOUSE?

OH, JUST REMEMBERED.

I KIND OF GOT YOU AN ENGAGEMENT PRESENT.

IS IT A WAFFLE TOWER?

- I MEAN, IT'S A LITTLE BETTER THAN THAT.

CLAUDIA WELDERS.

- UH, THAT-- HOW DID--

HOW DID YOU DO THIS? - CALLED IN A FEW FAVORS.

EXCUSE ME.

A FEW HUNDRED FAVORS.

MR. VICE PRESIDENT.

BEN WYATT FROM CONGRESSMAN MURRAY'S OFFICE.

- HEY, BEN. DAVE TOLD ME YOU WERE GONNA BE COMING BY.

AND YOU MUST BE LESLIE KNOPE.

WELCOME. WELCOME. -

YOU'RE--MY NAME JUST CAME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH.

WELL, YEAH, IT DID.

THIS ISN'T HAPPENING.

THIS ISN'T REAL.

NO, IT'S HAPPENING,

AND I'M DELIGHTED TO HAVE YOU HERE.

ON BEHALF OF THE PRESIDENT AND MYSELF,

I WANTED TO-- - OH, MR. VICE PRESIDENT,

I AM DEEPLY FLATTERED,

BUT THERE'S NO WAY THAT I COULD TAKE OVER

MADAM SECRETARY CLINTON'S POSITION.

I MEAN-- - I'M CONFIDENT

YOU COULD DO THAT JOB OR ANY OTHER, BUT--

OKAY, I WILL.

- WELL, THE REASON YOU'RE HERE IS I'M TOLD

YOU'VE DONE SUCH A GREAT JOB

IN YOUR TOWN AND IN THE STATE OF INDIANA,

AND I JUST WANT TO SAY CONGRATULATIONS

FOR YOUR PUBLIC SERVICE.

- AND I JUST WANT TO SAY THANK YOU.

- WELL, YOU-- YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.

YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.

HEY-- Y-YOU'RE VERY WELCOME.

- YOU'RE VERY HANDSOME. - I THINK WE'RE ALL DONE.

- WELL, YOU'RE VERY NICE. - OKAY. THANK YOU.

- THANK-- THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- THANK YOU VERY MUCH. WE'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

- WELL-- OH, WELL, YOU WILL?

- THANK YOU, MR. VICE PRESIDENT.

Y-YOU'RE WELCOME.

- YOU DON'T LET ANYTHING HAPPEN TO HIM, YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

HE IS PRECIOUS CARGO.

*

- YEAH, IT'S ACTUALLY THE SAME ACCOUNTING FIRM I ALMOST JOINED

LAST YEAR, AND THEY GAVE ME A GREAT PACKAGE--

THREE WEEKS OF VACATION, MATCHING 401(k),

AND A PRETTY SWEET WINDBREAKER.

- WOW. - I'M GETTING MARRIED,

AND I WANTED A GOOD STABLE JOB,

SO I'M GOING BACK TO ACCOUNTING.

SO JUST CALL ME BOND,

MUNICIPAL BOND.

YEAH, THAT JOKE KILLED AT THE ACCOUNTING FIRM.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

IF IT ISN'T MR. LOOKS AND PROFESSOR BOOKS.

HE'S LOOKS. - I GOT IT.

- OF COURSE YOU DO, BOOKS. WHAT'S GOING ON?

- WELL, FUN FACT: BEN JUST GOT AN AMAZING ACCOUNTING JOB.

I HAVE TO GO TO A MEETING.

MY UNCLE JUST HAD A STROKE.

WELL, I'M OFF.

- THIS IS ACTUALLY A CRAZY COINCIDENCE.

I HAVE A NEW COMPANY

AND COULD USE YOUR HELP ON THE MATH SIDE OF THINGS.

- OH, WHAT'S THE NEW COMPANY? - WE SPECIALIZE IN MAKING STACKS

ON STACKS ON STACKS ON STACKS.

- RIGHT. PASS.

I'M KIDDING.

IT'S A REAL IDEA.

SO GET THIS--

KIDS ARE ALWAYS GROWING OUT OF THEIR CLOTHES,

SO THEIR PARENTS DON'T WANT TO BUY 'EM NICE THINGS.

I'M GONNA RENT MY UPSCALE CLOTHING

TO MIDDLE SCHOOL KIDS, BECAUSE I DISCOVERED

I'M ROUGHLY THE SAME SIZE AS THE AVERAGE PAWNEE 12-YEAR-OLD.

- THAT'S ACTUALLY A REALLY GREAT IDEA.

- I KNOW. CAN YOU TAKE A LOOK AT THE BUSINESS PLAN,

TELL ME WHAT YOU THINK?

- SURE. WHY NOT? - AWESOME.

WASHINGTON, D.C. HAS

MORE DOG PARKS PER CAPITA THAN MOST CITIES.

PAWNEE ONLY HAS TWO DOG PARKS--

THIS ONE AND THAT ONE,

WHICH IS ALSO AN ACTIVE PARKING LOT.

- CAN YOU SAY "PER CAPITA" AGAIN?

I WANT TO TAKE A PICTURE OF YOU SAYING "PER CAPITA."

- STOP. - I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.

NOW STAND NEXT TO THE SCREEN AND THINK ABOUT

ALL THE STRONG FEMALE ROLE MODELS IN YOUR LIFE.

- GROSS. - APRIL CAME TO ME

WITH AN IDEA TO BUILD A DOG PARK IN PAWNEE.

I RECOGNIZED HER POTENTIAL A LONG TIME AGO,

AND SHE'S FINALLY LIVING UP TO IT.

I MEAN, I AM SO PROUD OF HER,

I COULD CRY.

AND...HERE WE GO.

ONE TINY CRITIQUE.

IF YOU DO WANT TO BE TAKEN SERIOUSLY,

YOU MIGHT WANT TO THINK A LITTLE BIT

ABOUT HOW YOU PRESENT YOURSELF.

NO, THIS IS PUBLICITY

FOR ORIN'S NEW PERFORMANCE ART SHOW.

HE'S AN ANIMAL LIVING ON A HUMAN FARM.

AND YOU CAN GO AND FEED HIM FROM YOUR OWN HAND.

- UGH, THAT'S HORRIFYING,

AND SO IS ORIN.

YOU SHOULD NOT BE FRIENDS WITH HIM.

- SO, AFTER REVIEWING ALL THE OPTIONS,

I FOUND THAT THE BEST LOCATION FOR THE DOG PARK

IS LOT 48,

THE ONE BEHIND ANN'S HOUSE.

NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO PUT A PARK THERE FOR FOUR YEARS.

SEE, THE THING IS, APRIL, THAT LOT IS MINE.

I'VE BEEN DOING SLOW, PAINSTAKING WORK

SO I DON'T WANT TO WHIP OUT THE LEGALESE ON YOU NOW,

BUT I GOT DIBS.

WHAT WE ARE GONNA DO

IS WE'RE GONNA TAKE YOUR ENTHUSIASM,

WE'RE GONNA BUNDLE IT UP,

AND WE'RE GONNA FIND A NEW PLACE FOR A DOG PARK.

DOESN'T THAT SOUND FUN?

ONE, TWO, THREE, CHEESE. GOOD GIRL.

GOOD MORNING, ANDY.

- OKAY, SOMETHING IS DIFFERENT ABOUT MY COMPUTER.

AHA. IT'S GONE.

A GAME IS THE FOOT.

SEE, PART OF THE POLICE ACADEMY ENTRANCE EXAM

IS INVESTIGATING A CRIME.

SO ABOUT A MONTH AGO I TOLD EVERYONE IN THE OFFICE

THAT, AT SOME POINT, THEY SHOULD STEAL SOMETHING

FROM MY DESK SO I COULD PRACTICE.

LET'S DO THIS.

WAIT, HEY, DID YOU GUYS TAKE MY GLASSES TOO?

THEY GOT MY SUNGLASSES TOO.

- I WAS IN MIAMI LAST WEEKEND.

I TOOK MY TALENTS TO SOUTH BEACH.

- HOW DO YOU SPEND YOUR TIME IN MIAMI?

MAYBE FENCING STOLEN COMPUTERS?

- YES, I TOOK YOUR GOVERNMENT COMPUTER

FROM INDIANA TO MIAMI

TO SELL IT ON THE BLACK MARKET

FOR 150 BUCKS.

- HA-HA, YOU DON'T KNOW IT, BUT YOU JUST GAVE YOURSELF AWAY.

- GOTTA SAY, I'M IMPRESSED.

YOUR MISSION STATEMENT MADE SENSE,

AND YOU DIDN'T USE ONE R. KELLY LYRIC.

YES.

SO YOU WANT TO BE MY CFO?

WELL, I ALREADY HAVE A JOB,

BUT I'LL HELP AS A FRIEND.

AS LONG AS YOU TAKE WHAT I SAY SERIOUSLY.

I DON'T WANT ANOTHER ENTERTAINMENT 720 DISASTER

ON OUR HANDS.

YEAH, IT WAS A DISASTER.

TOO BAD WE DIDN'T SEE IT COMING.

ALL RIGHT, WHAT'S MY FIRST MOVE?

- YOU KNOW, I THINK ANY OF THE FOUR PREVIOUS LOCATIONS

WOULD WORK, BUT THERE'S SOMETHING ABOUT THIS PLACE.

IT JUST HAS A REALLY GOOD ENERGY HERE,

YOU KNOW? LOTS OF NATURAL LIGHT.

- IT'S TINY AND AWFUL AND LOUD.

AND IT'S ZONE 14B, INDUSTRIAL WASTE CLEAN-UP SITE.

WE SHOULD TECHNICALLY BE WEARING HAZMAT SUITS RIGHT NOW.

- IT SEEMS LIKE THE KIND OF PLACE A SKA BAND WOULD GO

TO SHOOT HEROIN.

- COME ON, GUYS, THIS IS A GREAT PLACE FOR A DOG PARK.

I MEAN, LOOK, THERE'S ALREADY A DOG HERE.

- OH, MY GOD. I HAD THAT EXACT DOLL

WHEN I WAS A KID.

THIS IS-- THIS IS TRAUMATIC FOR ME.

- WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT LOT 48 IS THE ONLY ONE THAT WORKS.

AND I'M DEFINITELY BRINGING IT UP

AT THE NEXT CITY COUNCIL MEETING.

- APRIL, PLEASE, I BEG OF YOU,

I WILL DO ANYTHING TO KEEP YOU FROM DOING THAT.

- OKAY. SAW OFF YOUR PINKY TOE.

- NO. - SHAVE YOUR HEAD.

- NO. - HAVE SEX WITH JERRY.

NO.

- WELL, I TRIED TO BE REASONABLE.

I HAVE CREATED A MONSTER.

AND NOW I NEED TO DESTROY HER.

WHAT DO I DO, JOE?

WELL, LESLIE,

LOOK INTO MY EYES, TAKE A DEEP BREATH,

AND EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE.