Parks and Recreation

- TODAY WE ARE WELCOMING A DELEGATION

FROM THE PARKS DEPARTMENT OF OUR SISTER CITY,

BORAQUA, VENEZUELA.

OUR PHOTO-OP WITH THE MAYOR 00 P.M.,

SO I'M GOING TO NEED YOUR SUGGESTIONS

ABOUT MY WARDROBE ASAP.

- I TOLD YOU-- GOLD-SEQUINED SWEATPANTS.

ALSO, REMEMBER, EVERYONE,

VENEZUELA IS A POOR COUNTRY.

THESE MEN ARE NOT USED

TO THE WEALTH AND FLASH THAT WE HAVE HERE IN CENTRAL INDIANA.

OUR ONLY JOB OVER THE NEXT TWO DAYS

IS TO MAKE THESE MEN FEEL AT HOME.

YES, I AM A LITTLE NERVOUS.

PAWNEE HAS KIND OF A TRICKY HISTORY

WITH WELCOMING FOREIGN VISITORS.

BUT THINGS HAVE CHANGED.

OUR GUESTS ARE GOING TO STAY IN A MOTEL FOR SURE.

*

- OH, GOD, WHAT IF THEY DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH?

APRIL, YOU KNOW SPANISH, RIGHT?

- OH, GOOD. EXCELLENT.

MY MOM'S PUERTO RICAN.

THAT'S WHY I'M SO LIVELY AND COLORFUL.

- OH, MY GOD. HERE THEY ARE.

OKAY, EVERYBODY, CLEAN UP.

PULL YOUR THING UP. EVERYONE JUST BE GOOD.

JERRY, HIT IT.

THIS IS MY BABY.

I PUT THIS WHOLE TRIP TOGETHER.

AND LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING-- IT HAS NOT BEEN EASY.

YOU KNOW, HOW DO YOU FIT ALL OF PAWNEE IN A 48-HOUR VISIT?

I HAD TO DROP

THE ROCK-AND-ROLL BOWLING ALLEY FROM OUR ITINERARY.

THAT WAS ONE OF THE MOST DIFFICULT PHONE CALLS

I'VE EVER HAD TO MAKE.

- HELLO, MOST EXCELLENT REPRESENTATIVES

OF THE GREAT PARKS DEPARTMENT OF BORAQUA, VENEZUELA.

I AM DEPUTY DIRECTOR OF PARKS AND RECREATION

AND CHAIRWOMAN OF THE DEPARTMENTAL AD HOC

SUBCOMMITTEE FOR PIT BEAUTIFICATION, LESLIE KNOPE.

IT'S A PLEASURE TO MEET YOU.

I AM VICE DIRECTOR EJECUTIVO DEL DIPUTADO

DEL DEPARTAMENTO DE PARQUES,

RAUL ALEJANDRO BASTILLA PEDRO DE VELOSO DE MALDONADO.

I'M TOM.

THESE ARE MY COLLEAGUES,

ANTONIO RIVERA-FONSECA, MINISTER OF SMALL FOUNTAINS,

AND ELVIS CORREJA, ADMINISTRATOR OF HEDGES.

AND HE IS?

PAY NO ATTENTION TO HIM.

HE'S OUR INTERN, JHONNY. HE IS WORTHLESS.

WE ARE QUITE TIRED FROM OUR TRIP.

COULD YOU HAVE YOUR SERVANT COLLECT OUR BAGS, PLEASE?

- WHAT DID HE CALL ME? - TOM, PLEASE.

IT'S A DIFFERENT CULTURE, OKAY?

JUST BE A GOOD HOST AND DO THIS FOR ME.

FINE.

- YES, WE WILL GET OUR PATHETIC SERVANT BOY

TO FETCH YOUR LUGGAGE. GO, BOY.

NOW, I KNOW YOU GENTLEMEN HAD A LONG FLIGHT,

BUT I HAVE PREPARED A WELCOME PARTY IN YOUR HONOR.

EXCELLENT, I LIKE TO PARTY.

- WELL, MY JOB IS TO SEE TO YOUR EVERY NEED.

- DO WE JUST, UM, SELECT THE WOMAN WE DESIRE?

I WILL TAKE THE LARGE BLACK ONE.

- INTERESTING CHOICE. - WHAT?

- DO YOU HAVE SOME KIND OF A BOOK

WITH PHOTOS OF THE WOMEN AVAILABLE TO US?

IF NOT, I WILL ALSO TAKE THE SEXY BLACK ONE.

I AM NOT SURPRISED AT ALL.

I'VE BEEN TO SOUTH AMERICA. I DID VERY WELL THERE.

- I THINK THERE MIGHT HAVE BEEN A TRANSLATION PROBLEM.

WHEN I SAID PARTY, I MEANT ONE

THAT DID NOT INCLUDE SEX FOR PAY,

BUT ONE THAT HAD FOOD AND DRINK AND DANCING.

THAT SORT OF THING.

SO NO WOMEN?

NO.

OFF TO KIND OF A WEIRD START.

OH, WE HAVE SO MUCH TO LEARN FROM EACH OTHER.

WHAT KIND OF BIRDS DO YOU GUYS EAT?

CHICKENS.

- US TOO. AMAZING.

WHAT IS THIS?

WATER.

I'MSORRY-- AGUA.

IN OUR COUNTRY GOVERNMENT OFFICIALS

DRINK ONLY BOTTLED WATER.

- WELL, I CAN ASSURE YOU THAT THAT WATER'S

VERY SAFE TO DRINK.

- NO. BOTTLED.

PLEASE. SEND THE BOY.

TOM, GO GET WATER.

LESLIE, COME ON.

FOR YOUR TROUBLES.

YOU GOT IT, CHIEF.

- HEY, APRIL, CAN YOU HELP ME OUT A SECOND?

GO AWAY, JERRY.

OKAY.

- THIS IS A GOLD-PLATED REPLICA OF A GUN HUGO CHAVEZ USED

IN THE 1992 SOCIALIST REVOLUTION.

IT IS A GIFT.

- THIS GUN TRULY SYMBOLIZES THE BLOSSOMING PEACE

BETWEEN OUR TWO NATIONS.

A KEY ASPECT TO DIPLOMACY IS GIFT-GIVING.

THE GIFT HAS TO BE NICE ENOUGH TO HONOR AND RESPECT THE GUEST,

BUT NOT SO NICE THAT IT SHAMES HIM.

PLUS, IT NEEDS TO REPRESENT THE LOCAL CULTURE.

AND I FOUND THE PERFECT THING.

A BOTTLE OF HIGH-FRUCTOSE CORN SYRUP MADE RIGHT HERE

IN PAWNEE'S OWN SWEETUMS FACTORY.

"IF YOU CAN'T BEAT 'EM, SWEETUMS."

SINCE 1891.

AND THREE DOZEN RUBBER BABY-BOTTLE NIPPLES.

ALSO MADE HERE IN PAWNEE.

KERNSTON'S RUBBER NIPPLES.

"TASTES LIKE THE REAL THING."

- YES, AND WE TOO ARE PLEASED TO BE HERE

IN YOUR DIRTY ALLEYWAY.

WE THANK YOU FOR THE CONTAINER OF SAP

AND THE BAG OF GARBAGE.

- HIS ENGLISH ISN'T PERFECT, SO I DON'T THINK HE REALIZES

HOW INSULTING HE'S BEING.

- WE ARE ALSO SISTER CITIES WITH KAESONG, NORTH KOREA.

THEIR TOWN IS FAR NICER.

- THAT'S FINE. IT'S MY JOB. I'M A DIPLOMAT.

I'M NOT SUPPOSED TO TAKE IT PERSONALLY.

- WE HAVEN'T BEEN HERE FOR A VERY LONG TIME,

BUT WHAT WE HAVE SEEN IS REALLY, FROM THE BOTTOM OF OUR HEARTS,

TRULY DEPRESSING.

REALLY, REALLY SAD STUFF.

- I MEAN, THAT'S WHY PEOPLE RESPECT HILLARY CLINTON SO MUCH,

'CAUSE NOBODY TAKES A PUNCH LIKE HER.

SHE'S THE STRONGEST, SMARTEST PUNCHING BAG IN THE WORLD.

- IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE ANTONIO SAID TO ME,

"CAN WE TURN THIS CAR AROUND

"AND SAY WE'RE SICK OR SOMETHING,

OR THAT WE LOST OUR WAY?"

OF COURSE THAT WOULD BE RUDE TO YOU.

WHAT IS YOUR PROFESSION?

I'M A CITY PLANNER.

- THIS CITY WAS PLANNED? -

- ON THE DRIVE IN, I SAW A TATTOO PARLOR

NEXT TO A SCHOOL NEXT TO A TACO BELL.

IT LOOKS LIKE IT WAS DESIGNED BY A VERY STUPID RODENT.

- HE'S ACTUALLY A PRETTY SMART RODENT.

- AH. YOU HAVE A QUICK WIT.

- - YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'VE CHANGED MY MIND. I WILL HAVE YOU FOR THE EVENING.

- OH, BOY.

- SHE'LL GET BACK TO YOU ON THAT.

- POLITICALLY, NO. I DON'T SUPPORT CHAVEZ.

I DESPISE HIM AND EVERYTHING THAT HE DOES.

ON THE OTHER HAND, THIS IS A PRETTY SWEET-ASS GUN.

- THE BANANA YOU WANTED, SEÑOR.

FINALLY.

YOU PEEL.

WHAT?

WITH YOUR HANDS,

YOU PEEL THE BANANA.

- OKAY, LET'S GET STARTED, SHALL WE?

I HAVE A FULL DAY OF ACTIVITIES PLANNED.

- I WOULD LIKE TO SEE WHERE THE CHILDREN

ARE FED THE SWEETENERS.

OUR RESTAURANT?

- AMERICAN CHILDREN ARE FATTENED MORE EFFICIENTLY

THAN ANY OTHER CHILDREN IN THE WORLD.

THEY'RE LIKE LITTLE BASKETBALLS. I MEAN, THEY'RE HUGE.

LITTLE PORKERS.

- OKAY, THIS IS OUR THERMOMETER.

I'M TRYING TO TURN A GIANT DIRT PIT

INTO A COMMUNITY PARK,

BUT I NEED $35,000, AND THE CITY DOESN'T HAVE

ENOUGH MONEY IN ITS BUDGET.

I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

- YOU'VE NEVER HAD A BUDGET SHORTAGE?

- NO.

- VENEZUELA IS BLESSED WITH MASSIVE OIL RESERVES.

MASSIVE, I MEAN, TREMENDOUS, LIKE YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE.

THE STATE SELLS THE OIL,

KEEPS ALL THE MONEY, AND WE BUILD WHATEVER WE WANT.

- WOW, WELL, NOW I DO NOT UNDERSTAND.

- I FEEL THAT MY ENGLISH WAS VERY CLEAR.

SHALL I REPEAT?

VENEZUELA-- VENEZUELA, MY COUNTRY--

HAS A LOT OF OIL. OIL IS FOOD FOR CARS.

- THE VENEZUELANS ARE VERY CONFIDENT PEOPLE.

OKAY, LOOK, I KNOW THESE GUYS DIDN'T TURN OUT

TO BE EXACTLY HOW WE THOUGHT THEY WOULD BE.

- YOU SAID THEY MIGHT NOT KNOW WHAT TOILET PAPER IS.

I'M CALLING AN AUDIBLE.

WE CAN'T BE HUMBLE ANYMORE.

WHAT WE'RE GOING TO DO IS-- WE'RE GOING TO TAKE THEM

TO OUR BEST PARK, AND WE'RE GOING TO BLOW THEIR SOCKS OFF.

- YEAH, I DON'T THINK THAT'S GOING TO BLOW THEIR SOCKS OFF.

FINE, WE'LL GO FURTHER.

WE'LL TAKE THEM TO CHICAGO AND PRETEND IT'S PART OF PAWNEE.

OR NEW YORK.

OR LONDON!