The Flame of New Orleans

'Between the banks of the mighty Mississippi, father of waters,

'how many things have happened. For instance...

'Has anyone in this audience ever seen a wedding dress floating down that river?

'Here, oddly enough, is just that.

"How, you may ask, does a wedding dress happen to be on the Mississippi river?

"Which is what these fishermen are asking this very moment.

Yes, it's an empty wedding dress, and the bride is gone.

"And this is how was started the legend of the countess of New Orleans

'who disappeared a century ago -

'exactly a century ago, this coming Saturday.

'On the day of her wedding.'

where's Charles? Where's Charles?

Why would a girl who had everything to live for do this?

On her wedding day.

"These people never found out what happened, but you will.

'Before we open this door, a little secret.

"This countess we mentioned is not really a countess.

'Shh!

'Open please. We're late for the opera.

"Thank you.

"The show has already begun, but never fear,

'we're in time for the beginning of our story,

'and we hope you enjoy it. Good night."

My, what's happening?

Somebody done fainted.

Oh, sir.

Oh, please, everybody, stop crowding.

Give madam some air.

Are you... Are you feeling better?

- I'm so sorry. - Oh, please, it was a pleasure.

That's your mistress that fainted.

Yes. I know it.

Well, I'll... 'Ll leave you alone.

Thank you.

- Would you care to have this around you? - No, thank you.

He's behind you.

- Is he looking at me? - Can't you feel it?

You afraid of the dark?

You're not so dark.

How's your mistress like New Orleans so far?

Oh... it's all right for a small town.

A small town? New Orleans?

Well, after Paris, London, and Vienna...

This ain't much of a town.

My, my.

She's the most beautiful woman in New Orleans.

- Thank you. - After you.

Come, come, there must be some way to meet the countess.

- Where does she go shopping? - In Paris.

Uh-mm...

- Where does she go walking? - In the courtyard.

Mm-hmm.

Well, she must leave the house sometime.

Only to take a drive in the park.

A drive.

Driving. Ha-ha!

Oh, that... oh!

Where did you get these?

In the daytime?

- I was bribed. - Bribed?

Someone's going to insult you today if you get out of bed.

The banker? Where? How?

When you're driving in the park,

a big man's gonna get in an argument with you.

And mr giraud, that's the banker's name,

- is gonna come along... - And give him a good beating

after which I throw my arms around his neck.

Pretty old.

What do you mean by talking to a lady in this fashion?

- Do you want to make something out of it? - No.

"Do you want to make something out of it?" No!

Do you want to make something out of it?

Yes, sir.

What do you mean by talking to a lady in this fashion?

- Do you care to make anything out of it, sir? - 0oh...

Be careful! Stop!

Stop!

Stop the carriage! Driver, can't you hear me?

Whoa. Whoa.

Excuse me, I'll only keep you a minute. Don't move till I get through here.

This monkey is one of the family.

Oh, nice, Jacques. Nice.

Now, don't be frightened. You're not hurt.

Don't cry now. Just hold on to my hand.

Oh, nice, Jacques. You want to take a little drive in the park, eh?

Why did you stop, Samuel? Drive on.

Wait a minute. I haven't got him loose yet.

Can't you hear me? Stop the horses!

Hey, stop that!

Now, you're a very lucky lady.

You have no idea how lucky you are.

My monkey shouldn't have run into the road, but on the other hand...

When someone hollers at you to stop,

you can't be in such a hurry you can't find out what he's hollering about.

You hear me behind that umbrella?

- Drive on, Samuel. - Are you crazy?

One move out of this carriage and you'll both get a surprise.

One, two, three.

- I don't understand this, madame. - You don't understand it?

Do you want to make something out of her?

- Do you want to make something out of "it"? - Oh, yes, sir. Yes, sir.

Careful. Here comes somebody.

That's the one. Stop the horses.

Stop! Stop!

Madame, we's being attacked at again.

One of them had me by throat, like this.

The other one had the horses by the throat, like this.

Then two other scoundrels had pistols to my head.

Then another scoundrel sneaked up and pulled out his knife.

Now, that makes five scoundrels.

I thought you said there was only four?

Wait for me.

Clementine.

I'm going to New York. I can't get any money from the men in this town.

I understood madam had been assaulted while driving,

and I came to offer my services.

- But I seem to have come at the wrong time. - Just a minute, please.

- He's downstairs. - What?

Mr giraud. He heard every word.

Oh!

Go down and tell him I'm not at home. Oh, no, no. That's no good.

Who could we say is up here?

Oh, sir.

- Madame will be right down. - Well...

Madame say won't you please come in the parlour and rest yourself?

Oh, well...

When a day start wrong, it look like everything happens.

First that old man who turned the carriage over,

and now this awful person.

Clementine, I'm going.

If the countess doesn't want to see me, I don't want to see her, either.

Tell her that.

Madame is too soft-hearted.

Family trouble?

Yes, sir.

Who is she?

I can't tell you. I just can't.

And goodbye!

A woman alone is helpless.

I'm not going to let your attacker go unpunished.

But I don't know what he looks like.

- I only saw his feet. - His feet? Enough!

Now, er... look carefully.

Are those the ones?

- No. - Well, that eliminates him.

Every night we'll eliminate one person.

There are 100,000 men in New Orleans with feet.

- Did you see that? - 1 can do that.

It's a trick. He puts that sticky stuff on the ropes.

No, no, the sticky stuff is on his shoes.

I know the secret. The whole thing is keeping your ears on a level.

You watch me. Keep watching my ears.

- May 1? - Why, sure.

Hey, hey!

Don't worry, partner.

I'm worried. He's been drinking a little.

What's that got to do with his ears?

That's the monkey! There are the feet!

I mean, there's the man.

Don't worry. I'm not gonna fall on you.

I'm sure he's the one. I'd know him anywhere.

Please don't excite yourself.

I'll deal with our friend.

I'm sorry. I thought I'd hit the pole.

I'm sorry.

I don't approve of turning over carriages in the park.

My seconds will expect yours tomorrow.

Why tomorrow? My seconds are here.

You may choose your weapon.

- I get the choice? - You do.

Say, which lady was in the carriage?

The skinny one?

You have insulted the countess!

Well, what do you think of that?

What weapons do you choose, sir?

Weapons?

Oh, yes. Er...

May I borrow this?

Thank you.

This is a very unusual type of duel.

It comes from Trinidad. Er, the Southern part of Trinidad.

Pardon me.

Thank you.

It's called "rulli bah suba", which means "shut your mouth".

Now the rules are very simple. A child could follow them.

Would you be seated?

The important thing in the duel is the handkerchief.

Andrew!

That's yours. Now...

We each take one end of the handkerchief.

You take the other end...

And you put it between your teeth.

I ike this.

The important thing to remember is not to let the handkerchief go.

Can you remember that?

Now, you hold your knife like this.

And when somebody counts to three,

you can pull the knife from the table and attack.

The one who drops the handkerchief first, he loses.

That's why it's called "shut your mouth”.