Superstore

So we still don't know if the raccoons have a key

or if someone is letting them into the safe.

And finally, good news:

Mateo's bond hearing has been scheduled.

- Oh, cool. - Oh, cool, nice.

His aunt's bringing his lawyer by

to get a statement from me today.

Remember, anything you say can and will

be used against you in a court of law.

Excellent point, but she's just providing

a character testimony to help with his case.

Yeah, all I have to do is tell him

that Mateo is a vital employee.

Oh, that's how they get you.

Next thing you know, they'll be asking you,

"Where were you April 25th?"

and you'll be like, "I don't know,"

and then they'll be like, "Well, then",

why are your fingerprints all over this dead body?"

- Amy, please be careful. - Yes.

Okay, I will be careful

in case Mateo's immigration lawyer

wants to frame me for murder.

- Yes. - Also, uh...

Carol will be out for a few days due to personal reasons.

By personal reasons, do you mean

she had a mental breakdown when she found out

Sandra and Jerry got engaged?

Oh, do you think she's planning to "Gone Girl" Sandra?

I think she'd have to "Gone Girl" Jerry.

What's the one with the girl on the train?

- "The Girl on the Train." - Right.

Maybe she's gonna do that to Sandra.

- Put her on a train? - Oh, man, could you imagine?

- Sorry I'm late, everybody. - Oh!

Thank God. We thought you were on a train.

Aww, you guys. You got me a cake?

- No, those are yesterday's donuts. - Oh, I thought

Dina was throwing me a little engagement party,

as, like, a maid of honor thing.

Dina's your maid of honor?

Who else is she gonna ask?

The old lady who spits at her on the bus?

Dina, are you throwing an engagement party?

I have an outfit.

Absolutely not.

Engagement party is not a maid of honor duty.

I printed a list from the Internet.

Or maybe you just want the party to be a surprise?

No. I do not want that.

I'm telling you, do not expect a party.

Right. I won't expect a party.

That's what I just said, Sandra.

Ugh. Good luck, Jerry.

- Amy? - Ms. Liwanag.

- Hi. - Hi.

This is Mateo's immigration lawyer, Richard.

Amy is the store manager

who let my sweet nephew get ripped away from us,

suddenly and traumatically.

Anyway, uh,

thank you for getting Mateo a bond hearing.

When is he gonna be released?

It's hard to say, but it'll help

if we can present Mateo as someone who deserves

to be out on bond while we continue

to fight his deportation.

Well, you know, Mateo is one of our most

exceptional employees.

That's it?

Amy, my baby's future is on the line.

Please, don't mess this up like Mateo says you always do.

W-what? No, I'm...

I'm gonna make him look good.

I prepared a statement and everything.

I was just waiting for you to swear me in or whatever.

Oh, you don't have to be under oath for this.

That's why I said "or whatever."

Tita Irma!

Ah!

Kumusta na po?

Oh, that's right. You two are roommates.

- Mm-hmm. - It's been so good to have him around.

- Ah. - Wait, anak.

- You forgot your lunch, Marcus. - Ah.

Please don't forget to eat, huh?

I do. I forget to eat.

Tita, what would I do without you?

Mwah.

So, do you need me

to stay out of any particular area

while you set up something special?

Sandra, again,

I'm not throwing you an engagement party.

Not today. Not ever.

Okay, whatever you say.

You know, the more you deny that there's a party,

the more she's gonna think it's actually happening.

Well, that's textbook psychosis.

Why don't you just throw her one?

Look, I know you like to be everyone's manic pixie dream girl,

but that's not how I live my life.

And an engagement party is clearly not on my list of duties.

It's just one extra thing.

If I start doing extra things that aren't on the list,

she'll start asking for other things that aren't on the list.

Do you know how many things aren't on the list, Jonah?

Do you want me to actually answer...

Buying her a zoo. Managing the zoo.

Hiring an experienced staff.

Euthanizing the giraffe when it gets sick.

Why are these all zoo-based?

So you want me to start with zoo things and then go to other topics

and then switch back to zoo stuff?

Do you hear yourself?

You're finally emptying Mateo's locker, huh?

You okay?

Yeah, it sucks,

but he's not gonna be able to work here

once he gets out of detention,

so I'm just getting it over with.

Yeah.

I-I forgot my name tag, so...

Got it, Glenn?

Looks like you got it.

Hey, Cheyenne.

I don't want to be insensitive, but Mateo's locker's in

a pretty primo spot there above the ground.

Do you think maybe I could move my stuff into it?

- Oh, yeah, I guess you could. - Hold up.

If anyone's gonna get Mateo's locker, it should be me.

I already took his room

and most of his underwear.

It just makes sense.

Yeah, but my doctor said

that I'm down to my last 100 knee bends.

Hmm, well, you guys both make pretty good arguments.

Let me think about it, and then I'll pick who gets the locker.

- Fair enough. - Okay.

Gah, I forgot my ChapStick.

And then I ended with, "Mateo's dedication

to customer service is unmatched,

and his work ethic is an example for us all."

Oh, did you use my line about how the flag

is made up of the threads of immigrants?

Um, I just wasn't sure that it...

meant anything.

I told them how Mateo and I are BFFs.

Tay-Tay and Tine-Tine: the slut squad.

Wait, you talked to Richard too?

Yeah, and I said how Mateo's always serving up the tea,

like when he told that lost little girl

that she was better off now

because her mommy was hot trash.

Classic slut squad tea.

No, Justine, we're supposed to be proving

that Mateo has good moral character.

Why would you tell the lawyer that?

I was under oath.

No, you're not under oath, Justine!

Everybody knows that!

So? What do you guys think?

Uh, what do we think of what?

I got a brand-new polo.

Can't you smell it?

Fresh out of the bag.

- Oh, yeah, for sure. - A bag, wow.

I just thought I'd look my best because of the, um...

Engagement party.

I can't wait to send pictures to my mom.

I even went out and bought a camera phone.

Yeah, you know what, Sandra, Dina's not...

You look great, Sandra. Doesn't she's look great?

That's the perfect outfit for the party.

Aww, thank you, Jonah, you flirt.

Dude, what are you doing?

You know Dina's not gonna give her a party.

Yeah, I know, but I-I figured

I'd just throw something together.

I mean, look how happy Sandra looks,

and she has so little.

Yeah, exactly. She doesn't expect much.

You don't tell a fish about land.

You just leave it.

You're not gonna leave it, are you?

- Nah, I'm already too excited about it. - Kay.

And I was like, "I think I just broke my tailbone,

can you pull the box off me?"

'Cause I was pinned under this washing machine.

But Mateo was too busy laughing.

That's Mateo for you.

He's got a great sense of humor.

- Hey, Eugene. - Hey.

Um, I need you to go

and scrub the walls.

You got it!

Yes!

He's fun, isn't he?

But I would strike everything he said from the record.

Yeah, I didn't write any of it down.