Bigfoot's Wild Weekend

So, I just finished reading this book about losing your memory,

It's really good, actually, you'll have to read it.

- I'll give it to you. - Yeah, I think I read one once.

I think this one's written by John something.

He's some professor at some school.

What's that supplement called that's supposed to, like,

Boost your memory? I think it's called

Kinky Balboa?

I think it's Gecko Barbiko?

Oh, yeah, that totally sounds right.

Wow, it's about time.

Come on, you son of a gun.

Oh, you're a big one.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah--

Ah!

Dang.

What the...?

What the hell is that?

Hey, stranger.

You should come join us.

Yeah, come on in. The water is great.

You might wanna take off that coat first.

- - Or leave it on.

Come on, let's party.

Hey, girls!

In unison: Hi, Mrs. Pepperdove!

So you girls ready to have a good time this weekend?

I can't wait. I've never been camping before.

I have. It's really fun.

We get to go on hikes and make campfires

- and roast marshmallows. - That sounds like so much work.

Can't we just go to the beach?

Yeah, there'd be less bugs and dirt.

We're not going to the beach. Besides, camping's a lot of fun

and you'll learn some necessary survival skills.

What're you reading, Mary Ann?

Oh, it's a book on Cryptids.

How is it?

Oh, there's this fascinating chapter on...

Oh, there's this fascinating chapter on...

- You're such a geek. - You're such an idiot.

- Spaz. - Slut.

Knock it off, girls.

- Sorry. - Sorry, Mrs. Pepperdove.

Are you princesses done chatting?!

If we don't get a move on, traffic's gonna be a bitch!

Now move it!

- - Yep.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, all right, put him on.

Yeah, this is Berry.

Fishermen, huh?

Third incident this week?

Okay. Well, what's the name of this place again?

"Skull mountain"

up near Ahwahnee.

Uh-huh.

Okay, I'm sending someone up there to check it out.

His name is Harland James.

Uh-huh.

Yeah, yeah.

I'll have him contact you once he gets up there.

Uh-huh.

All right. Thank you for calling.

James, get your ass in here!

Have I got a story for you.

It's not those Jersey Devil twins again, is it?

No, this is bigger

and real.

Seems a man was out fishing yesterday

and when his cooler full of beer went missing.

'Pears it was stolen by bigfoot.

Bigfoot?

James, this isn't some made up grainy camera footage.

There are actual footprints left in the mud.

This person was so close to bigfoot,

he could've kicked him square in the crotch

had he turned around.

So, he didn't actually see him?

No, but I did just get off the phone with the local Sheriff

and he told me this is the third incident in two days.

The day we get law enforcement calling us with these stories,

they have to be real.

I need you to get up there and see what you can find.

Oh, okay. So, where am I headed?

Some place called "skull mountain" up near Ahwahnee.

Once you get there,

Look up Sheriff Bubba Lopez and he'll fill you in.

You tell everyone

the Tattle Tale will offer 25,000 cash

for anyone who can capture the creature

dead or alive.

25 grand?

We've never offered that much for a story.

I know, but we're talking about

one of the most illusive creatures in the world.

If we can just get pictures of this thing,

or better yet, his corpse,

we'll make a fortune.

That seems a little extreme.

Hey, that's journalism.

You do what you gotta do to get your story.

After all these years,

I'm finally gonna get that stinking ape.

James, this could be huge.

Just get down there and get me that story

no matter what.

This looks like a good spot, don't you think?

You know, I'm tired of driving. It's perfect.

Okay, girls. Let's unpack, let's get this stuff out of the van.

- We're gonna camp here. - Isn't there a bell boy...

Get the crap out of the van now!

You've gotta be firm with them, otherwise they'll walk

all over you.

There's mud?

Ow! Watch where you're putting that thing.

That's not what you said last night.

What the heck is this?!

Seriously, you two don't know your ass from a hole in the ground.

Let me see that pole!

Like she's ever said that before.

What was that?!

She said the instructions are in German.

It's actually pretty simple if you aren't a moron.

So, have you ever camped up here before?

In fact, I think there's a swimming hole near here.

Hope you brought your suit.

How's everything going over here, girls?

I think we got it under control.

Good. Why don't you two go gather some wood before it gets dark, okay?

Yeah, it's right over here.

Yeah, this is the spot right here.

Oh.

I am so very glad that you called me.

You ever seen footprints this size before?

Well, I'll tell you, I have seen bigger.

But don't get me wrong,

this is a very, very interesting specimen.

Ho!

So what do you think?

Ah, this is a very interesting specimen, Sheriff.

Ah, I would like to have some plaster casts made

so I can study them.

So, Professor, tell me,

Do you think the campers are in any real danger?

I mean, do we need to be concerned about these ah,

well, ah, it's hard to say.

They're not generally known to be very violent creatures.

However, there's no telling what they'll do

- if provoked. - Huh.

All right.

Male biker: Wait until tonight...

At the dance off.

Hey, brother.

Uh, oh!

Sweet hog.

- He is kinda cute. - Oh, yeah?

All right.

What'll it be?

Well, I'm supposed to meet sheriff Lopez here.

Have you seen him?

Yeah, he was in here earlier,

but ah, he had to go do an interview with some newswoman.

I'm sure he'll be back soon.

Why don't you have a drink while you wait?

Sure. You got any root beer?

Yeah.

Well, you're gonna pay the same price as regular beer.

- It's all right. - All right.

- Here you go. - Thank you.

What the hell!

Are you staring at my woman?!

I'm-I'm sorry. What?

I caught you starin' at my woman!

I-I-I wasn't staring at anyone.

Eddie, I caught this guy lookin' at my woman.

Your woman?! That's my girl!

That's my girl!

Would you two stop it?

You both know she's mine, right?

Hey! Knock it off or take it outside!

The Sheriff's gonna be here any minute!

Sorry, bud.

Why is the Sheriff comin'?

I don't know.

Supposed to talk to this kid.

Who are you,

and what are you doin' in our part of the woods?

I'm a reporter with the Tattle Tale.

Why you gotta meet with Bubba?

Well, he called with ah, some sightings of bigfoot.

I came to get the scoop and um, offer a reward

for whoever could capture the beast.

What kind of reward we talkin' about?

25 grand...

Cash.

Did you say 25 grand?

Yep. 25 grand,