Man Seeking Woman

Whoop!

Dumbass.

Oh.

Puma!

Ooh! Aah! Get... no, no!

Why?

So how was your day?

Pretty good.

Ah!

All right, I have to go to work.

- No. - Yes.

Yes, got to.

- Starfish. I got to do it. - Okay.

- Don't leave me. - I got to do it. Sorry.

I think you still have some clean shirts in the Josh drawer.

Hey.

Told you.

Can I have some of this coffee?

Yeah, of course. You can take the rest.

Mmm, thank you.

Aw, look at that.

Amazing.

Um, hey, did you get that email I sent you

- about how cute you are? - You're cute.

- No, you're cute. - You're cute.

- You're cute, Mrs. Cute. - Shut up. You're cute.

You're cute. I think you're cute, Mrs. Cute.

- Me? - Yes.

- Really? Thank you. - You're so cute.

Um, wha... uh, are you sure

that your roommates are, like,

cool with me being here this much?

Oh, my God, yeah, no, I've known these guys, like, forever.

- They're super cool. - Yeah?

- Yeah. - Okay, great.

Hey, top of the morning, uh, roommates.

Or, uh, Megan, should I say "top of the Megan to you"?

Uh, Robin, Robin,

sorry again about last night, about our moment.

Um, you really got to lock that bathroom door, buddy.

I-I should have knocked,

but you should have locked.

Uh, it's a learning experience for us both.

Uh,

Chris, all right, bring it in, buddy.

Give me one. One.

Two.

Three. Four.

It's four. There's always four.

Well, it's okay. It's tricky.

We'll figure it out tonight.

Uh, all right, guys.

Bye.

What?

You know what.

He's here all the time, Lucy.

Yeah, he's my boyfriend.

Yeah, well, we're your friends.

You can't just let boyfriends come in here

and stay as long as they want.

What do you have against him?

He eats all our food.

He drinks all our coffee.

He uses all our toilet paper.

He's a drain on our resources.

Okay, I think you're overreacting.

- Overreacting? - Yeah.

He's not on the lease.

That means he's living here illegally.

You... come on, you guys aren't

gonna make this a big thing, are you?

_

Tough talk today from apartment leaders

who are calling for the deportation of boyfriends

living illegally in unit 3R.

- I'm joined by Megan. - Hi.

Megan, why is this such a hot-button issue for you?

Well, Brad, I love our apartment.

I think it is the greatest apartment in the world.

But if we don't start cracking down

on these undocumented boyfriends,

then pretty soon, I tell you what,

we're not gonna have an apartment left.

Now, Megan, I agree with you,

but how would you respond to those who

claim that boyfriends make the apartment stronger?

Look, this might not sound politically correct,

but let's be honest, we're not getting

the best and the brightest here.

We're getting the vermin, the criminals.

And that is why, effective immediately,

our apartment will be taking steps

to secure its borders.

- Oh, man. - Oh, come on.

Hi.

She's on the lease. Let her through.

Thank... thank you, sir. Thank you.

- Whoa! - Ah.

Not you, illegal.

- Are you kidding me? - Okay.

It's... it's okay. It's okay. It's okay.

I'll just, uh...

I'll go to the movies or something; it's fine.

No, you know what? What Megan's doing is wrong.

I'm gonna fix this. You stay right here.

- Okay. - Right here, Josh.

Move!

Okay.

I can't believe you guys are doing this.

This is so hypocritical.

Chris, what about Ted?

Ted is here on a three-day sex visa, okay?

He comes in, he does his job, and then he leaves.

What is your problem with Josh?

If you just give him a shot...

He doesn't even speak the language, Luce.

When we're all watching "The Bachelor,"

he's like, "Uh, me not understand."

Okay, whoa.

"There's more than one named Amanda?"

You do not have to do the voice.

It's what he sounds like.

Okay, I get it. You guys don't like Josh.

But I do, so can you please just give him a chance for me?

Maybe he could stay but just

poop at home instead of here?

No, Robin.

Josh isn't welcome here,

and he never will be.

Give it up, Luce, it's over.

We'll see.

- Hey. - Yeah?

- Illegal? - Yes.

You speak-y "The Bachelor," huh?

- What? - Rose ceremony?

Fantasy suite?

I-I don't understand what you're talking about.

_

_

_

Oh, man.

- Ah, ah. - Josh, Josh.

- Oh, oh. - It's me. Come here.

- Come here. It's okay. - Oh, God.

- It's okay. It's okay. - Agua.

- It's okay, baby. - Agua.

It's okay. Here, here. Here, it's okay.

Oh, it's so bright in here.

Mmm. Mmm!

It's okay, okay. It's okay.

You're safe now. You're safe.

Ah!

- Go get him! - No!

No, no, no!

No, no!

Back off, ma'am.

Back... off.

Go back to where you come from, you stinkin' boyfriend!

- Get out. - You're disgusting, Josh.

- Go! - No one wants you!

- Go! - Listen to me.

Hear my words.

I first came to this apartment

with nothing but the shirt on my back,

my toothbrush, and my phone

and my phone charger, uh,

but through it all, I never lost sight of the dream

of coming to this beautiful apartment

and hanging out with Lucy, so, please, I ask you...

Ah!

Jesus, Robin.

No, no, no.

You did the right thing.

What?

- Just get out of here. - Fine.

We will.

- Lucy... - Thank you.

Lucy, what are you doing?

- I am moving in with Josh. - Hey.

You can't move to Josh's place; it's not safe.

It's rife with drugs!

Plus, you guys, like, just started dating.

I don't care. I'm doing it anyway.

- Come on, Josh. - Are you sure you...

you... you want to move in with me?

Yeah. Absolutely.

Eat it!

- Hey. - Mm, mornin'.

I hate to say it, but I have to go to work.

- No, no. - Get off me.

- I have to. Ready? - All right, fine.

I-I think there's some, uh,

clean shirts in the Lucy drawer.

You know what? I think the shirt I'm wearing

is actually probably fine.

- Yeah? - Mm-hmm.

Yeah. Hey, are you sure

you're comfortable here at my place?

I-I know that my humble abode

isn't as stylish as you're used to.