Bikini Jones and the Temple of Eros

This is Martin.

This is Dr Jones. I'm in Cruella Industries Headquarters.

Excellent. Any trouble?

But I have cleaned 3 floors with the toilets to get here.

Excellent work Dr Jones. Your country appreciates it.

Any sign of the idol?

That's right in front of me.

Can you secure it?

Its value is a *** national security.

Looks easy enough.

That's what worries me.

Is our deal still on place?

Yes, you will be allowed to study it for your own research,

as long as we know it's not in the hands of our enemies.

No one want the CIA going back on their word now.

No tricks, Jones.

Just get the idol away from Evilla Cruella,

and you've done the world greatest service.

It doesn't seem to be an alarm system in place.

I'll call you once I'm outside.

Be careful.

Don't worry,

I've stolen my fair share of idols.

Piece of cake.

Over and out.

Hmm.

You will look spectacular in my trophy case.

Freeze!

Easy Lady.

What are you doing in here?

Let me guess...

Silent alarm?

That's right.

Now I've asked you: what were you doing?

What's it look like, Einstein?

I'm the cleaning lady.

How'd you get in here?

All the doors are locked.

Can I help it? I get paid to clean.

I finished three floors, this was my last stop.

That's right.

I saw you on the second floor.

You do good work.

Thanks. I try.

We better not let anybody know about this.

They'll fire one of us for sure.

Why would I tell anyone?

I don't want to lose my job.

So we agree? This never happened.

What happened?

Yeah, that's the idea.

You know, my shift is over now.

What do you say?

This way neither one of us is tempted to talk about it later.

You mean...

...you and me?

Right here on the desk.

Well...

I guess no one gonna miss me for a little while.

Great.

Let's not waste any time.

Oh baby, you already started to me good luck.

it's how I stole the sacred idol of Eros right from under their noses.

Excellent work, Dr Jones. Excellent.

You know, word on the street is that Evilla Cruella

is absolutely having a cow over this.

And well, she might.

We have to ensure that this never falls into her hands again.

Don't forget our deal:

I keep the idol for my research, and when I'm done,

you CIA boys can have it for your little collection.

I wish you'd reconsider our agreement Dr Jones.

We can't afford to have that floating around out there somewhere.

It won't be floating anywhere.

It will be with me.

I'll take good care of it.

You realize that on that idol, somewhere,

is the location of the temple of Eros?

Exactly.

And whoever finds the temple, finds the Tiara of Aisha.

Exactly.

And whoever has the Tiara of Aisha,

shall be the ruler of the Empire of Moronica.

Can you believe Evilla Cruella, with all her millions,

still wants to be ruler of the Empire?

We're counting on you.

I'll give you this trinket as soon as I decipher the map to the temple.

That's all I'm interested in.

And what then? You'll hold on to the Tiara?

It's a museum piece.

I have no intention of becoming queen of the morons.

That's your job.

Contact me the moment you break the code.

Ciao baby.

I want that idol. It's mine by right of my ancestry.

Perhaps. But I thought you were from Hoboken.

Hoboken... Well...

My grandpa did settled there, but my real destiny is the Empire of Moronica.

Yes, of course.

This is all very unfortunate.

I entrusted my spies to bring me my idol.

We had it, but it slipped away.

How can we help you achieve your goals, Mistress?

I must have that idol. It alone has the location of the temple of Eros.

With it i can acquire the Tiara of Aisha,

and rule all of Moronica.

And then you will be the supreme Empress of Moronica.

Suits me well, don't you think?

It does, indeed.

Then get me that idol.

I don't care how you do it or by what means,

just bring it back to me.

I understand that Dr Jones, the eminent archaeologist,

Then you know what to do.

Rally our spies in America and bring me that idol.

At your command.

I will have that idol ***.

Man! I feel like I haven't showered in a week.

At least, still smells like a blonde security guard.

Well, I can fix that.

Who the hell are you?

Department of National Antiquities.

Martin asked me to stop by to see if I could be of any assistance.

Is that so...

and I don't remember asking for any help.

Well, Martin's anxious to have the idol in safekeeping.

As long as you possess it,

Pff, yeah, I've heard the spiel.

Can you give me a moment?

Alright.

You can just step outside to the hallway.

Martin here.

This is Dr Jones.

Ah. Doctor.

Everything's all right?

Just calling to check on a Carol Summers.

Yes?

One of yours?

(Absolutely. We thought you might need a hand.)

Carol is an excellent... cipher.

So am I.

But I could use some help.

Might speed up the process a little.

That's what we thought.

She's very good.

I'm sure you two will hit it all off.

I'll let you know.

Hey, and next time you ask someone to drop in on me,

warn me first.

Understood.

Carol?

Everything hunky-dory?

Yeah, it's all "hunky-dory".

So what's your game, sister?

I'm just your average, red blooded, all american egghead, I guess.

Too smart for my own good.

No luck with the boys, huh?

No. Guys don't make passes at girls who wear glasses.

That's why I wear contacts.

I wish I could but it hurts my eyes.

Hmm, studying too hard. You should get out more.

Hmm, maybe.

Everything's okay?

Oh...

That's a whip mark.

A whip mark?

Got it in Istanbul.

That's incredible.

Someone actually whipped you?

Well, they tried. But they didn't get away with it.

I had a live cobra in my pants.

A live cobra?

highly poisonous and very pissed-off snake.

Sounds like you've been through a lot.

And I've got the bruises to prove it.

A person who lives a dangerous life like you do,

needs to relax more.

Maybe.

But in my line of work you got to keep on your toes.

Sounds like you need a massage.

I studied Rikki in college.

Rikki?

Rikki Tikki Tavi. The art of sensuous mongoose massage.

Are you any good?

Well... I haven't had any luck with the boys,

but I scored a pretty high with the girls.

Mm-hmm.

Well...

Martin did say you were to lend a helping hand.

He didn't say where those hands would be used.

So what the hell?

At last...

"The person who possesses it rules the Empire".

Dought... Who wants it?

This was too easy.

Hold it!

Okay, okay, don't shoot.

Now, gently. Put everything back on the counter.