Alexander the Last

Projector Whirring

- I, Alex, take you, Hellen, to be my lawfully wedded wife,

to have and to hold,

in sickness and health,

for richer, for poorer,

for as long as we both-

for better or worse,

till death do us part.

- I have prepared my own vows for this.

I, Hellen, take you, Alex,

to be my beautiful, wonderful wife

because no one else understands me the way you do.

No one knows where I've come from the way that you do.

I want us to have children together,

and I want them to be best friends,

and I want them to play together every day.

I want to grow old with you and have silver hair

and run around and be crazy...

and be there until you die.

Okay, we're rolling.

Ooh.

You know what?

Let's just go to the verse here

instead of the chorus.

Why do you have to travel?

I'm being- I know it's immature.

Why do I have to travel?

- I'm not actually asking you this.

- I know. - This is a fake question.

- Okay, you got more fake questions?

Yeah.

Do you love me?

That's not a fake question.

It is a fake question.

I know the answer.

- That's not a fake question. - You married me.

You'd be retarded to marry me if you didn't-

if you weren't in love with me.

I just like hearing you say it, if you felt like being like,

"Oh, baby, I'm gonna miss you so much. "

- Oh, baby, I'm gonna miss you so much.

- And then you can say, "Oh, I'm gonna ache. "

I'm gonna ache.

Yeah?

"I'm gonna think about you when I'm singing. "

- I'm gonna think about you when I'm singing.

- And, "I'll feel like I'm starving in the desert. "

- I'll feel like I'm starving in the desert.

- Hi. - Hi, you guys.

- How you doing? - Thanks for coming back.

Thank you so much.

Oh, thank you.

How are you?

Good, how are you?

Good.

It's good to see you guys again.

- Yeah, thanks for having us back.

- Oh, yeah, no, thanks for coming.

So whenever you're ready just-

Do you have any questions?

- Uh, do you want us to, like, mime the stuff of, like,

the headphones or just pretend I'm not putting on headphones?

- Um, whatever you feel comfortable with.

Whatever happens is great.

Okay.

- Yeah. Don't worry about it.

It's kind of obvious.

- I just make it up as I go along.

I mean, I don't know what I'm doing half the time.

Yeah, you do.

No, I don't.

I mean, I do, but it's just-

- You totally know what you're doing.

- If I had any notion of what I thought might be popular,

I'd do that.

But this is what I do.

This is what I have to work with right now.

- Keep going. - Sorry.

- There was talking back there.

Um, it's totally normal.

- I make what I make, and that's what I do.

If I had any notion of what might be popular, I'd do that.

But this is what I do.

This is what I have to work with right now.

- You can go ahead and sit in a chair.

- I feel like you'll be more, that'll be-

- You want me to move it or right here?

- Yeah. Yeah.

Okay.

That's better.

Okay, just keep going.

Yeah, you can grab a chair too, actually.

I really like you guys together so-

just grab a- yeah, exactly.

We'll figure it out.

That's what you do.

It's gonna be good.

- Oh, you guys, this is good.

It's great.

Are you guys-what, did you want to ask something?

- Yeah, at the very end, I'm not sure whether to, sort of,

like, not patronize him, but try to really make him believe

that he's going to figure it out.

- Yeah, there are a lot of different options

you can explore, but I like-

oh, our-

the playwright's wondering where you're from.

You, yeah. Where did you grow up?

Where did I grow up?

In Tennessee.

Oh, baby.

- I know this bra should have some more push up to it.

- Cute. I like that bra.

- I'm totally hanging out. - I really like that bra.

Your hair looks really good with those colors,

all the colors.

Hi, sis.

Hi.

Hi.

Yeah, yeah.

You can just jump back there.

It's so blonde.

- I just got my roots done today for the shoot.

It looks good.

Here, come over here real quick.

Good.

That's nice.

I like it.

That looks really innocent.

And I can see your panty line through the dress,

so it looks really nice.

That's why I wore the black-

And your belly button.

And my belly button.

- That one's scary because I've got my shadow in it.

It looks like I'm looming over you.

Dun-dun-dun.

- I like- ooh, I like that.

My panties?

I do like them.

You can't stay.

You can't stay here.

- I know. I see that.

I know.

You have to go.

When did she get here?

Why is she here?

My sister?

Was she here when I called?

I didn't really call, did I?

'Cause-yeah, maybe when your sister's gone or something.

Okay, all right, go.

Okay.

Thank you.

You don't want the tea?

- Nope. No, definitely not.

- Will you do that baby cry that I taught you?

Your turn.

Okay.

Same time.

I'm creeping myself out.

I know.

- You're a sick sister to teach me such horrible things.

I'm a good sister.

You're a horrible example.

I'm not a horrible example.

I taught you real- that's a really good trick.

Hey, baby, it's me.

Um, I'm calling- I have a question to ask you.

Um, I was wondering if it would be okay with you if the guy

I'm working with crashed over here sometimes

'cause he's, like, couch hopping and stuff

and he doesn't even really have

a great place-just because we're rehearsing late a lot.

And I just wanted to make sure it was okay with you

if he- if he crashed.

Um, I'm sure-yeah, I'm sure you'll be fine with it.

I'm just letting you be in the know.

Okay, so I love you,

and I hope the tour is going well.

Call me when you get some free time.

Okay, uh...

Hang on, hang on.

Hello?

But you've missed the call.

He puts the phone down.

Then from out the door he hears a voice calling him,

his girlfriend, Ellie.

- Hey, Oliver, I need some help.

- With much ado, and much bumping and stumbling,

the duo make their way up the stairs

back into the apartment,

each carrying one end of a massive wooden table.

They maneuver their way through the door.

Oh, he kicks the box he was carrying earlier out of the way.

Let's just set it down here.

- So just keep going with "Jesus"

at the bottom of the page.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- Oh, sorry. - That's okay.