Kevin Can Wait

All right, kids, let's go. Bowls in the sink, come on.

Dad, you have to put something healthy in there.

Look, there's beef jerky.

Chock full of protein,

and it'll keep them out of the dating pool

for a few years.

No, you have to give them fruit.

- No, he doesn't. - Yeah, don't let her control you, Dad.

She's right, all right? Nobody likes a bully. Come on.

Okay. Okay, no problem.

Um...

- Who are we? - Gables!

- What are we? - Leaders!

- Who's got it better than us? - Nobody!

And what are we late for?

The bus if we don't get moving. Now go.

Good morning. Oh, shoot.

Did I miss the "who are we" chant?

Oh...

Chale, technically, you're not a Gable.

So when you chime in, it kind of weirds me out.

I just get caught up in it.

It is inspiring.

Oh, here. You got some mail.

Oh, Chale mail.

Junk...

- You gotta be kidding me. - Not again.

What is it? It's from your mom's gym.

It's a postcard.

"Haven't seen you. We miss you."

You know what? So do I. Okay, you know what? Give me that.

I will call them right now.

It's been over a year since she died.

They shouldn't still be sending this.

That's right, right? Thank you.

Oh, but don't throw that out.

On the bottom there's a coupon for a kung fu lesson.

I wanna go to it. Yeah.

- Oh, no. - What? What's the matter?

My visa has expired.

It states here I could get deported.

Wow.

Well, you keep in touch.

Dad, come on. This is serious. Let me see that.

It makes no sense. I-I filled out all the proper paperwork.

You know, you gotta stay on top of those things

if you wanna be a citizen.

I mean, you could say a lot about Americans,

but we're not lazy, you know?

I have seen you watch "Ray Donovan" in Spanish

because the remote was sitting on top of the TV.

Yeah, and now I know how to say "Get my gun" in Español.

Dame mi pistolas.

Okay, wait, Dad, you sent in Chale's sponsor form, right?

Remember? I told you how important that was?

Yes, you told me, and I sent it in.

- You're sure? - I'm positive. I have my own system.

I take all the important paperwork,

I put it right in this drawer,

and then, once a week, I mail it out.

Mm.

It's still in there, isn't it?

It's not a perfect system.

Dad, what are we gonna do? Chale's gonna get deported.

I can't come back in this country for three "yahs."

Three "yahs"!

How many "yahs"?

I'd have to move back to Bungleton.

I... I'm getting a stomachache.

No, it's gonna be all right, okay?

We will be together no matter what.

I will move to England.

Oh, actually, you'd love Bungleton.

It's out in the countryside.

There's chickens roaming free, fresh eggs every morning.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Nobody's going to Bungleton, all right?

And nobody's eating eggs.

You're staying right here on Long Island,

where we keep the chickens in some kind of camp

piled up on top of each other.

Yeah, well, how are we supposed to do that?

You didn't file the paperwork.

Yeah, I know. I made a mistake, all right? But I will fix it.

- And you know why? - Because we're the Gables!

No.

Because I have a connection to someone down at Immigration,

and I'll take care of it, okay?

- Thanks, Dad. - Yes.

Look, it's all gonna work out.

Because we are the Gables.

- Seriously, dude. - You gotta stop that.

Cellucci, over here.

Hey.

How you doin'?

Everything okay?

Yes, yeah. I'm doin' great.

Okay, good. Well, look at you with the beard.

- Yeah, it looks good, right? - No.

You know who you look like?

You look like the guy... oh, God, what's his name?

I can see his face.

Come on, you know the guy from the, um... ah!

- Hugh Jackman? - No. By the way,

I wouldn't think you looked like Hugh Jackman

if you had claws shooting out of your knuckles.

All right.

So what's up? What can I do?

Kendra's fiancé has a bit of an immigration problem.

And I remember when we were on the force together,

you dated a guy, I think he worked at INS, am I right?

No. Mm.

Pretty sure you did.

Okay... I dated a manager from CVS, but no INS.

Are you sure? 'Cause... first, you dated a lot,

and I just had the feeling that there was an immigration guy

- sprinkled in there. - Okay!

I think I would remember who I date.

Oh, Robert. Actually, you're right, you're right.

Yeah, see? Yes.

I remember. Yes, yes.

Can you do me a favor and call him?

Oh, call him...

Oh, what happened?

Um, this one was not me.

This was all him.

We would go to the Outback Steakhouse

and he would order with a bad Australian accent.

"I'll take the Bloomin' Onion, mate!"

You're... you're broken. You are so broken.

All right, well, I gotta figure out something,

otherwise Kendra's gonna be movin' to England.

Okay, you know what? I have been blowing this guy off

for three years, but for you, I will call him.

Oh!

I just figured out who you look like!

- Who? - Pavarotti!

Do you think he really went to the bathroom

or is he secretly running a background check on me?

Well, he had a key attached to a giant wooden paddle, so...

I'm guessing bathroom.

Just stay calm. Vanessa talked to the guy.

It's gonna be fine.

- Thank you for waiting. - Not a problem.

Uh, by the way, Vanessa Cellucci says hello.

Oh, Vanessa. We spoke on the phone.

Can you believe she spent three years helping kids overseas?

She's a real saint, that one.

We're, uh, we're supposed to go to dinner tonight.

Hey, I hear she loves that Outback Steakhouse, huh?

Already made the reservation, mate.

Now...

Let me see if I can provide some assistance in this matter,

Mr. Witt?

Yes, Chale Eugene Witt.

Okay, I just need to verify some information.

Are you still living at 2257 Seville Lane?

Yes. Yes, we are.

Wait a minute, you... you live together?

No, he... he lives in my garage.

Oh, well, it's listed here as an apartment.

Is this a legal residence?

Legal? Uh, you know, as far as the permits and stuff,

I kinda wanted to fly under the radar.

But it is up to code?

Yes, yeah, definitely up to code.

It's my code, but it's up there.

Yeah, same address. We're at the same...

Okay, then he pays rent?

In your dreams.

Why... why is that funny, Mr. Gable?

Oh, I'm sorry, it's just an inside joke we have

'cause he's usually unemployed.

Oh, well, it says here that you are employed.

Well, I was. I was working for a tech startup.

Okay, and how long were you there?

Let's see... October, November...

I was there for a week and a half.

You know, I have some, uh, some concerns.

Since you are a friend of Vanessa's,

I think we can extend your visa.

That's... that's a great call right there, you know.

It's not like he's a terrorist or something.

You're not... are you, you little terrorist?

You little terrorist.

So we, uh, do we sign something, or just we can go?

We're free to go, right? I think we get out of here,

wanna get some ice cream?

Mr. Gable, I did not bring up terrorism.

Is there a reason you did?

N-no. No, I was saying he's not a terrorist.

He's harmless. I mean, he...

He spends all day in my garage, right?

Working out those little formulas

on his crazy little white board.

Mr. Gable, please stop talking!

I'll stop talking.

In 36 hours, they can kick me out of the country.

There's nothing I can do about it.

Hey, on the positive, it's nice to know our government

takes immigration pretty seriously.