Baby Daddy

No!

Emma, come on, it's time for bed.

I'm putting my foot down.

You gotta put your pajamas on.

No!

What if Daddy gives you a cookie?

Yes!

Congratulations, Emma.

You're already manipulating men at a third grade level.

You're the parent.

You need to stand up to your daughter.

Okay, you know what? Fine.

If you're so good at this, you get her into pajamas.

- All right? - Okay. Yeah, I will.

All right, Emma.

Listen, this behavior has got to stop.

When I say it's bedtime,

it's bedtime.

And when I say it's cookie time,

it's cookie time.

Mm, who do you love the most?

- Bon-Bon. - Bon-Bon. That's right.

And Bon-Bon loves you the most.

She's coming, she's coming!

Danny!

- Who's coming? - My mom.

Ever since Brad left, she can't be alone.

I don't know if you know this,

but she can be kind of annoying.

She hasn't let me out of her sight in over a week,

and now she wants to hang out today and tonight.

No! No! Tonight is our special night.

Clash of Dragons is on.

I know. That's why I'm trying to avoid her.

Hey, why is this door locked?

- Oh! - Hey, guys.

I just wanted to...

Oh. Mom...

do you mind?

Kind of in the middle of something here.

Sorry.

Yeah, I can come back.

Well, actually, if you're anything like your dad,

I can just wait in the hall for a couple of minutes.

Will you just tell her?

Yeah, you're right.

Mom, there's something I need to talk to you about.

But first, I gotta go to practice,

so I'll see you later, okay? Bye.

Danny, Danny, Danny!

So...

what are you up to today?

I'm just going to work.

I don't suppose you could bring a friend.

- Not really. - Oh.

Oh, Tuck! Hey!

Here's that salad you ordered for Mary.

I know the show's paying for it.

That's why it's a $53 salad.

Finally. Mary's blood sugar's crashing.

Oh, my God. Are there cranberries on this?

These look like cranberries!

Calm down. She can just pick them off like any normal person.

Mary Hart is not a normal person.

Okay?

She's a star.

It's a completely different beast.

Please don't tell anyone you heard me call her a beast.

Dude, you gotta stand up to her once in a while.

Don't let her walk all over you.

Look, Ben, I don't have time.

Look, I don't have time for this right now, okay?

What is wrong with you? Look at yourself.

- You're a mess. - I'm fine! Okay?!

Look, I'm fine!

- I'm fi... - Does this look fine to you?

Look, man, we're just... we're all under a lot of stress, all right?

This week, it's our big Mary Hart SweetHarts Special,

and everything just needs to be perfect

because Mary likes perfect.

Tucker!

Oh, my God! She's coming! Save yourself! Go!

It's about time.

I didn't realize you actually had

to go to a farm and plant the vegetables first.

And could you possibly be more incompetent?

I said I wanted to give away Crock-Pots.

You forgot the "Crock" part of the "Pot".

There's 50 pounds of weed sitting on my loading dock!

And...

are these cranberries?

You know how much I hate cranberries.

I know, Mary. I'm so sorry, Mary.

How does this sound to you, Tucker?

Hello, America. I'm Mary Hart.

On tonight's show, the death of a senior producer

who gave me cranberries!

Idiot!

How could you not know after all these years together

that I hate cranberries?! I hate them...

Ah, my good Lord Craigmore,

bastard son of Leon Ravenhelm,

to what do I owe this honor?

Ah, Lady Zelda Dragonbreast,

I have come to avenge thee...

and perhaps do some ravaging?

Well, the ravaging will hate to wait

because seriously, the show's about to start.

I couldn't find mutton, so chicken wings will have to do.

Open up! It's me!

I found mutton!

What is she doing here? How did she know?

Well, she either figured it out on her own,

or she guilted me into inviting her.

I'm honestly not sure.

Just...

just tell her to go away.

Okay, fine.

I'll tell her that it's just us tonight.

Yeah.

I mean, sure. Yeah.

I was devastated when Brad left, you know,

but now, I'm just lonely.

You know, and I can't go get all un-lonely

because I'm married.

Stupid morals.

Hello, America. I'm Mary Hart.

On tonight's show, the death of a senior producer

who gave me cranberries!

Yeah, thanks for the instant replay,

but I'm still picking

the cranberries out of my ears, so I'm good.

Dude, I'm trying to show you how pathetic you look.

You know, I wish I had physical proof of my mistakes.

Ben!

Not now, Emma.

Ben, why is this such a big deal?

All I see is a completely normal employee-employer relationship.

Oh? Oh, is that what you see?

Oh, okay. Then maybe we should take a survey

and find out what other people think.

How about I just post it online

and get some feedback for you?

- Oh, you do that. - Oh, I will.

- Good. - Here I go.

- I'm waiting. - So doing it.

- So not caring. - All right.

- Three, two, one... - Give it to me.

Nope. No. Stop.

No, no.

Fine. Yes, Mary is a horrible person.

She's also a compulsive gambler

and a philanderer, so what's your point?

You're better than this!

You've gotta stand up for yourself, man.

Fine. I'll talk to her.

You're a good friend.

I know.

You're really lucky.

How about I buy you a beer to celebrate, huh?

Come on.

On tonight's show,

the death of a senior producer

who gave me cranberries!

Idiot! How could you not

remember after all of these years...

Look! The kitty doesn't even know

the bunny's in the basket.

Cats are stupid.

I think we lost her!

I knew your mom was fast,

but she actually scissor-kicked over the subway turnstiles.

You guys are amateurs.

Always run through a bar.

She has to stop.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait, wait, wait. This isn't good.

Cranberries? Idiot!

How could you not remember after all of these years

of working together how much I hate cranberries?!

What?

No!

Oh, my God! How is this online?!

A million views?!

Oh, my God. I have to warn Tucker.

Oh, no. Come on.

Come on, sweetie. Let's go.

Aah, pick up. Pick up, pick up, pick up, pick up.

Oh, God.

Aah, come on. Voicemail?

Mom! Hey, perfect.

Can you please take Emma to daycare?

I have an emergency. Mary's about to kill Tucker.

Oh. Yeah. Tell me when that's on.

I want to record it.

Oh, my God, Danny. Please!

Your mother is driving me crazy!

Don't get mad at me!

You're the one who invited her over last night!

Uh, yeah. Yeah, that's only because you couldn't stand up to her.