Queer As Folk

Still battling kleptomania, Andrew?

You know, the first step is admitting you have a problem.

Ah, kid's birthday this weekend.

Good thing for our store discount.

Yeah, you could go broke.

Which is why I hope I get that job.

What job?

Didn't you know?

They're making Barbarosa the new district manager

for all the stores in the state.

- No shit. - And they're letting him

pick his own replacement from inside the store,

so I figured, "fuck, might as well be me."

- Right? - Right.

Well, I better go practice my ass-kissing.

- Wish me luck. - You got it.

So? Aren't you going to ask me?

Ask you what?

What I think about you as Barbarosa's replacement.

- I think you'd rock. - Thanks, but I like my job.

Besides, being a manager is a lot of responsibility.

So? You can handle it.

Besides, you're much better qualified than Andrew any day.

You're a better worker, you've been here longer,

people like you better, and then there's the raise.

- Yeah, I guess. - Come on.

If you wanna get ahead, you're gonna have to learn

to do a little bit of ass-kissing, like Andrew,

and something tells me you can kiss ass with the best of them.

Did I tell you my dad wants to send me to military school?

I said, "fuck, no!"

I think your dad might be right.

A little military school or something

might do you some good.

I always wanted to go to military school.

You know, those sleek uniforms, well cut.

Taking orders, getting punished when you're naughty.

Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.

Ow!

And don't forget showering with all those cadets.

Ooh.

Mmm, cadets.

Oh!

Oh, my. Who ever thought we'd see the day?

Brian Kinney driving an economy compact.

Subcompact.

And I have to get a new car this week.

Another fuck-mobile?

Please, at his age, he needs all the help he can get

to attract those hot, young things.

I thought after what happened,

you might consider something a little more practical.

What, like something an accountant might drive?

You don't want any more weirdos ramming into you.

Never heard him complain about that before.

- See you later. - Later.

All right.

I don't know.

You're excited about it, though, aren't you?

Please.

Hey.

You fucking pervert.

Dad!

Brian?

- Oh, my God, stop it! - Get off him!

- Dad! - Brian!

Brian. You okay?

- Jesus. - All right?

Hold on, hold on.

It's his dad, stop it.

That's it, Justin. That is it.

You come home with me right now,

or you never come home again.

Fuck!

Never again.

Did you hear me?

I said, "never again!"

Go! Get the fuck out of here! Go!

I'm never coming home again.

- Never! - Justin.

Fucking never!

Stop.

So my dad was kicking him and beating him,

and I jumped on his back, I pulled him off,

and then I start punching him.

And don't forget how you single-handedly

- fought off the attack dogs. - Or how you foiled

that assassination attempt by the Iranian death squad.

You boys think this is funny?

Huh, is this your idea of some evening entertainment?

This poor child's been fucking traumatized,

watching his father go berserk like that.

And as for you,

I told you there'd be trouble, and you didn't listen.

It's not his fault, and I'm not a child.

I'm turning 18 soon.

That means I can vote

and get married and join the army.

Hopefully not in the same day.

Maybe so, but as far as your parents are concerned,

you're still their sweet, innocent, little boy.

They're not ready to think of you sucking cock

and taking it up the ass.

Ma, do you have to be so graphic?

Michael, I am making a point.

Would you please not interrupt when I'm talking?

So what was I talking about?

- Something about... - Sucking cock...

Taking it up the ass.

Right. So...

They're not ready to see you as a man,

especially a gay man.

You know, they need educating,

so they understand what you're going through.

What about what I'm going through?

You know, his father almost broke my fucking ribs.

You know, I should have him arrested.

Leave it alone.

You've done enough damage tonight.

Shit.

Ma, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine, honey.

I'm just tired.

I've been working since 6:00 A.M.

- Ma! - Oh, my God.

- Deb, you okay? - Somebody get some help!

Is Debbie okay?

- Somebody get some help! - Call Dr. Lee.

Stop screaming!

I can... I... I... I can... I haven't lost my hearing.

I just lost my hair. Oh, Michael.

I'm gonna take you to the hospital.

No, I have to finish my shift.

Your shift's over, Ma.

I swallowed my gum.

Michael, help me put this back on.

- What were you thinking? - I wasn't.

Oh, that's right. You never do.

You just... act.

I did what I had to do.

What you had to do?

Craig, do you know

how close we are to losing him? What do you do?

You practically push him out the door.

I told him to come home, Jen. He wouldn't.

Who would, with a lunatic?

Look, I'm trying to protect our son.

It's you he needs protection from.

No wonder he's out there.

Yeah, well, he made his choice.

What did you... What did you say?

I said he made his choice, Jen!

I gave him a choice. He made it!

Oh.

Oh... Big man.

Big man.

Jen...

Don't come upstairs. I mean it.

I don't wanna see you.

I am not gonna be humiliated by a bunch of...

Fags?

I got news for you, big man.

You already have been.

How about I make you some cinnamon toast?

And tea.

I don't want any cinnamon toast,

and I don't want any tea.

What I want is you all to stop making a fuss over me

and go home.

You all have to be at work tomorrow.

So do I.

I already told you, you're not going in to work.

You're gonna stay here and take it easy.

I can't afford to take it easy.

It's not gonna kill you to stay home

for a day or two, Deb.

Bed rest is an important part of every recovery.

Thank you, Doogie Howser.

As an extra added bonus, you get to watch The View.

Hey.

Don't worry, Uncle Vic.

She's okay. The doctor said it's just exhaustion.

- That's all. - "Just exhaustion."

You have any idea how tired you have to be to fall over?

That's how tired your mother is,

and it's all because of me.

What are you talking about?

Think about how unhappy she'd be without you.

But I'm the reason she's pushing herself so hard,

working double shifts... to pay off my debts.

She's even taken out a second mortgage.

- What, on our house? - Yeah.

She couldn't get much, but she did.

Why didn't you tell me?

She made me promise not to.

I'm lucky I still have all my teeth.

And no black eye.

How do I look?

Great. You always look great.

I'm sorry, for my dad and everything.