The Simpsons

D'oh!

Refill!

Kids,

is there anything better

than when a restaurant misprints a coupon?

- - And with the money we saved,

your mom is getting a Swedish massage.

All the tension's going

: out of my body.

Now let's take one deep breath of this classy place

before we go back to our lousy car.

- - : Excuse me,

that air is the property of this restaurant.

Fine, I'll give it back.

- Good one. -

- - Memory book.

Okay, kids. I admit we hustled

the restaurant there, but that's it.

I don't want you to think this is the way

you get ahead in life.

Do not take advantage of someone else's mistakes.

- Your car, sir. - But that's not...

You see that, kids?

It's the kind of car they don't make anymore.

Windshield that breaks into a thousand glass razor blades.

Your lap is the cup holder.

Vinyl seats that can melt your ass.

God, do I want to drive it.

: Oh... so useless.

This is the car I've always wanted.

You'll never have a car this nice.

You'll never have a girlfriend this cute.

That's right!

And you'll never have exhaust this toxic.

Oh, I need this. I've always needed this.

Get in, kids, get in.

Dad, what were you just telling us?

This is morally wr...

Whee!

Pull every knob. Press all the buttons.

Find out what things do.

Don't you "chitty chitty bang bang" me!

- -

Ooh, what's this crank for?

Duh, rolling down the window.

Hmm. How do I put on the air conditioning?

Uh, you're doing it.

Aw, cool. An ashtray.

A full ashtray!

Uh-uh-uh! Bad, bad, bad!

Ah, smooth. Bad, bad.

Now, to tie them in a bow.

My husband... he's doing something incredibly stupid.

Look at this beautiful color.

Seafoam. This is what cars used to look like.

And what the sea used to look like.

- Whee!

Whoa!

Put this on the list of things we don't tell your mother.

Including the fact there is a list.

Aw, it's over.

Now, to teach you kids a life lesson.

Moments of pure joy always have consequences.

We already knew that.

Yeah. Why do you think we exist?

Quick! Put on your innocent faces.

Innocenter... innocenter.

Uh, yeah, I'm, uh, I'm sorry, you gave me the wrong car.

The moment I realized, I brought it back immediately.

You stole my car.

My precious 1957 Cadillac Eldorado Biarritz convertible

in the original seafoam, with the illegal brodie knob.

Oh, God. Tell me right now you did not touch my brodie knob.

Absolutely not.

This is the brodie knob.

Oh. I was all over that thing.

You're in big trouble.

They're gonna charge you with grand theft auto.

A lousy game but a magnificent law.

Listen, I'm sorry. Really sorry.

I just wanted to give my kids a ride,

show them the house I was born in,

show them the house I'm gonna die in,

then drive through a cornfield for kicks.

Whoo-hoo!

I gave you the USS Enterprise,

and you returned with the Orville!

I am so sorry. You're absolutely right.

I'll get it fixed by a pro.

I'll get you a license plate frame saying

"My other car is a..." insert dumb movie reference.

Tron Legacy Light-Cycle. Well, okay.

I suppose I could allow you to... oh, God!

No!

My mint condition copy of Radioactive Man number one!

This was the comic I always wanted most

since I was an athletic, popular child.

Look, you're a nice guy.

When have you ever seen me be a nice guy?!

I am pressing charges!

Is this yours?

Yes.

Simpson, get on the bike.

Put your arms around me.

Now, head on my shoulder. Yeah... aw, that's nice.

And don't lean the same way I do

: or we're both dead.

Uh, by the way, you're under arrest.

Uh, doesn't the law say I need a helmet, too?

Another law you're breaking.

Why are you riding a motorcycle?

It's not for fun! I got arrested!

That's worse!

Your Honor, I'm scared. Okay, I screwed up.

If you'll permit, may I read a speech in my defense?

Did your daughter write it?

Absolutely not.

Sir, if an opportunity came along

to give your kids a memory they'll never forget,

wouldn't you hop in the driver's seat?

A golden day with their dad.

What could be more innocent?

All I know is that as that gas gauge read empty,

our hearts were full. Full of love.

Love of what our country does build cars 60 years ago!

I'm a judge. But I'm also a father.

A father whose ex-wife only lets him see the kids

on summers and Christmas. I don't need you to rub it in.

I find the defendant guilty.

Your Honor, I'm not the one on trial here.

Yes, you are.

"Hire a lawyer," I said. "Waste of money," he said.

This is what I spend my time in courtroom audiences for.

This is my Starbucks.

Two weeks. Two weeks to turn this around.

Lisa, can we get the state

to change its sentencing guidelines

in the next two weeks?

Ah, the legislative calendar is pretty full.

And they take off the second week for Easter.

Roman Easter! To the Byzantine world, it's nothing!

I'm afraid we have to prepare for the possibility

that you might go to prison.

The Arts and Incarceration Channel presents...

When soft men do hard time.

What advice would you give to a new inmate?

Everything can be a weapon.

I saw a guy get his eye gouged with uncooked spaghetti.

You sound like you've seen a lot.

I've seen things and done things I ain't proud of.

And I'm the chaplain.

I can't take this, Marge.

Maybe I can make peace with Comic Book Guy.

Do you think so? He's an angry man.

His favorite thing is Star Wars, and he hates Star Wars.

I'll talk to him.

Careful, Marge. He's a lazy, overweight slob.

Don't fall in love with him.

Comic Book Guy, my husband is really sorry.

Okay, he screwed up. But he doesn't belong in prison.

I beg to differ. That car is very special to me.

When I was young, my father took me in it to...

- Buy comic books? - No, not comic books.

Everything in my life is not comic books, okay?

We bought baseball cards.

Look, we'll detail your car and fix your comic book.

This is not about my car. It is about me getting respect.

I want all the Little Lulus five dollars can buy.

And make it snappy, Blobba the Hutt.

Jabba is actually quite slim! For a Hutt.

Just get the Lulus.

Or I'll take my business to Build-A-Bear.

Here you go. Five dollars' worth of Little Lulus.

As for you, I am not budging.

Like the door of Superman's Fortress of Solitude

when the Beatles tried to visit. Pure folly.

That comic is noncanonical.

The only thing noncanonical in my store is Snoopy

dressed as Sgt. Rock for an ill-timed Vietnam war ad.

I see. Well, I'm sorry to have bothered you.

Yes, don't let the door hit you on the way out.

No, seriously. It's just been painted.

Oh. That's what being nice gets you.

Mom, Dad, I think I found the answer on the Internet!

Lisa, nothing good ever comes from YouTube.

Except ducks eating watermelon.

No, no. Sentencing mitigation videos.

People have had their jail terms reduced,

or even gotten off death row

by producing slick video appeals to the judge.

Finally, a way for rich people to bend the system their way.

Mr. Burns got off the hook once

by using a video directed by Guillermo del Toro.

Hello, I am, uh, film director Guillermo del Toro.

Uh, when I was a young boy, I fell in love with monsters.

Frankenstein's monster, King Kong, Son of Kong,