The Other Half

England!

England!

It's time.

I can't do it, Boss.

What?!

Come on, son.

I love her.

This is bigger than that! This is the big one!

You've got tickets to see England play in the Euros!

Everything we've dreamed about and now we're there! We're there!

We're so close. Think about the crowd.

The fans. The atmosphere.

Just take a deep breath.

She doesn't have to know.

We stay focused.

Get the job done.

What are you thinking about?

I'm thinking...

where the hell are we going?

Cut it out. We're going to Hawaii.

Jamaica?

- Better not be Vegas. -What's wrong with Vegas?

It's England, isn't it?

My dad is paying for us to go to England on our honeymoon.

I can't believe you've guessed England. I mean, of all the long shots.

Portugal.

Portugal.

Oh, Mark.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Come on.

Come on. I know you're here.

Yes!

Come on! Come on!

There she is. Look at ya.

Sorry, what? I didn't hearyou? What, sorry?

What, tickets forthe England games?

Surely not. What, three tickets forthe...

Oh, absolutely blinding.

Yes! Yes! Yes! Come on! Come on!

Look at me.

You're going to get away with this.

No one's gonna be any the wiser.

Bosh!

? Is this your time?

Yes! Here we are again for another classic match,

brought to you by Fly On The Ball.

All eyes are on Mark Lamanuzi from England and his American wife Holly.

They're on honeymoon. He's got tickets to see the England games.

But will she find out? The sun is up and the teams are ready.

Well, there's only one way to get in on the action.

It's over to our commentary team. John Smith-Jones and Alan O'Luan.

Well, Alan, this will be a fascinating contest. Two very strong sides.

Remarkable really that this is the first time these teams have met in Europe.

Who knows which way this one will go?

You can never be sure of anything,

but you can be certain he'll try to get the ball upfield, get an early goal.

She will, of course, stick to her style of play.

Let him come on strong, then slowly chip away at his weak spots.

Well, truly thrilling, we're in for a great game of football.

Check this out, babe. "Dolphins can be viewed by boat all year round."

Oh, baby, swimming with dolphins.

That's so romantic. I've always wanted to do that.

Look at this place.

Mark, it is gorgeous!

Whoo! Oh, this is amazing.

Baby, come here.

Look at this.

I told you I wouldn't let you down, didn't I?

What are you doing? What are you doing?

I think you know what time it is, girl.

What time is it, Daddy?

No!

Ah, babe.

Oh, my God.

It's beautiful.

It's amazing.

Come here.

This is wonderful.

Why don't we just move here?

Sounds perfect.

We stay focused.

Get the job done.

Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land!

Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land!

Will you shut up?!

? Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land!

? Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land!

? Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land!

? Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land!

? Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land!

? Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land!

? Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land!

? Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land!

? Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land!

Can't have been that bad. I would've heard.

They were singing all night. I wanted to kill them.

- They were just lads having fun. - They were being complete assholes.

- My dad was right about soccerfans. - Oh, your dad?

He likes baseball. That hardly gives him the right to lecture anyone.

-What's wrong with baseball? - It's boring and it's crap.

At least the fans know how to behave themselves.

That's cos they're too busy eating.

We were talking about noisy, drunken soccerfans.

There's no such thing.

? Eng-er-land, Eng-er-land!

Shit!

Holly! Holly! Holly, wait!

You were saying?

-Yeah, but... - It's fine, let's just go take a look.

Tickets! Tickets!

This place is really going off.

- Please move. - Can ljust get past?

I know what this is. I think England are playing in Portugal.

- What?! - I know.

I know. What a fucking coincidence.

How...

Look at this, it's amazing.

It's unbelievable, innit?

Check out all these fans. Have you ever been to an England game?

No. I tell you what, I've always dreamed ofit.

If you're lucky enough to get a ticket, it's an Englishman's rite of passage.

I rest my case.

Come on, let's go, before it goes tits up.

-All right, mate? -All right. How's it going?

Not good, bruv, to be honest with ya.

You ain't gonna believe this.

Brilliant! Aticket forthe game. What's wrong with that?

- I can't go. -You can't go?

- No. -Why not?

My wife.

- Your wife? - She doesn't know anything about it.

-Yeah? - She's American, we're on honeymoon.

I thought I could slip in to see a game. She'd go through the roof.

Oh, you poor bastard.

-What did you bring yourwife for? - Cos...

I don't know. I'm in a situation now, though.

Damn right you're in a bloody situation. So what you going to do?

I don't know, man.

I'll tell you what. Go around there, show herthis ticket,

look her in the eye and say "I am going to this game".

This is your destiny.

- I can't do it. -Why?!

Because her dad's paid for everything, that's why, mate.

It's a wrong 'un. I should have told her before.

Yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep, yep.

Just let me think about it.

Got it! Right? Got it. You'll like this.

You go round the corner, talk to yourwife.

I'll come round the corner, pretend to be a ticket tout

sell the ticket to you for 50 euros.

You get to go to the game, she doesn't suspect a thing.

-Yeah? - Genius.

- Sure you're up for it? - Of course, it's England/France.

Right, go.

Hey! Good luck.

-You all right, my princess? - This place just shoots itself.

-Would you look at this wall? - That, my dear, is a properwall.

All right, mate, I was wondering if you wanted to buy a ticket.

-Yeah, mate. -You got a ticket for England/France?

I've been looking everywhere. Come on, how much do you want?

- 100 euros. - Er...

- 100 euros right now. - Erm...

- One hundred euros. - I'll give you 150.

- 150 euros! - 200.

- 200? - Come on, 200.

- Mate, please. - 250!

250 forthe lady!

- Mate. 275, mate. - 275?

- 300! - Holly.

- 300! - 300! Done! Goes to the lady.

-What do you mean "Done"? -Just fuck off!

- I don't care. -We're all done.

400 euros in my wallet says that we are not done.

Come on, mate, please. 400 euros.

OK, 500!

Yes!

Well done, son!

500! There you go.

Thank you.

- Have a good time. - Sweet.

- Thank you. - No problem.

Sorry.

- Are you happy? - You don't know what this means to me.

This is England/France.

I can't believe it. You're the best wife...

Don't forget that.

I will neverforget that. Come on the England!

Awonderful opening period. Action coming from both sides.

A scrappy goal, but well deserved?

Certainly. He had to work hard forthat one.

He put their keeper under pressure. And fending off a counter-attack.

Not one forthe record books, but just the start he hoped for.

Splendid start. He'll be delighted.

One thing's for sure, this will increase the tempo of the game.

It's in the bag. She seemed distracted by the rough reception she was getting.

lfit affects judgment you need to do another line.

-You mean draw the line? - That's what I said, and I mean it.

Thank you, Alan. Another pearl of wisdom from my esteemed colleague.

Where do you think you're going?